Suicide ??

This is a poll that I had created in our office. The response was huge and definitely the answers were unexpected. I had thought that people would be against my genuine thought but i was taken aback by their response. What do u have to say about the same ? Before you go ahead with your comments please go through my idea about the same.

Please give the feedback on your own basic idea.
My Idea
A person committing suicide is definitely under lot of pressure and always takes this step as an ultimate solution to this problem. But do you agree that a person has to be suicidal in his attitude from the beginning? Is it always that a person who commits suicide is actually an escapist?

I believe no human being is suicidal. It’s an act which is committed within very small span of time. A person takes a decision to commit it only in a hurry and had he thought about all aspects of it, he would have never taken such a step. And we can never predict who is going through this thought. You never know the person sitting next to you would have felt like committing a suicide. Even a jolly and happy person you knew could take this drastic step under certain circumstances. But are these circumstances strong enough to take ones own life? How far do you think it is justified that circumstances are the reason for someone’s life death situation. But what matters is that, how strong is the thought of committing it at that particular moment when it strikes the victim.

Do we have any method to make out who is hit with this dreadful thought? How do we prevent them from taking such a decision? Even the most balanced person can get tumbled within moments of such behavior, for is there any particular medical implication which can help us avoid such thoughts?

Let's discuss what’s your take on such a sensitive topic which has always ruined families and the near one and dear ones wondering what could be the reason and how could he/she take such a drastic step without even thinking of them. But it still occurs now and then here or there.

Abhisek Mohanty
8/14/2008 11:13 AM


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Feedback for this article:
agreed that one needs a lot of courage to come to decision to end life , but i think , even more courage is required to face the problems and live the life.wat say??
Pallavi Joshi

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We all are forgetting the suicide bombers who end his/her life in the name of religion or Jihad and end up taking many more lives.
Liza Talapatra

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Sucide......huh intresting. Can somebody tell me how the problem is solved after you attempt a successful suicide. Means i have lot of problems but this doesnt seem to be the saolution as it doesnt empower me to see my problem getting solved. Also if we see, from example of person who has done it, the problem is still there only you, a selfish filthy creature, has resighned from the very problem, but the others around you are still fighting the same and now with 2 hands lesser to support. Take a case of failure student (may be in exam or in any of the imp activity), still you have created problem for the people around you. The people were expecting from you to do better the next time but you failed to fullfil them so first to created a failure and agin you created another failure and ran away to place where no one can find you. I would be happy that through this forum if my thought reaches the individual who may think of the attempting suicide but changes his mind because of these words. In the end i would just like to say, if any one of you think of Sucide as solution to problem, please think again you are not solving the problem but you are running away from it making the problem much more severe than it is actually at present. And no one can conquer death it will take you with it as and when it wants to so dont let death win a easy victory.
Shounak Joshi

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When person come to conclusion of committing suicide , that step is where he/she has tried & thought about all ther other option which can be of any help. But when he/she finds that all the doors are closed or he does not have courage to try for those option because of fear that it will hurt someone or he/she will get negative responce. In most of the cases the person who commit suicide is the one who things about people close to them very much & who think that its better to end their own life instead of giving trouble to their loved ones.
Samata Jogad

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one needs a lot of courage to come to that point and decide to end one's life.its not that they are cowards and cannot face the world.
Aishwarya Rangarajan

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@Suman : You need help. Please seek assistance from your friends and family. "Cool" hummmmmm....
Siddharth Verma

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I think suicidal tendencies are coool and suicide victims are even cooler..
Suman Gogoi

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I think it is all because, we all are not aware the important of life . Life? what exactly it is? no one knows completly. So we all should try to unfold this is ? ... we would be able to prevent this.
Jai Singh

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I think there are many circumstances which can contribute to someone's decision to end his/her life, but a person's feelings about those circumstances are more important than the circumstances themselves.All people who consider suicide feel an extreme sense of hopelessness, helplessness, and desperation.People who talk about committing suicide or make an attempt do not necessarily want to die. Often, they are reaching out for help.
Anita Mulye

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I agree with you Siddharth. Its really tough for anyone who is leaving behind everything....therefore somewhere we can comment unless we are in their shoes.
Abhisek Mohanty

