Inspiration

I have been blogging since long. Didnt realise that it has almost been two years from now that i posted my first blog. Believe me its not easy to continue doing this unless there is some inspiration to do so. To start it was a big task for me.
How did it start then ?
Well, i had plans for getting into this world long before i posted my first blog out here. Had even created my own account. I remember, then blogger was a different identity altogether with nothing like google behind it. Somehow one day when i was just logging in i found that it has been taken up by google. Became easier for me to transform my account to gmail a/c and thus more easier for me to forget about blogging as life used to be on a different track with other priorities. Never did i realise why should i go for this world.I was curious to give it a try since i had heard a lot about it then.Life was orkut much more than anything else though on the later stages orkut still continued to play a good role in my life. But thanks to orkut that i got my inspiration(in person) who could explain to me my real priorities and the true potential that this world of blogging has. I agree that blogging practices are of different types. And my expectations initially was to address a huge audience with something really innovative and different. Somewhere i was waiting for something different to do. Make it really Big! And thus i kept on waiting and waiting than going for it.
But things changed so rapidly that i never realised that I was into my first blog after waiting for over a year. Thanks to the person who inspired me about blogging. It was she who actually had been blogging since long. After going through her blogs i realised that i didnt need a big theme to go for it. it can be kept simply simple. Interacting with her about everything in life gave me a complete different idea about how i looked at things. Though my writing skills can never match her type but what i realised was that i need not be a big writer or a scholar to start it. What i needed was to be truthful to myself in carrying it further. Many small things inspired me from her blog which i had never realised ever in my life. Every aspect of her writing was different from the other.
Thats how i started my journey which i was not sure of where was i heading to. how was it going to help me. Only thing that i had, was to write my heart out. lots of encouragement and support with every post from her actually kept on pushing me. As the journey had stated it was just a process which i needed to continue. I had started loving what i was doing and slowly i realised that it was what i had been looking for. Posting frequently became a habbit as she would keep waiting for my next post. This always gave a reason to go ahead. Things started to roll on and on. In the process, i got to know a different person. It was none other than me! And thanks to her for making me realise what i was.It was her endeavour in giving me very truthful feedback which helped me get better and better. She had always been a perfect critic of my posts.
For over a period of six months i kept on rolling the ball which i loved to play with. And during that she hadn't stopped writing either. Her blogs and few more blogs suggested by her helped me know what it exactly meant to write it on the blog rather than a diary. I know what i write generally does not have much of interest to people who are not connected to me. But it hardly matters. I don't write it out here for someone to read. I write it for the reason that i wanna write it. Just putting my perception to everything that goes around me. Tellig you all this has definitely has a reason. Reason to thank the person who helped me come so far. Giving all the credits to my source of inspiration. Hadn't she come into my life i would have never ever started this beautiful journey. Hadn't she figured out me and understood me as a person i would not have been writing this today. Its all credit to her that I stand here. She came into my life as if it was only for this purpose.To make me start this journey and continue it futher. Today as i sit down to think about all that occurred, she isn't there in touch with me for more than one and half year now. She has even stopped blogging. I can't accept that she has left writing. Reasons for these changes are unknown and i have no scope to find it out either. But i am not convinced that she has left writing. She could never do so. Just like air that we breath, writing was life for her. She could live without air but without writing i suppose it would raise quite a few eyebros who knew her deep down.
For her there may be many reasons for not coming into the public with her writings. But for me i can't even find a single reason for which she has not kept it going. With all my curiousity i still wait for her blog to get updated someday. I hope she still goes through my blogs and finds this today. Its impossible that she wouldn't be going through this because i know how she used to read my posts as soon as they got posted. Sometimes this really bothers me. Restlessness creeps in with many different fears raising their heads like demons within me. Fears which i can't explain. But there has to be something wrong with her.
Even after contacting her after such long period i couldn't make out the reason. Just like a mystery it has denied to unfold itself. Unfold the real truth which i am unaware of. Awaiting time to give me a chance someday to know the reality. But supposedly those of my fears shouldn't come out true. Praying God for everything to be fine.
Finally, I would thank her once again for making me get into this journey. If you are reading this Neha, then I would appeal to you to get back to blogging. Come back to this world and if you don't intend to then at least let me know the truth. Now its not under my senses anymore. And please give a second thought to your decision. Do get back.
Don't have any other means to convey my thanks other than this. Hope you read it someday.

School Days

[This piece of fiction connects to the days which every individual loves to get back to. The days we always cherish and the incidents which now may appear to be trivial were of the most matured events for us at the beginning of adolescence. Here is an attempt to step back and have a look at the very similar events which we too have experienced at some point of time. The School Days! ]

She looked like an angel. Their eyes met and she gave him a usual smile that had made his heart skip its beat years ago. He neither expected the smile nor did he expect skip of a beat. No doubt he had his excitement to see her after 7 long years. That’s what brought him to the reunion party of his batch at school. He had never attended this event all these years. But this time the reason was quite obvious.
She was getting married next year. This would be her last visit for the reunion. She has never missed a single reunion party after school got over. But this time she didn’t want to attend it. A strange feeling crossed her mind. It was in the morning 9.30 that she realized. She had to reach school by 11am. But this strange feeling of anxiety made her a bit reluctant. Did she hear Ravi saying the other day that Abhinav was coming for this reunion for the first time? But why then is he flying from London only for this event while he never came for the reunions earlier when he was in the same place?
It was after pretty long time that Abhinav was back from office at 8pm. The last whole year had been truly over scheduled. Having got a chance to prove himself, he didn’t wish to let it go this time. It’s been quite hectic for him but he loved to over stress himself. Not because he liked it but he believed in keeping himself so busy that he had no time for other thoughts to cross his mind which he was afraid of. He just wanted to let go off the past. His only belief that he should be busy enough to have no time left through out the day made him work harder and when it came to the end of the day, only thing that his mortal body looked for was a place to lie down in the arms of stress. Lying on the bed he just remembered how busy he had been since he left college. But what went wrong? Why was he so busy? What for? Queries uncountable crossed his mind suddenly. The feeling of restlessness took him to the huge windowpane. He could feel the cold through the glass pane. London looked spectacular from the 22nd floor of his apartment. As he slid the window, a gust of wind kissed him making his specs go blurred. It even made the survival of the warm flame difficult at the fire place. But this didn’t move him. He was lost in thoughts of the chat that he had with Nilima two hours back.
She was late. She finally decided to attend the party. It was her last visit and she didn’t want to miss the opportunity to meet all her old pals for the last time. After all they were the people who had stood alongside her during the thick and thin times of these 7 years. Not to forget the worst phase of life after school. She reached late and it was a delight for everyone to see her. There were those smiling faces and big laughs over the childhood days. Sitting under the big Mango tree they all discussed those childish acts of theirs. Those small fights and big pranks had become memorable for everyone who was part of it. Behind every small thing that they discussed there lived some good old memories which could easily bring out tears in the smiling faces at regular intervals. For Rajni it was a treat to be there and be a part of such a batch which was one of the best ones in the school so far. But her eyes were searching for someone. She knew he would be there. Ravi would not lie to her for any reason. But she wondered why she was anxious.
Abhinav arrived but he was late, for his car broke down on the way. But everyone was really feeling great meeting him after 7 long years. They knew he would be there this time and somewhere everybody thought he had changed a lot since he left. No calls and contact from his side had made everybody think that he was no more their same Abhinav. But meeting him, these all doubts were cleared when they saw the same old shy and charming Abhinav. It was just that he had grown tall with a wide smile that he rarely used to have. Someone said "Hey Abhi, you needn’t stand in front of the queue anymore during the assembly!!" That made everyone burst out laughing. Even Rajni did have a good laugh and when everyone went together for the lunch their eyes met and she had the same smile. How could he forget the smile that had drawn many guys of the school to woo her from the same batch as well as the seniors?
As everybody went ahead with the lunch and chit chats of the most memorable days, Abhinav chose to go around the school and firstly to the room where he had completed his grade X. As he moved along the corridor every thing flashed back. Though it had been 7 long years that he visited his school but that was not big enough for his memories to be blurred. He could remember his first day in school. He, in his 6th grade had to shift school for his dad’s transferable job. Though he never wished to change his school but there was nothing he could do about it. He had to come along leaving behind the past. When he crossed the principal’s room he remembered how he was assigned his class as VI-A and his roll number as 16. That was his identity for his day to start. The heavy new bag, full of new books were heavy enough for him to carry. He had no excitement but a fear while he was escorted to his classroom by the attendant who ruthlessly showed him his classroom and informed the teacher about the new student with roll number 16. He wondered what his parents would do after going back to their new home from the principal’s room. He wished he could join them and be a part of all the fun of unloading and of course settling of things. For him, who was a child of age 11, it was all fun to run around with his new BMW car (of course playing loudest horns even if there was nothing to stop his car) in the magical flat which was actually speaking whatever he spoke. This thought brought about a big smile on Abhinav’s face on his own innocence. Looking back at the principal’s room he moved along to take the stairs to the first floor.
Every step that he took gave him millions of memories and he could feel the excitement now, which he never had on his first day. He kept on smiling like a crazy person. His smile had by then turned into an open hearted laughter when he realized that it was after such a long time that he himself couldn’t make out how long was it. As it was winter vacation for the students, there was no one in the school except him and his batch mates. He had never seen school to be so silent and lonely. His laughter slowly died out as he passed through VI-A. He could see through the glass pane the first bench near the door where he sat for next one year after he was left all alone by that rude attendant at the hands of some brutal lady who perhaps seemed to be the strictest teacher in the school. Well, by the time he could imagine all the fun at home, roll call had started and he started to pay attention when it reached roll no 9, 10 and 11. Just a halt and suddenly he heard someone say ‘dude…enough of sight seeing…come and have your lunch…we are having loads of fun and of course girls are missing u a lot…where are u lost yaar?’ ‘Just a few minutes bro…I’ll be right back..carry on and I promise I would join you people in no time..and yeah thanks for the news about all the girls ;)" , he said. Just then, he saw Rajni in the ground floor. Ignoring her and trying to get back to his sweet memories he moved ahead.
Rajni, who had been to school every year and even more than once a year during these seven years, could actually understand what must have been going through Abhinav’s mind. She could feel the pain in his heart. His reasons for not coming to school after he left no one knew but it was she who had known everything though he hadn’t even contacted her after that. Just that she had known Abhinav since the day he came to school, Rajni knew him very well. Though she had visited school quite regularly in the past but she too was quite nostalgic about her days in school. She was nervous about her new life that was going to begin. There were these other things which didn’t actually keep her connected to the discussions around her. Everybody by now had actually got down from the mode of fun and frolic. Everyone was having their lunch and topics regarding school days had started. People were discussing all the happenings, their experiences of life after school, their new friends, new relationships, the new people they met and how they were moving ahead with the fast paced life. Then there were talks of few people who had already got married and those who couldn’t make it to the event for their personal constraints. There were innumerable talks on various topics which covered everything under the sky including politics and the new generation people. The mood was set for a good time for the whole day. It had been really fun and fantabulous for everyone.
But, on the other hand seriously immersed in his own thoughts and childhood memories, Abhinav walked along and passed by all the class rooms, sports room, staff room, store room, labs where he had spent years of his childhood, his uninterrupted days of fun with his playful friends his lovable teachers who gradually became his best teachers of the lifetime. Ticking of each second in the watch gave him bliss and never ending happiness. He wished if time could halt and he would have another chance to relive his school life. He wondered why every grade he studied was of only one year duration. Why not two or more? He had moved into his childhood innocence and finally when he reached his class X-A, it was all volatile. He was in some other world of his own. He didn’t know what he was trying to do. Where he was heading to? It meant no sense. He just wanted to be there and feel the days which were the last days of his school life. He knew its importance because it was his 10th grade that changed his life significantly though not completely as he had thought when he was in his adolescent. He stood there in front of the door and helped himself in. That was the room where he had lived the best days of his life. He was facing his past in this beautiful set up once more. He moved across the green board through all the desks and benches observing closely each and everything as if he was going through the past itself. He could identify his seat. Moving his hands across the desk, he slowly sat down getting all his nerves under control.
He was lost in his world when he could hear sound of foot steps drawing closer to the room and he could see Rajni standing at the door. Before he could speak anything Rajni walked slowly into the room and he looked with astonishment.
‘Hi Abhi…How are u??’ ‘I’m fine…but how come you are here?’ he reverted back in a hurry.
‘Yes Abhi I know, you must be surprised to see me here and supposedly it’s after such a long time that we are meeting for which you could forget that we are still friends and you didn’t…’
Abhinav interrupted her and said ‘Look Raj, I don’t want to discuss what I have left behind in the past. But anyways, heard you are getting married. Congratulations!’ He was surprised to have asked this question by himself. He was trying to make her comfortable and change the topic but he realized that he had made it worse.
‘Thanks and yeah I’m getting married this March.’, she said and could not look into his face. Turning her head away she started ‘Yeah, his name is Sekhar and he is a businessman in Mumbai. It’s an arranged marriage!!’
Though Abhinav had every detail of it before he reached in Pune, but he didn’t let her know about it. ‘Oh!! wow…that’s great…I hope you are happy with your parents’ decision and you are looking forward to it.’ ‘Of course yes Abhi and being my best friend you can definitely understand my circumstances.’ This sounded like a shock for Abhinav. He couldn’t believe what his ears were hearing. Best Friends was something which he had again never expected.
The first day at school, he had seen the most bubbly, naughty girl during the roll call when she had responded to 11. As the days had passed by, Abhinav had found it tough to connect to his new school. Though he had started interacting with few students, but he still didn’t have the greatest of times. It was then that he had got a new friend named Rajni whose sweet and cute smile had always made him feel good about their friendship which had blossomed quickly into a very strong bond between them. He always considered Rajni as his best friend but he was not sure of the same from the other side.
‘Hey Abhi, are you here???’ ‘Yups’, breaking from the thoughts he said. As he looked into her eyes, she could not keep her calm. She burst into tears as if these were held since long for this moment. Abhinav was awestruck with this and tried to console her for what had happened. But again he could not do anything because he himself was in tears as he knew he was facing his past in his present. He had to do so and he was prepared for it. But he never knew that he would fall weak. In all this, Rajni who had lost her control tried to regain herself and spoke.
‘Abhi, I would like to say sorry for everything that I have done in the past. I know you would never forgive me for that but I am guilty of everything. I know that you always considered me as your best friend. But I had never realized it before. I should not have hurt your emotions.’
Now Abhinav broke free and asked ‘Then why did you do that Raj…why? Why did you accept my love when you knew you had no feelings of that sort? Was it all fake when you went for my proposal in 10th? Oh! God…what a fool I was. I understand that it was too childish at that moment but how could you not think once when you had no feelings for me? You could have said me the truth that you and Subhasis liked each other. Subu was my best friend yaar…how could you both think that I won’t understand?’
‘Yeah, your anger is justified Abhi, but Subu never wanted to hurt your emotions and thus he never said me about his feelings too. And more over as you know, we were very good friends as you and I. After he came to know about your feelings for me and your proposal to me, he had asked me not to break his best friend’s heart. If you remember Abhi, initially I had not said a yes to you because I never had such feelings for you. But it was your best friend and also my best friend Subu who was ready to make the sacrifice keeping everyone in dark. On his conviction that I can always trust you with your feelings and compulsion that I too had the same feelings for you which I was unaware of made me think twice for you. I tried to create feelings and thus I had agreed with Subu to go with your emotions. Abhinav I know it would hurt you but truly speaking I had no feelings for you whatsoever. But hurting you was never my intention. What I didn’t want to lose is your friendship. I didn’t want that shy, charming new comer of our class to lose himself like the time when he had come to our school. I always knew that you were very truthful with your emotions and therefore I tried to love you from the core of my heart. But during those three months of our getting together, I came to know about Subu’s sacrifice. My kinder garden friend, who had been there for me every time, was losing his own control. He was completely lost and I could see love in his eyes which he always hid from me. But how could I let go of my own emotions for him as well. Deep down me too liked roll number 9 very much. I had always required Subu in anything I wanted. This realization of my feelings made me guilty. I didn’t want to hurt you in anyway. Therefore I had decided to break up with you. But I didn’t have the guts to tell you all this at that time. I was hurt myself and wanted to make everything right. I could not help you either in this matter because Abhinav what I knew was that you too loved me as much I loved Subu. As I said I had no intention to hurt you, so I kept myself away from you thinking you might get over these feelings finding me not worth. But by the time passed in 10th grade, Subu and I had already come to know about each others feelings. At this, I know you were hurt the most and there were misunderstandings between you and Subu as well. He also was hurt for this and wanted to make everything clear. Remember Abhi, after 10th when you had come for our first reunion party and on the New Year day Subu had said you that he wanted to say you something? This was all he wanted to say but he couldn’t. He was afraid that may be he would lose your newly regained friendship. Thus he kept quiet. He had said that he would say it all to you someday very soon in the near future but he hardly knew that he was left with only few days after that.’ She burst out saying this and Abhinav was also in tears since long as he had been hearing every word of Rajni. He tried to control himself but he was in complete shock. Yes, he knew about Subhasis’s accident that became the most tragic day of his and everyone’s life. It was then that he had moved to Delhi and he could not even come for the last rituals. But after that he had never come back for any reunion and he had never understood Rajni. He had always misunderstood Rajni. But hearing all this, his soul melted down like a candle burning himself deep within. He was in complete distress. The agony that he had been in, since 7 years, got converted into tears. He cried like a child. Before he could speak anything Rajni continued with tears rolling down her eyes and her voice choking with every word. But she had to speak up. Because even silence can be deceptive! She continued to speak out, for you may never get a chance to speak what you feel, ever again.
‘Abhinav, I just wanted to tell you these things because somewhere I feel guilty for everything that has happened. May be God has punished me by taking my Subu away from me, for all that I had done to you in the past. I had never thought this could be my fate. I am really sorry for hurting you and your emotions. I never had any intention to hurt you but this is how everything had turned out to be.’
Now Abhinav had controlled himself and tried to interrupt Rajni. Tears were still rolling down his eyes but he could realize what would be going through Rajni. Regaining himself he said, ‘Rajni, you need not be sorry for anything. There was no fault of yours. If I look at everything closely then it is you who has gone through all the pain. It is you who has lost the most. It is you who was in all dilemmas. You know Raj, after I came to know about your and Subu’s emotions, I never wanted to hurt two of my best friends. I never knew how much I matter in your lives but you two had always been the most important part of my life. My life in school had found new meaning for you two only. It was that tragic incident that I had decided to leave my past behind. But this time, I got to know about your marriage and I was really happy to know that you have left the past behind. Raj, I just wanted to congratulate you for this and I wish you to be happy. Sometimes, you need to forget the past and think 'jo hota hai ache ke liye hota hai'. You can either be a whimp or a warrior. I have always seen you as a warrior who was never moved by any setback. I want you to get up and be bold enough to face the world. And please don’t worry about me, because I am very happy the way life has taken me. I request you not to feel guilty about anything and not to think that you have ever hurt me. Can friends hurt each other? Aren’t we a reason to smile for each other? You have always been a great friend and will always be one for me. Anyways tell me how your Mr.Smart is and yeah keep your tears in store for your marriage dear.’ Hearing this Rajni smiled back and with tears still in her eyes flowing down with a single motive to lose their identity once they move through her face. Abhinav wiped off her tears, and asked her to go ahead and live the new beginning of her life.
As they looked out through the window pane of the classroom they realized that it had started becoming dark and dusk was fast approaching. They got up from their small seats, where they had those memorable days and walked towards the door. As they moved forward and reached the door, Abhinav looked back at the whole room and felt a sigh of relief and took a deep breath with closed eyes thanking it to have given him the best days of his life. He felt himself to have given away with all anger, agony and frustration. He could feel a new beginning to his life exactly like the last day in school when he had a beginning to his life while leaving it. But this time he could realize how years have passed by.
As they both walked down stairs to join their other friends, Rajni congratulated Abhinav for all his achievements and success over these seven years and asked him to get himself a beautiful wife and be settled. Abhinav had smiled back and without regret agreed and said a big yes. They both reached where their other friends had settled down and without notice got themselves back into their group.
With not much questions, others too realizing the situation, got along with their fun and Abhinav also decided to come back for every reunion party in the future. He felt the beauty of childhood relationships which are more strongly bonded than the ones that we create or get later on in our lives. He had this realization that school days were the best days of his life however good or bad experiences it had brought with it. But school days are the building blocks to any person’s life.
School Days…School Days….School Days !!!!!!!!!

Oh! Calcutta

Seems like its been a decade that I have written !
Oh! What a feeling!
I come back and as always the world around me is sleeping and the wait is for a new sunrise and a new beginning into every sleeping eye. But, I have been scrolling through my memory lane with the best of my knowledge. Why then had i clicked each moment of my past ? I just realized what i always used to do was for today. Getting back to this platform to write again had never crossed my mind. I had always believed that I would resume writing only after I get back to Kolkata. Oh!! Did I say Kolkata and did you read the same?Of course yes!
Again and again my last few posts have always spoken of Kolkata, rather I would prefer to say Calcutta. Thus, many people have come up and asked me why Calcutta even when I am not originally from this place and I even don't have my home there and I have never lived there for more than even half of a year!! This really makes me think twice to answer them. Not because I don't want to but because I seriously don't know that Big 'WHY'. Poeple say I am crazy and I accept it for there is nothing wrong. Yes I am mad for this place and rather I should say obsessed with this place. But some how I too understand I have no specfic reason for all this obsession. But again, now I have realised the reason why I always want to get back to this place keeping everything at stake of my life.
Its the place itself, the people, the dhakki, the idols, the pujo, the rickshaw, the bright yellow taxis, the broken canals, the muddy roads of the rain( those who don't know me in and out would definitely be amazed to know how much I hate muddy roads with water logging of even the slightest kind), of course the water logged Kolkata rain, the food, the people again and lastly the first experience of this place which remains ever lasting due to some amazing 6 days in Oct 2006. Its a different story altogether. This post could have become the continuation of the saga of tales that I had in my blog in my early writing days. I had initially thought of this idea to complete the task left undone in 2006. But for the people who have never gone through the earlier posts would never relate to the events or even to the characters mentioned in the previous posts. So i prefer to keep that personal for some other occasion.
Getting back to what I intended to share, I would throw a bit of light on my whole perception of Kolkata.
Way back in July,2006 we were placed in our campus and were having the best times of our college days. Thanks to a gang of like minded monsters who knew how to screw it after the hard work that was put in to get placed in for the future career. All was set for the big stage to host the biggest journey called life-after-college. The motto of life prior to that event to take place was to ENJOY! Future for me was quite expected. Life had to begin at Kolkata in either CTS or TechM in July,2007(that was a big question mark for me until i realised I joined TechM finally :D). So as to achieve our motto and of course the intention to see the place which would in future be a hell for me took me to Calcutta. Courtesy one of my friends who invited three of us to visit Kolkata during Puja in October. For those who don't know what Puja is let me inform you that Puja is actually Pujo, the biggest festival celebrated in Kolkata for the victory of good over evil by Maa Durga. Without much of planning we reached Kolkata. Unexpectedly the trip was awesome and I got to see the best of Kolkata. And to tell you the truth, my friend's hospitality reflected in the whole of Kolkata. Pandal hopping, shopping, night outs and visits to the best of the best places in kolkata made me familiar to the city of Joy. Unexpectedly, I got a great picture of Kolkata which I would have never got had I directly visited Kolkata for joining. The trip ended along with the end of my prior perception of Kolkata being very unruly and hell of a place.
Came July,2007. Final destination Kolkata! Or should I again correct myself by saying Calcutta. Why do I always correct myself for this ? Well, for me Calcutta was the experience of my college time visit. And Kolkata was my joining location! But before joining, there had been another visit to Kolkata as well which ended up being another hell of an experience. I mean these visits always became one of the best parts of my life. Having had two great experiences with Calcutta, I always expected Kolkata(the place of joining location) to turn out to be Calcutta( the place of Lovely memories of the past). But, as always, we rarely come upto our own expectation level. Leave apart expecting a place to come upto its level. Started off with big blows and real bad time. But as my sub concious mind was already prepared for it since I had a wrong perception of this place. So, it didn't take me long to accept and I along with my roommates could come over it. Then i realised life can always throw an exception. But during this hard time at Kolkata, I suddenly felt the conversion of Kolkata to Calcutta for me. Just because I could see and learn a lot about life which also became the best part of my life as a memory. We had started staying in the same 1BHK flat where we had stayed for the visit to Calcutta in 2006. Things changed for me thereafter.
By the time I left Calcutta, it had already become just like heaven for me. Though I never got a chance to stay during Puja in 2007 or visit the places or the people who had become a strong part of my memory during my first visit in 2006, but they always remain to be at the safest part of my memory lane. Getting back to Kolkata never meant getting back to a place. For me its always getting back to Calcutta feeling, just like heaven. No doubt, I created some fabulous memories during my stay in 2007 as well. That also became another reason for me to speak of Calcutta. Never ever did I think in my wildest dreams that Kolkata would become one of my biggest obsessions in life. Its just that I don't want to feel guilty about my biggest regret of my life. I just don't want to live with the biggest regret of my life forever.
I want to get back, to rewrite some more pages, undo few mistakes and come off the regret.
Can I ever go Back Oh Calcutta!!

Some Diary Pages - A fiction from Internet

SOME DIARY PAGES – 1

Date: 15-Jan
HE:
I wait everyday till 8.00 in the office even if there is no work. All of my teammates ask me why; how can I tell them that I don’t wait for any personal or official work but the only reason why I wait is the ‘secretary’- a girl in my 8.00 p.m. Chinchwad bus. ‘Secretary’ is not her real name, it’s sort of a code name given to her by me and my friends. Truly speaking, I like her. She might not be one of those who look like Aishwarya Rai or Preitty Zinta, but she is cute and simple and that’s the reason I like her. For past 6 months I have been staring at her in the bus, while going to office and coming back from the office. When I get into bus, somehow my eyes search the whole bus just to have her glimpse.
I never had a girlfriend till now, not that I don’t like to have friendship with girls but somehow they usually prefer tall-dark-handsome qualities in their boyfriends, out of which I possess none. I don’t want to jump to any relationship like this with the secretary but at least just a friendship, is it possible?
I want to talk to her. I want to have friendship with her. I know her name, for I had seen her ID card one day. But I don’t have the guts to talk to her. I even don’t know whether she knows me even by face. I know, no one can help me here; no-one other than myself, but I simply have no guts. At least someone probably a common friend, might at least formally introduce us to each other.
SHE:
There is one guy in my office bus. His name is Shriram. I think he likes me, for me and even my friends have observed him many times staring at myself. Even when he gets into the bus, rather than searching for an empty seat, his eyes search the whole bus for me. Don’t know why but I kind of like it. Sometimes the feeling of knowing that someone loves you is far better than actually loving somebody. I didn’t have any affair till today, not that I didn’t like or love anyone, there was a guy in my college, whom I liked a lot but somehow he stayed away from me, not that he didn’t like me but probably because I am not that beautiful and he wanted someone much more better than me.
This guy, Shri, that’s what his friends call him, I had heard it once in the bus; he seems to be interested in me, not sure about love as such but friendship might not be bad. At least the guy seems to be decent one. I would like to be his friend, but how can I go forward? Afterall he is the boy, he should come one step ahead …not me.
SOME DIARY PAGES – 2
Date: 16-Jan
HE:
My roommate told me to approach her and get introduced to her all by myself. It’s not that easy; this is not a college, what if she complains about this to higher authorities? No, I can’t take this risk. Someone else better introduce her to me. God, can you help me please?
SHE:
My cousin told me to show some sign to him that I am ok in having friendship with him. I think he is afraid to come forward. I’ll give him a good friendly smile tomorrow, when he gets into the bus. I hope he understands and decrypts my signal. God, can you please help him?
GOD:
Now should I come into this picture? Both of these human beings are acting as if they are in a big problem. Although not for me, I had made life so simple for you, just added a bit of emotions there and see how complex you have made it. Now that I am the god, you must have been expecting me to intervene and have some miracle, but no; I won’t interfere here. I have created this world with some fixed rules and everything is just working as per that. Why should I just interfere and break my own rules thereby disrupting the balance of this whole system?
SOME DIARY PAGES – 3
Date: 17-Jan
HE:
Today when I got into the bus and looked at her, she returned back a cute smile. Was she serious? I don’t know; probably she must have told her friends about me and they must have been making fun of me and that’s why when I got into the bus she started laughing and I misunderstood it for smiling. Such a fool of me. Damn, her friends must be having fun discussing things about me.
SHE:
Today when he got into the bus, I smiled at him. But he seemed to be more puzzled than pleased. Is he really interested in having friendship with me or not? I really don’t know. Why am I thinking so much about him? Have I started liking him? Or is it just like you just get used to some things as a habit, and then you unknowingly start liking them? I think it’s the latter case here. Please god please let that guy be a descent one. My sixth sense says he is a descent guy. I think he must have got puzzled because of the smile I gave him. It wasn’t my fault, for I showed him that I am interested in friendship. Now the ball lies in his court. Will he dare first to talk?
Date: 18-Jan
HE:
I am damn confused. I don’t know what to do. Every day everyone around me is bombarding me with some tactics to approach her but nothing seems to suit me well. My roommates even started taunting me that I can’t have a girlfriend or at least the guts to approach the gal. I am leaving it now on luck. I will just continue whatever is going on; let the luck take us wherever and however intended.
SOME DIARY PAGES – 4
Date: 25-Jan
HE:
Nothing unusual or special happened in the last few days. However, today I thought something interesting might happen. The bus was about to start the back-home journey today when she and one of her friends got into the bus. They were searching for a place to sit. I was alone on a seat of three. I was thrilled that she would sit on the same seat beside me. But she just came, momentarily paused at the seat, turned to her friend and just went past; to sit on the last seat. I couldn’t see the expressions on her face clearly but what I saw was a face filled up with hate or some similar feeling that clearly showed expression such as whatever might happen, I am not going to sit beside this *****. It was really heartbreaking. It was the biggest insult I had suffered till now. Am I so hopeless?
Date: 26-Jan
HE:
Today, there was public holiday so I got lot of time to think and analyze the situation. What was my fault? I haven’t done anything wrong. I didn’t ever talk to her, I never tried to flirt, I never gossiped about her except for my close friends. I am even sure that none of my co-travelers in the bus know that I like her. Whenever I stare at her I take necessary precaution as not to be too obvious. I don’t want to embarrass her in any way. When I am trying my best for this, then why did she have such cruel expressions on the face?
I think either she knows now that I like her and stare at her and she doesn’t want to encourage me or simply, she just hates me for no reason, just like many of my classmates who hate me for no reason.
I don’t know what to do now, but either ways I think she just doesn’t want me to be anywhere around her. She just hates me, just one more failure. Does it hurt? Yes it does, but I am very much used to it. I’ll try my best not to look at her. I don’t want to do anything that she doesn’t like. I will try to forget her as if she was just one more dream in my life which simply didn’t come true. Probably, I don’t deserve to be with her. This is fate after all. I will have to obey it.
Date: 26-Jan
SHE:
Today was a holiday. So I couldn’t see him, although I wanted to. I actually wanted to apologize for whatever happened yesterday. I got into the bus and searched for the seat. He was sitting alone on the seat for 3, it was a good chance for me to sit with him and have a word or two. I was just thrilled. I was about to sit on the same seat when Kruti said something. I didn’t hear it properly so I turned to her. She said,”See, Aravind is there, he has reserved seats for us.” I just hate that Aravind, he is always ready to flirt provided the other person is a girl. Whenever I see him, somehow I try my best to be as away from him as I can, I even show hatred to him directly on my face but this guy simply ignores this. I don’t know why Kruti likes him so much.
So the point is I went to the seat that Aravind had reserved specially for us. I felt really bad for Shri, but if I would have denied Aravind’s offer and would have sat on Shri’s seat; it would have just been too obvious. He must have felt embarrassed. Poor guy.
SOME DIARY PAGES – 5
Date: 27-Jan
SHE:
Today he seemed to have lost in thoughts. When he got into the bus, surprisingly he didn’t search for me. He even didn’t look up. He just went straight to the last seat and started reading a novel. I tried looking at him once or twice but he didn’t lift his head at all. I think he is hurt, I am feeling sorry, but what can I do? When we got down at the office gate, I purposefully lingered a bit more at the gates to give back him a smile, but I couldn’t spot him in the crowd. Shri, I am sorry, please be normal again.
Date: 27-Feb
HE:
I was working in the night shift for the whole month so had to travel by cab rather than bus. I used to work from 4.00 p.m. to 2.30 a.m. so naturally I had lost contact with almost all people working in dayshift except for my teammates who would surrender the charge to me while leaving for the day. For the whole month I didn’t travel by bus. Obviously didn’t see her. She works in the adjacent building only, but I don’t know where her cubicle is located exactly and anyways even if I would be knowing that, I don’t think I have that much guts to approach her.
For almost a month I didn’t see her, but I didn’t feel any desperation to see her. I was unbelievably aloof in this case. Was it the effect of that evening incidence?
SOME DIARY PAGES – 6
Date: 28-Feb
HE:
Today, the office had planned to screen a movie in the campus. I had seen it but thought of enjoying it with friends in the open air. I took the permission for an hour from my boss and went for that. The dialogues were not much audible on the lawns, but it was fun to watch the movie in an open air theatre like that. I was to leave the place to return to my cubicle and turned around when I saw her standing there just around 10 feet away from me.
I don’t know why but my heart started speeding a lot higher than even Schumi’s Ferrari. She just smiled at someone in the crowd at my back, tried her best not to look directly to me and just left the place. I stood there for a minute or two just wondering what had happened.
Why did she smile? Did she feel good that I am still in the same company only or she didn’t even take notice of my presence and really smiled at someone in the crowd at my back? But we were so close that it was practically impossible for her to just ignore me.
SHE:
I saw him today, at the movie screening. Thank god he is still working with this company only. I thought of smiling at him and greeting him. I was so happy to see him, I wanted to ask him where he was for so many days, whether he was not well, had he changed his house or was he using bike for the transport, but again I didn’t ask a single question. I stayed calm. I didn’t want to embarrass him again.
I don’t know what I feel about him, but somehow whenever I see him, I do feel better. I hope he starts traveling by bus again. Every day we can see each other in the morning and wish each other a very good morning without any words or smile but just with a plain look
SOME DIARY PAGES – 7
Date: 5-march
HE:
I resumed my normal duty today. It was good to see all those familiar faces once again after so many days. Of course my eyes were searching only one face out of that but still.
Just like my normal schedule, I got into the bus. She was sitting there with the same plain look on her face, nowhere even a single line of recognition, but when she saw me, her face reflected a small smile. It couldn’t escape my notice. Was she happy to see me back in the bus? I don’t know about her, but I was definitely happy to see her.
SHE:
I was so happy, I tried my best to conceal my happiness but I felt like getting up from my seat and just sit beside him and talk, talk and just talk to him. Hey what’s this? What’s happening to me? I never felt like this for anyone. Is this just sympathy for that evening thing or is this love? No chance of it. I don’t believe in this love at first sight or so. We don’t know each other, we don’t know anything about each other, and how can this be love? Probably just infatuation… whatever it may be… I love this feeling very much
SOME DIARY PAGES – 8
DATE: 7-March
HE:
Today can be called as the luckiest day of my life. I talked to her face to face for the first time. Rajesh, my friend had some work in Nigdi today and was traveling by our bus and surprisingly he knew her well. They were college mates during the degree. He introduced us formally. I was so happy, that I just forgot that sometime back she just avoided sitting beside me. Everything in my brain, all my nervousness, and hatred for her as well as for my loser …all was just washed up.
Now I can talk to her, I hope I can turn this chance to success. Oh god thanks a lot… Rajesh was just like an angel sent by you.
SHE:
Thanks a lottt god…. I am so happy. Even he was. I could easily make that out from his face. It was just so bright. He still has feelings for me. Thank god, I thought after that day I kinda lost him, but no. Now we can talk to each other officially. No problem of who is first … we are friends now. God you are great.
Rajesh:
Today I had some work in Nigdi so had to travel by office bus. I thought better to go with Shri just for the sake of good company but it didn’t seem to be necessary when I saw my best friend from our degree college traveling by the same bus. It was a really pleasant surprise to see her after a couple of years or so. I think my transfer to Pune will result in some good thing. She has become more beautiful than she was in our college days. Damn.. Why the hell did I neglect her in college when she had crush on me… I hope she is still single, not even committed or so. I would like simple girl like to get settled in life. Now I am well settled in job, should go forward with love matter also.
When I introduced Shri to her today, somehow her face lit up as if she was eager to have a word or two with him since many days. Shri’s condition was no different. Do they have something between them? I hope there is nothing of such sort. Oh God, thanks a lot that you made me meet her, I hope you help me once again to make her mine. