Who will see me off ??!!??

It all started in the month of May.One by one everyone left.

College got over.Friends started their new journey of life. I didn't miss any chance to say the final good bye. Life was taking new twists and turns. I was bound to acccept the things around me. Accepted whatever may it be. Hostelites left finally.

I had just recovered from the state of being alone. Could reorganise my life and move ahead. But again it was time to see off few of the friends who left for their respective joining at different places. Visiting the railway station and airport became a regular habbit and each time I visited these places, they reminded me of the last visit and how painful it had been seeing friends off for the last time. Tears had by then dried out and there were only helpless eyes that waited for my own chance to come.

The Wait is still on.

I had thought that I would be leaving early and tere would be many of my close friends to see me off.But that was not the case. The people who were expected to stay for long had to leave for their joining destinations. Partha and Jyoti were few of them. Never thought in the wildest of dreams that I would see them off...That was quite painful because I was never prepared for it. It really hurts when I find myself all alone out at this place and waiting for my turn to come. I would have my day too. But I won't have these people around to see me off. I know its just a weird thought to expect someone to see me off. But then thats how I am. I am the only person left out at bbsr to see everyone off. Its the toughest part to do. I know it must be sounding quite funny and rediculous but I too feel the need to move on and leave the past behind. But every time someone leaves, it recreates the wounds that were slowly getting healed.

Now tomorrow my very sweet little cousin would be leaving for Delhi. Perhaps today was the last meeting.Life has taken yet another turn. This was the most unexpected things to happen. I had always wished my close family members and friends to be there when I leave. But I always believe "Man Proposes God Disposes".

The million dollar question still remains unanswered !

I don't find people who would see me off ???!!??@@##??

Bachha Party

I am no more a child and we are no more small enough to fight for a treat. No more trips to dhauli or nandankanan. No more night long shouting around at chandrasekharpur or the day long masti. There is no more the big group of ours with 20 and more number of childeren. There are no more movie plans for the whole of three days. No dancing around on the bed of closed dark rooms on the beats of the rocking songs and neither the day long cricket in the dining space.

What I am talking of is the group of ours that used to exists when we were children. Raza, the festival of three days celebrated in Oriya families used to be one of the most awaited events for us. Being celebrated in the month of June with the first downpour of monsoon kissing the soil, it always had a big celebration time for all of us. With a group of children exceeding a minimum of 20, it need not be mentioned what would be the environment then. May it be elders or children everyone took the advantage of enjoying these three days. A perfect time for family get together with vacations continuing for everyone of us, we were never bothered about what was going around us.

This all has faded away as we grew up and we went to far distant places from each other.Slowly but steadily everyone has come a long way from our childhood days. This year Raza was of course a special one since it saw a comparatively large group formation after around five years. There were many people we missed which includes Kuni Apa, Patu Apa and my own sis Apa. But this Raza found its true colour on the last day when every one of us got together for a party. It was feeling great to have got the chance to recreate our childhood days. The biggest thing of this party was dat it was sponsored by Bhaina and Jhumpi which gave the feeling that finally we are all grown up and got into our adulthood. Barista was superb with its ambiance and the most happening thing was to find elders experiencing our matured and responsible actions. Finally the night long masti was experienced amidst all. A memorable night for each one of us, we (Dulu Mamu, Lutu Mamu, Polly Apa, Tikili Apa, Tiki Bhai, Bhaina, jhumpi, Tinkle, Sonu, Molly, Lolly, Chikun, Sourav and I) spent it on the terrace of 3rd floor playing dumb charades. It was real fun with everyone participating with complete enthusiasm. It was after years that we all had met on this occasion and everyone was also quite aware that it would again be after years to find such an opportunity. Thus not leaving any scope of masti we all kept enjoying till it was 4am in morning. Then it was time to play cards and start another round of fun. With no signs of fatigue we continued to play TAKE 2 till morning 6.30.

16th June 2007, came as a day full of memories of the past and to create few more for the years to come. The mixed feeling of having lost our childhood and having grown up so much that we don’t own the right to do what we used to do before gave me some nausea. Having come of age does not mean that we have lost our freedom to have fun. Does it mean that we need to think more and be formal with our own people? Does it make sense in keeping our mouth shut and sit idle all day long?

But whatever it is, I had a great time and I am definitely going to miss it in years to come. This is probably the last Raza at home and with all my cousins around. Next time there would be many changes like Molly and Lolly won’t be at BBSR, Polly Apa would have got married and I would have got settled at Kolkata and probably won’t have leave to come home during this time. Lot more unexpected is to occur and change. Thus, this becomes all the more special. Days of childhood would be close to heart and our Bachha Party would always stay intact where ever we are.Let’s meet once again next year. Waiting eagerly for yet another such get together with all my dearest ones around.

To listen is so difficult. To listen means to be here, now

To listen is so difficult. To listen means to be here, now. To listen means to be without any thought. To listen means to be alert and aware. If these conditions are fulfilled, only then you listen. The mind goes on spinning a thousand and one thoughts, and the mind goes on moving — in the past, in the future. How can you listen? And whatever you listen to, it will not be right listening at all.You will listen to something else which has not been said at all, you will go on missing that which is said — because you will not be in tune. To listen well ordinarily means to listen in a deep receptivity. When you listen, if you are arguing, judging, saying, "Yes, this is right because it fits with my ideology and this is not right because it doesn't..." If you are continuously sorting out things inside, you are listening but you are not listening well. You are listening with your past mind interfering. It is not you judging, it is your past. You have read and heard a few things, you have been conditioned for a few things. The past wants to perpetuate itself. It does not allow anything new; it allows only the old that fits with it. To listen rightly means to listen obediently. This word obedience is beautiful. You will be surprised to know that the original root from which the word obedience comes is obedire — it means 'a thorough listening'. If you listen totally you will obey. You will not need any decision on your part. Truth is self-evident. Or as the Jewish tradition says, 'to bare your ear'. If you have really opened your ear and there is no interference and no disturbance inside, and no distraction, you have not only opened your ear, you have opened your heart. And if the seed falls into the heart, sooner or later it will become a tree. Ear locks have to be removed. Fear of truth is the basic lock. You are afraid of the truth because you have lived in lies... for so long that all those lies are afraid, if truth comes they will all have to leave you. The moment you come closer to truth, the mind will become disturbed. It will create much stir, raise much dust, create a cloud around you so that you cannot hear what truth is.

Buddha has said that unless you are fearless you will not attain to truth. When you bow in a church, mosque or temple, to a statue, scripture, or tradition, where is your bowing coming from? Just watch inside — and you will find fear, fear and fear. Faith appears only on death of fear. Faith means trust. How can a fearful man trust? He is always thinking, protecting, defending. How can he trust? To trust, you need courage. To trust, you need to take risk. To trust, you need to move into danger. The Chinese ideogram for crisis consists of two symbols: one means danger, another means opportunity. Yes, that moment is a critical moment when you are facing danger and opportunity, both. If you don't go into danger you will miss the opportunity. If you want opportunity you will have to go into danger. Those who know how to live dangerously, only they are religious.

Excerpted from The Diamond Sutra, courtesy Osho International Foundation/ www.osho.com.

Google Black

Google Black is something I didnt know about.It was really amazing to find the science behind it and how it saves energy. This has really impressed me in a sense that google is one of those organisations that work towards the betterment of the people and world.No doubt its just in the process of creating some never thought technology possible which definitely would make people aware of technology. Global warming being one of the most important point of concern, google has certainly found a better way to create awareness and help people protect their own environment. Leading by example google has definitely created a benchmark in this field.

But now its upto the users to come forward and save the energy and save world against global warming.

http://www.treehugger.com/files/2007/02/black_google_wo.php

http://black-google.blogspot.com/

Kolkata Revisited

Every trip to kolkata has given me something to cherish about.
Glad that I had such a trip that too at such a critical time of my life.Things were changing pretty fast and the relationships too.People werent far too behind.The beginning of the trip never gave any such hint.But definitely there was some good feeling.Feeling of living my life right from the beginning.
As I was leaving bbsr on 19th of Jan I wanted to leave behind the past.I was quite aware how long the voyage wud be.How tiring it wud be.Just wanted to get busy with life such that I would not get time to think of the past.This is wat I had been doing since years.But may be I had forgotten my own self.

Life has so much to give which we are rarely aware of !!
Never thought at the beginning of the trip that Swyl wud be such a good friend.A person who had been around since 4 years in d same college.But discovered the real him in this trip.The always considered arrogant and outspoken guy cud b so different was really difficult to accept.But truely speaking I knew there was a better side to him.But I had never got a chance to view that.May be this was the day.It was a great experience to be with him and share with him all the thoughts which i hv nt done with many people.Not even with the bestest of my friends.There was something really amazing that made our thoughts and views connect to each other.
Two days were sufficient to know a person whom I could not know for four complete years !! It may b that we sometimes tend to share with people whom we dont know much and we get quite comfortable with.The same was the case with Swyl too.The bottom line is that we made great friends and I wud cherish it for a long time to come.
Shradha was another such person.I met her for the first time at kolkata and few talks were sufficient to make her a friend.She is a completely different person.A stable person with a stable mind.Knows exactly wat she is doing and wat she is capable of.Quite responsible to carry the
loads over her head.Thats wat makes her so different...Few hang outs made her presence felt.Glad to have met such a nice and different person wen trusting an unknown person was never easy for me after all that had happened to me.

Few things are tuff to forget.

A fabulous evening with Swati and Shradha on the steps of the hangout of city center,salt lake followed by a movie Guru in the Inox wud always remain as a sweet memory and a new step to the life ahead.
The walk along the roads of esplanade and feeling the chilling cold breeze kissing the ears and nose.The light from the lamp posts falling behind us and the never ending road seemed to loop us.Searching for our building and getting late to the place where we stayed.The best part was dat the gates were locked from inside by the time we reached and we(Swyl and I ) were shouting aloud at the top of our voices from the outside trying to call the security guards to open the gates.But in vain.Hungry stomach and bloody tired sleepy eyes were not ready to accept the fact that we are left with no other option to wait and wait for the gates to be opened.The only option that seemed logical and viable was to make a move to the railway station to spend the night which seemed to b longer than usual.But still we tried and tried.And luckily we found a security guard to our good luck and we were in.Into our room but nothing to eat.Smiles and some water were the only thing that we had to eat.Though tired and frustrated with all that occuring around and nothing going right at that moment I knew this was altogether a different experience and I enjoyed the whole of the melodrama and the exciting episode of that night.
The IIM,Calcutta experience and the feel of life at IIM. I could now realise the reason why IIMs are always a student's dream.The place is a nature's paradise with seven lakes within it.Not to be surprised though.It has all that a student would require and the best thing was the silence and the calmness in the environment.
The last night at kolkata with completely different experience at the pub.The taxi episode just before the entry into the pub brings back those curves around my cheeks.First night at a pub.I had expected to enjoy each moment but I could feel the void in everyones life around me.The void that all wanted to hide.I too was no exception.The pub was pumping with the blast of the bass and treble.People were dancing around and the music was on the rise.But along all this I was alone.Rather I was lonely.I could see the big difference that existed within the pub and the outside world through the big glass that separated both of them.Sometime before I had always wanted to be on this side of the glass.But now that i was already through I wanted to be on the other side.I wanted to be one among them who were sleeping and feel the calm dat covered them like a blanket.I could see a taxi passing by the wide road and an aeroplane crossing the big sky above.The view from the 8th floor of the bulding from the pub was really mesmerising.It was quite suffocating inside.But I tried my level best to try and be normal.But as I looked through the glass to the outside world I could feel the importance of night.The value that it has.Night brings with it a calm and the power to regroup urself to get ready for the next day,the next fight for existence.I didnt know the people who were inside the pub n wud never meet them in my life for the second time.But they all are fresh in my mind and I dont know why.I can figure each one out and connect them to all that was happening around me.They have become a part of my life and the moment I think of than nite each one comes alive.But I dont know wat was bothering me that night.No doubt it was enhtralling to have made it to the place.But den didnt feel the excitement within.The feeling was void within.I seriously wanted to be lost in the crowd with few drinks but I refrained. Something pulled me back.May be my next visit would make it easy for me to accept that environment.And I again repeat May Be ! Coz I dont know whether I wud ever get back to such place which makes me so different...But the
moment I came out of the pub i felt lot better and loved the outside world more dan before.The fresh air and the purer people.The actual and true me.
Carrying myself back to the station n taking alongwith me the thoughts and memories of the new friend and saying audie to all that was amazing to experience.

Kolkata has always given me great memories.But simultaneously reminds me that it is the place where I would start my new life and this would be the place whr i would stay after my engg career.Just waiting for the day to come and its not far away.Hope I get the best out of it.