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I think this is all about one's EQ - Emotional Quotient. In this very competitive era - our systems always concentrate on IQ whereas no one really pays attention on EQ. Generally highly talented people or people who haven't had a chance to test any failures in their life time generally has a tendency to develop Inferiority Complex very easily. If one is strong enough on his EQ front he/she won't take such extreme steps. EQ development is affected by many factors over a long period of time right from our childhood. There was a very nice thing said about success and failure by renowned Marathi musicial. He said, we and success is just like a chakra. Success runs ahead of us and we try to catch the same. At times when we feel that we are not getting what we want, just relax and let the time decide the course of action. Eventually you will find that success is behind you and you are ahead of it." It's a very simple thing with a real deep meaning - one needs to understand this and let the time decide the course of action when it is really beyond our control.
Archana Gorkar

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Circumstances can drive people to do anything, even to commit suicide. No one can actually fathom whats going on in the mind of person who is going through a rough phase. You might say that the people who commit suicide were losers and they could have held on for some more time and they could used some more courage, are commenting because they are not in that person's shoes. Facing anything first hand is all together different from sitting outside the ring and commenting on it.
Siddharth Verma

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i can remember an sms i recieved whle at college.. it actually meant -"if you keep on praying and GOD never answers, it means he knows u can handle it and you are just wasting His time." -[cudnt put the exact words-].Some just never realise that. as people below say, LIFE is too beautiful a gift to lose cheap. btw , well said Nimish.
SriGuru N.G.

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As someone has said: "Suicide is a permanent solution to the temporary problem." So, problems are always temporary, and after some period of time, they get resolved. Each problem has one or more definite-solution(s) definitely because a problem is nothing but something created by circumstances or by our own mistakes or by other people or by unavoidable natural disasters(which is not in our hand).The real thing lies in having the courage or strenth to wait till the solution comes or till we find solution with the help of others. As someone has said: "Someone who wins is not more courageous than others but he has the same amount of courage but that courage in him lasts longer than others." "The time when you think to give up, is only the right time to go ahead at any cost!" as read in Frozen thoughts magazine. Following catchline of Mission Istanbul is worth reading: "Darr Ke Aagey Jeet Hai!" So, only THAT MOMENT needs to be controlled where we feel that everything is out of control. And if controlled, you win!
Nimish Sonar

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It's a foolish thing to commit suicide....to commit suicide we cann't get any solution of our problems infact we create the big problem for our family & relatives. I think life is very beautiful & we have to live it & enjoy it. Life is most beautiful gift ever for everybody which is gifted by GOD. So, once again i wud like to say that those who commited suicide are fool, becoz they dont know how live life.
Praveen Sharma

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Suicidal thoughts are an involuntary affliction. No body chooses to think them. Suicidal thoughts just enter, they just come into your mind on their own. Suicidal thoughts are very active and have tremendous emotional power. They push you, urge you, compel you towards suicide. I think most suicidal cases are based on unclear thinking. Persons attempting suicide want to escape from their problems. Instead, they need to confront their problems directly in order to find other solutions, solutions which can be found with the help of concerned people who support them through the crisis period. The attraction of suicide is that it will finally end all unbearable feelings. The tragedy of suicide is that deep emotional pain often blinds people to alternative solutions. Most of people committing suicide give some clue as to their intentions before they make an attempt. Becoming aware of these clues can help in preventing such a tragedy. Bharat Paliwal
Bharat Paliwal

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Studies show, that person committing suicide has given few hints about his intention at different stages, before actually committing it. Person almost always is moody,when he is enjoying he can be the talk of the town, when he is not he can be the broodiest person around. Suicide rarely happens because of pressure, it happens due to sense of guilt, shame, rigid view on relationships. Person concerned almost always had a very strong sense of fairness and how things should be. It is the inability of compromise between what inner world says and how outer world behaves, drives the person to commit such act. Suicide is reprehensible act.
Probal Chatterjee

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Rizwan - your friend's case is an exception.There are cases when a person decides to takes own life in a matter of minutes.But by and large ,Majority of people attempt Suicide after a long tension...
Shashikant Kulkarni

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When i was in class 10 and preparing for final exam. One of my very close friends took this step and jump from 4th floor at 6:30 pm 10-jan-94. I and my other friends were also present at that time when we heard a sound and we rush towards him, next morning he died. The reason of his suicide was small quarrel with her sister. He was not under pressure neither he was sad that day, that day he was with us and was in good mood. Suicide is not a long term plan may be a person is under pressure or depressed or anything but he/she took this decision in a very span of time. If some one thinking that I want to suicide that means he is mentally ill. I agree with Pankaj that is why in Islam Suicide is forbidden.
Rizwan Asdaque

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Abhisek ,your first line that -A person committing suicide is definitely under lot of pressure and always takes this step as an ultimate solution to this problem ... is very much true. But I dont agree that he / she take this decision in very small span of time. I dont remember but I have read a artical by one Japanese about the same topic.According to that - a person taking his/her own life do it after thinking on it for a lot of days and times (ofcourse his power of thinking positively is very limited.)Main reason is he don't share his problems with anyone.There is no way you could find out who will be the next. The only simptum I think is when you see a person very dipressed / keeping to himself, stop taking interest in matters/things which he/she used to be. Proper consulling at this very stage is the only solution on this...
Shashikant Kulkarni

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I do not think sucide is solution for any problem. Sucide of a person is a big punishment to his entire family. sucide is selfish step, i want to mention only one thing here "Live your life for others [your family,friends]". This is the ultimate way of staying happy.
Pankaj Mirajkar

Mind - Rambling Around

I have been going through lot many thoughts these days. Just didn't the outlet till now. Thank god. Few proxies too work at office :)

Before I get started, I would like to give the news up front. Finally I accepted a project at Pune. Sometimes we need to adjust to circumstances and let life play. Have been really busy these days and this is the time which makes me think. Thoughts keep crossing without giving you a chance to even think about that thought.

Recently when I was with my room mates discussing everything on the top of the world I got a suggestion from one of my very good friends, Rahul, to write a book. I mean I know I can write a book. He could convince me that I can get along and think seriously to write a book. I too want to write a book but had never analyzed anything on what kind of book it must be. But yeah, after the suggestion that night I could not stop thinking about the subject. I got it and even I have planned for it. The way it would start and the whole story is before me. But I don’t know seriously when I can begin it. May be I can start after this year. But definitely that discussion with Rahul and Vivek has opened the flood gates for me to think for my dreams. A publishing house of my own is a dream. But how far I achieve this is a big question mark.

My leaves have been cancelled for the Puja vacation and I would only be taking a leave after 15th, Jan 2009. That’s sad but currently I am focused on my job and may be this is the field which I have ignored the most. But slowly but steadily am getting everything into the groove. Things are settling down and I have started enjoying what I am doing. That’s the most important thing which I need.

Getting back on track feels great and in the process I’m least bothered about anything around me. Things are changing but I have taken this responsibility to make things the way I want it to be and leave the rest what I don’t care about. Loving this time where I have found time for myself. Orkutting, checking mails and of course blogging have made life better and of course the new pressure cooker situation is making it feel good. Few movies in the last few weekends complete the quota of movies that I needed to complete. Few night shows and small hang outs at Adlabs make life better. The best ones being Jaane Tu…Ya Jaane Na, Bachna Ae Hasino, Mumbai Meri Jaan and Rock On. A trip to Mumbai two weeks back was more special with Chicku and her friends. Mumbai is no doubt a city of dreams – “Sapno ki Nagri”.

I have seen many Oriyas who stay outside Orissa and forget their own culture.Came across a good fine friend who proved me wrong. Having stayed outside the state since birth, it is expected that you won’t know anything about your motherland. But it was surprising to note that the person is grounded to the roots which made me feel great at office. Such people are examples for those who don’t give a damn to their culture when they leave their own land. Its not about an Oriya or Marathi but what I want to project is that we better know our own culture. Some people may not agree with this thought but I don’t feel sorry for what I say. Rather we can look at this thought from a broader sense. We as Indians don’t actually understand our own priceless history and culture but ask an NRI who has not visited India since 10 years. He would rather be more connected to his/her land. He must be asking his children to learn more about their country India but we as Indians fail to feel great about our own country. We have proved to be the best in all the fields and even we are improving in Olympics but we don’t care to take this forward. Few weeks back Abhinav Bindra wrote for The Times of India as a guest editor. His thought was really very crystal clear and he has proved to be worth his Gold Medal. I have been following his few interviews and other pieces of articles that come about him and his take on the field of sport needs to be considered if we want India to excel in Olympics. We need to grow as a country and be proud about ourselves.

Singur crisis has uncovered the truth about politicians who do anything for their own good. Tata industries have the reputation of being an organization who has given back to the society and to the country. The Nano Car being the best example. Even the employee satisfaction and the way they feel for their people need not be mentioned. But after all this that they have faced, I feel if these things continue it would be never in near future that we can see India as a super economy. For the petty politics and self benefit, our politicians would ruin the country and seeing India at the top would always remain as a dream. Its sad that the whole country is busy watching game shows, not at all funny comedy shows and the pathetic news channels. But in all this, the way Mukesh Ambani, The Birlas and The Godrejs have come up addressing the issue and shown their suppprt for The Tatas, no doubt our Corporate have been progressive and matured themselves to a great extent for the development of the country leaving aside their own rivalries and cut throat competitions. Definitely a good sign for the growth of the country.

The Road Not Taken - Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference

...Robert Frost

Inspiration

I have been blogging since long. Didnt realise that it has almost been two years from now that i posted my first blog. Believe me its not easy to continue doing this unless there is some inspiration to do so. To start it was a big task for me.
How did it start then ?
Well, i had plans for getting into this world long before i posted my first blog out here. Had even created my own account. I remember, then blogger was a different identity altogether with nothing like google behind it. Somehow one day when i was just logging in i found that it has been taken up by google. Became easier for me to transform my account to gmail a/c and thus more easier for me to forget about blogging as life used to be on a different track with other priorities. Never did i realise why should i go for this world.I was curious to give it a try since i had heard a lot about it then.Life was orkut much more than anything else though on the later stages orkut still continued to play a good role in my life. But thanks to orkut that i got my inspiration(in person) who could explain to me my real priorities and the true potential that this world of blogging has. I agree that blogging practices are of different types. And my expectations initially was to address a huge audience with something really innovative and different. Somewhere i was waiting for something different to do. Make it really Big! And thus i kept on waiting and waiting than going for it.
But things changed so rapidly that i never realised that I was into my first blog after waiting for over a year. Thanks to the person who inspired me about blogging. It was she who actually had been blogging since long. After going through her blogs i realised that i didnt need a big theme to go for it. it can be kept simply simple. Interacting with her about everything in life gave me a complete different idea about how i looked at things. Though my writing skills can never match her type but what i realised was that i need not be a big writer or a scholar to start it. What i needed was to be truthful to myself in carrying it further. Many small things inspired me from her blog which i had never realised ever in my life. Every aspect of her writing was different from the other.
Thats how i started my journey which i was not sure of where was i heading to. how was it going to help me. Only thing that i had, was to write my heart out. lots of encouragement and support with every post from her actually kept on pushing me. As the journey had stated it was just a process which i needed to continue. I had started loving what i was doing and slowly i realised that it was what i had been looking for. Posting frequently became a habbit as she would keep waiting for my next post. This always gave a reason to go ahead. Things started to roll on and on. In the process, i got to know a different person. It was none other than me! And thanks to her for making me realise what i was.It was her endeavour in giving me very truthful feedback which helped me get better and better. She had always been a perfect critic of my posts.
For over a period of six months i kept on rolling the ball which i loved to play with. And during that she hadn't stopped writing either. Her blogs and few more blogs suggested by her helped me know what it exactly meant to write it on the blog rather than a diary. I know what i write generally does not have much of interest to people who are not connected to me. But it hardly matters. I don't write it out here for someone to read. I write it for the reason that i wanna write it. Just putting my perception to everything that goes around me. Tellig you all this has definitely has a reason. Reason to thank the person who helped me come so far. Giving all the credits to my source of inspiration. Hadn't she come into my life i would have never ever started this beautiful journey. Hadn't she figured out me and understood me as a person i would not have been writing this today. Its all credit to her that I stand here. She came into my life as if it was only for this purpose.To make me start this journey and continue it futher. Today as i sit down to think about all that occurred, she isn't there in touch with me for more than one and half year now. She has even stopped blogging. I can't accept that she has left writing. Reasons for these changes are unknown and i have no scope to find it out either. But i am not convinced that she has left writing. She could never do so. Just like air that we breath, writing was life for her. She could live without air but without writing i suppose it would raise quite a few eyebros who knew her deep down.
For her there may be many reasons for not coming into the public with her writings. But for me i can't even find a single reason for which she has not kept it going. With all my curiousity i still wait for her blog to get updated someday. I hope she still goes through my blogs and finds this today. Its impossible that she wouldn't be going through this because i know how she used to read my posts as soon as they got posted. Sometimes this really bothers me. Restlessness creeps in with many different fears raising their heads like demons within me. Fears which i can't explain. But there has to be something wrong with her.
Even after contacting her after such long period i couldn't make out the reason. Just like a mystery it has denied to unfold itself. Unfold the real truth which i am unaware of. Awaiting time to give me a chance someday to know the reality. But supposedly those of my fears shouldn't come out true. Praying God for everything to be fine.
Finally, I would thank her once again for making me get into this journey. If you are reading this Neha, then I would appeal to you to get back to blogging. Come back to this world and if you don't intend to then at least let me know the truth. Now its not under my senses anymore. And please give a second thought to your decision. Do get back.
Don't have any other means to convey my thanks other than this. Hope you read it someday.

School Days

[This piece of fiction connects to the days which every individual loves to get back to. The days we always cherish and the incidents which now may appear to be trivial were of the most matured events for us at the beginning of adolescence. Here is an attempt to step back and have a look at the very similar events which we too have experienced at some point of time. The School Days! ]

She looked like an angel. Their eyes met and she gave him a usual smile that had made his heart skip its beat years ago. He neither expected the smile nor did he expect skip of a beat. No doubt he had his excitement to see her after 7 long years. That’s what brought him to the reunion party of his batch at school. He had never attended this event all these years. But this time the reason was quite obvious.
She was getting married next year. This would be her last visit for the reunion. She has never missed a single reunion party after school got over. But this time she didn’t want to attend it. A strange feeling crossed her mind. It was in the morning 9.30 that she realized. She had to reach school by 11am. But this strange feeling of anxiety made her a bit reluctant. Did she hear Ravi saying the other day that Abhinav was coming for this reunion for the first time? But why then is he flying from London only for this event while he never came for the reunions earlier when he was in the same place?
It was after pretty long time that Abhinav was back from office at 8pm. The last whole year had been truly over scheduled. Having got a chance to prove himself, he didn’t wish to let it go this time. It’s been quite hectic for him but he loved to over stress himself. Not because he liked it but he believed in keeping himself so busy that he had no time for other thoughts to cross his mind which he was afraid of. He just wanted to let go off the past. His only belief that he should be busy enough to have no time left through out the day made him work harder and when it came to the end of the day, only thing that his mortal body looked for was a place to lie down in the arms of stress. Lying on the bed he just remembered how busy he had been since he left college. But what went wrong? Why was he so busy? What for? Queries uncountable crossed his mind suddenly. The feeling of restlessness took him to the huge windowpane. He could feel the cold through the glass pane. London looked spectacular from the 22nd floor of his apartment. As he slid the window, a gust of wind kissed him making his specs go blurred. It even made the survival of the warm flame difficult at the fire place. But this didn’t move him. He was lost in thoughts of the chat that he had with Nilima two hours back.
She was late. She finally decided to attend the party. It was her last visit and she didn’t want to miss the opportunity to meet all her old pals for the last time. After all they were the people who had stood alongside her during the thick and thin times of these 7 years. Not to forget the worst phase of life after school. She reached late and it was a delight for everyone to see her. There were those smiling faces and big laughs over the childhood days. Sitting under the big Mango tree they all discussed those childish acts of theirs. Those small fights and big pranks had become memorable for everyone who was part of it. Behind every small thing that they discussed there lived some good old memories which could easily bring out tears in the smiling faces at regular intervals. For Rajni it was a treat to be there and be a part of such a batch which was one of the best ones in the school so far. But her eyes were searching for someone. She knew he would be there. Ravi would not lie to her for any reason. But she wondered why she was anxious.
Abhinav arrived but he was late, for his car broke down on the way. But everyone was really feeling great meeting him after 7 long years. They knew he would be there this time and somewhere everybody thought he had changed a lot since he left. No calls and contact from his side had made everybody think that he was no more their same Abhinav. But meeting him, these all doubts were cleared when they saw the same old shy and charming Abhinav. It was just that he had grown tall with a wide smile that he rarely used to have. Someone said "Hey Abhi, you needn’t stand in front of the queue anymore during the assembly!!" That made everyone burst out laughing. Even Rajni did have a good laugh and when everyone went together for the lunch their eyes met and she had the same smile. How could he forget the smile that had drawn many guys of the school to woo her from the same batch as well as the seniors?
As everybody went ahead with the lunch and chit chats of the most memorable days, Abhinav chose to go around the school and firstly to the room where he had completed his grade X. As he moved along the corridor every thing flashed back. Though it had been 7 long years that he visited his school but that was not big enough for his memories to be blurred. He could remember his first day in school. He, in his 6th grade had to shift school for his dad’s transferable job. Though he never wished to change his school but there was nothing he could do about it. He had to come along leaving behind the past. When he crossed the principal’s room he remembered how he was assigned his class as VI-A and his roll number as 16. That was his identity for his day to start. The heavy new bag, full of new books were heavy enough for him to carry. He had no excitement but a fear while he was escorted to his classroom by the attendant who ruthlessly showed him his classroom and informed the teacher about the new student with roll number 16. He wondered what his parents would do after going back to their new home from the principal’s room. He wished he could join them and be a part of all the fun of unloading and of course settling of things. For him, who was a child of age 11, it was all fun to run around with his new BMW car (of course playing loudest horns even if there was nothing to stop his car) in the magical flat which was actually speaking whatever he spoke. This thought brought about a big smile on Abhinav’s face on his own innocence. Looking back at the principal’s room he moved along to take the stairs to the first floor.
Every step that he took gave him millions of memories and he could feel the excitement now, which he never had on his first day. He kept on smiling like a crazy person. His smile had by then turned into an open hearted laughter when he realized that it was after such a long time that he himself couldn’t make out how long was it. As it was winter vacation for the students, there was no one in the school except him and his batch mates. He had never seen school to be so silent and lonely. His laughter slowly died out as he passed through VI-A. He could see through the glass pane the first bench near the door where he sat for next one year after he was left all alone by that rude attendant at the hands of some brutal lady who perhaps seemed to be the strictest teacher in the school. Well, by the time he could imagine all the fun at home, roll call had started and he started to pay attention when it reached roll no 9, 10 and 11. Just a halt and suddenly he heard someone say ‘dude…enough of sight seeing…come and have your lunch…we are having loads of fun and of course girls are missing u a lot…where are u lost yaar?’ ‘Just a few minutes bro…I’ll be right back..carry on and I promise I would join you people in no time..and yeah thanks for the news about all the girls ;)" , he said. Just then, he saw Rajni in the ground floor. Ignoring her and trying to get back to his sweet memories he moved ahead.
Rajni, who had been to school every year and even more than once a year during these seven years, could actually understand what must have been going through Abhinav’s mind. She could feel the pain in his heart. His reasons for not coming to school after he left no one knew but it was she who had known everything though he hadn’t even contacted her after that. Just that she had known Abhinav since the day he came to school, Rajni knew him very well. Though she had visited school quite regularly in the past but she too was quite nostalgic about her days in school. She was nervous about her new life that was going to begin. There were these other things which didn’t actually keep her connected to the discussions around her. Everybody by now had actually got down from the mode of fun and frolic. Everyone was having their lunch and topics regarding school days had started. People were discussing all the happenings, their experiences of life after school, their new friends, new relationships, the new people they met and how they were moving ahead with the fast paced life. Then there were talks of few people who had already got married and those who couldn’t make it to the event for their personal constraints. There were innumerable talks on various topics which covered everything under the sky including politics and the new generation people. The mood was set for a good time for the whole day. It had been really fun and fantabulous for everyone.
But, on the other hand seriously immersed in his own thoughts and childhood memories, Abhinav walked along and passed by all the class rooms, sports room, staff room, store room, labs where he had spent years of his childhood, his uninterrupted days of fun with his playful friends his lovable teachers who gradually became his best teachers of the lifetime. Ticking of each second in the watch gave him bliss and never ending happiness. He wished if time could halt and he would have another chance to relive his school life. He wondered why every grade he studied was of only one year duration. Why not two or more? He had moved into his childhood innocence and finally when he reached his class X-A, it was all volatile. He was in some other world of his own. He didn’t know what he was trying to do. Where he was heading to? It meant no sense. He just wanted to be there and feel the days which were the last days of his school life. He knew its importance because it was his 10th grade that changed his life significantly though not completely as he had thought when he was in his adolescent. He stood there in front of the door and helped himself in. That was the room where he had lived the best days of his life. He was facing his past in this beautiful set up once more. He moved across the green board through all the desks and benches observing closely each and everything as if he was going through the past itself. He could identify his seat. Moving his hands across the desk, he slowly sat down getting all his nerves under control.
He was lost in his world when he could hear sound of foot steps drawing closer to the room and he could see Rajni standing at the door. Before he could speak anything Rajni walked slowly into the room and he looked with astonishment.
‘Hi Abhi…How are u??’ ‘I’m fine…but how come you are here?’ he reverted back in a hurry.
‘Yes Abhi I know, you must be surprised to see me here and supposedly it’s after such a long time that we are meeting for which you could forget that we are still friends and you didn’t…’
Abhinav interrupted her and said ‘Look Raj, I don’t want to discuss what I have left behind in the past. But anyways, heard you are getting married. Congratulations!’ He was surprised to have asked this question by himself. He was trying to make her comfortable and change the topic but he realized that he had made it worse.
‘Thanks and yeah I’m getting married this March.’, she said and could not look into his face. Turning her head away she started ‘Yeah, his name is Sekhar and he is a businessman in Mumbai. It’s an arranged marriage!!’
Though Abhinav had every detail of it before he reached in Pune, but he didn’t let her know about it. ‘Oh!! wow…that’s great…I hope you are happy with your parents’ decision and you are looking forward to it.’ ‘Of course yes Abhi and being my best friend you can definitely understand my circumstances.’ This sounded like a shock for Abhinav. He couldn’t believe what his ears were hearing. Best Friends was something which he had again never expected.
The first day at school, he had seen the most bubbly, naughty girl during the roll call when she had responded to 11. As the days had passed by, Abhinav had found it tough to connect to his new school. Though he had started interacting with few students, but he still didn’t have the greatest of times. It was then that he had got a new friend named Rajni whose sweet and cute smile had always made him feel good about their friendship which had blossomed quickly into a very strong bond between them. He always considered Rajni as his best friend but he was not sure of the same from the other side.
‘Hey Abhi, are you here???’ ‘Yups’, breaking from the thoughts he said. As he looked into her eyes, she could not keep her calm. She burst into tears as if these were held since long for this moment. Abhinav was awestruck with this and tried to console her for what had happened. But again he could not do anything because he himself was in tears as he knew he was facing his past in his present. He had to do so and he was prepared for it. But he never knew that he would fall weak. In all this, Rajni who had lost her control tried to regain herself and spoke.
‘Abhi, I would like to say sorry for everything that I have done in the past. I know you would never forgive me for that but I am guilty of everything. I know that you always considered me as your best friend. But I had never realized it before. I should not have hurt your emotions.’
Now Abhinav broke free and asked ‘Then why did you do that Raj…why? Why did you accept my love when you knew you had no feelings of that sort? Was it all fake when you went for my proposal in 10th? Oh! God…what a fool I was. I understand that it was too childish at that moment but how could you not think once when you had no feelings for me? You could have said me the truth that you and Subhasis liked each other. Subu was my best friend yaar…how could you both think that I won’t understand?’
‘Yeah, your anger is justified Abhi, but Subu never wanted to hurt your emotions and thus he never said me about his feelings too. And more over as you know, we were very good friends as you and I. After he came to know about your feelings for me and your proposal to me, he had asked me not to break his best friend’s heart. If you remember Abhi, initially I had not said a yes to you because I never had such feelings for you. But it was your best friend and also my best friend Subu who was ready to make the sacrifice keeping everyone in dark. On his conviction that I can always trust you with your feelings and compulsion that I too had the same feelings for you which I was unaware of made me think twice for you. I tried to create feelings and thus I had agreed with Subu to go with your emotions. Abhinav I know it would hurt you but truly speaking I had no feelings for you whatsoever. But hurting you was never my intention. What I didn’t want to lose is your friendship. I didn’t want that shy, charming new comer of our class to lose himself like the time when he had come to our school. I always knew that you were very truthful with your emotions and therefore I tried to love you from the core of my heart. But during those three months of our getting together, I came to know about Subu’s sacrifice. My kinder garden friend, who had been there for me every time, was losing his own control. He was completely lost and I could see love in his eyes which he always hid from me. But how could I let go of my own emotions for him as well. Deep down me too liked roll number 9 very much. I had always required Subu in anything I wanted. This realization of my feelings made me guilty. I didn’t want to hurt you in anyway. Therefore I had decided to break up with you. But I didn’t have the guts to tell you all this at that time. I was hurt myself and wanted to make everything right. I could not help you either in this matter because Abhinav what I knew was that you too loved me as much I loved Subu. As I said I had no intention to hurt you, so I kept myself away from you thinking you might get over these feelings finding me not worth. But by the time passed in 10th grade, Subu and I had already come to know about each others feelings. At this, I know you were hurt the most and there were misunderstandings between you and Subu as well. He also was hurt for this and wanted to make everything clear. Remember Abhi, after 10th when you had come for our first reunion party and on the New Year day Subu had said you that he wanted to say you something? This was all he wanted to say but he couldn’t. He was afraid that may be he would lose your newly regained friendship. Thus he kept quiet. He had said that he would say it all to you someday very soon in the near future but he hardly knew that he was left with only few days after that.’ She burst out saying this and Abhinav was also in tears since long as he had been hearing every word of Rajni. He tried to control himself but he was in complete shock. Yes, he knew about Subhasis’s accident that became the most tragic day of his and everyone’s life. It was then that he had moved to Delhi and he could not even come for the last rituals. But after that he had never come back for any reunion and he had never understood Rajni. He had always misunderstood Rajni. But hearing all this, his soul melted down like a candle burning himself deep within. He was in complete distress. The agony that he had been in, since 7 years, got converted into tears. He cried like a child. Before he could speak anything Rajni continued with tears rolling down her eyes and her voice choking with every word. But she had to speak up. Because even silence can be deceptive! She continued to speak out, for you may never get a chance to speak what you feel, ever again.
‘Abhinav, I just wanted to tell you these things because somewhere I feel guilty for everything that has happened. May be God has punished me by taking my Subu away from me, for all that I had done to you in the past. I had never thought this could be my fate. I am really sorry for hurting you and your emotions. I never had any intention to hurt you but this is how everything had turned out to be.’
Now Abhinav had controlled himself and tried to interrupt Rajni. Tears were still rolling down his eyes but he could realize what would be going through Rajni. Regaining himself he said, ‘Rajni, you need not be sorry for anything. There was no fault of yours. If I look at everything closely then it is you who has gone through all the pain. It is you who has lost the most. It is you who was in all dilemmas. You know Raj, after I came to know about your and Subu’s emotions, I never wanted to hurt two of my best friends. I never knew how much I matter in your lives but you two had always been the most important part of my life. My life in school had found new meaning for you two only. It was that tragic incident that I had decided to leave my past behind. But this time, I got to know about your marriage and I was really happy to know that you have left the past behind. Raj, I just wanted to congratulate you for this and I wish you to be happy. Sometimes, you need to forget the past and think 'jo hota hai ache ke liye hota hai'. You can either be a whimp or a warrior. I have always seen you as a warrior who was never moved by any setback. I want you to get up and be bold enough to face the world. And please don’t worry about me, because I am very happy the way life has taken me. I request you not to feel guilty about anything and not to think that you have ever hurt me. Can friends hurt each other? Aren’t we a reason to smile for each other? You have always been a great friend and will always be one for me. Anyways tell me how your Mr.Smart is and yeah keep your tears in store for your marriage dear.’ Hearing this Rajni smiled back and with tears still in her eyes flowing down with a single motive to lose their identity once they move through her face. Abhinav wiped off her tears, and asked her to go ahead and live the new beginning of her life.
As they looked out through the window pane of the classroom they realized that it had started becoming dark and dusk was fast approaching. They got up from their small seats, where they had those memorable days and walked towards the door. As they moved forward and reached the door, Abhinav looked back at the whole room and felt a sigh of relief and took a deep breath with closed eyes thanking it to have given him the best days of his life. He felt himself to have given away with all anger, agony and frustration. He could feel a new beginning to his life exactly like the last day in school when he had a beginning to his life while leaving it. But this time he could realize how years have passed by.
As they both walked down stairs to join their other friends, Rajni congratulated Abhinav for all his achievements and success over these seven years and asked him to get himself a beautiful wife and be settled. Abhinav had smiled back and without regret agreed and said a big yes. They both reached where their other friends had settled down and without notice got themselves back into their group.
With not much questions, others too realizing the situation, got along with their fun and Abhinav also decided to come back for every reunion party in the future. He felt the beauty of childhood relationships which are more strongly bonded than the ones that we create or get later on in our lives. He had this realization that school days were the best days of his life however good or bad experiences it had brought with it. But school days are the building blocks to any person’s life.
School Days…School Days….School Days !!!!!!!!!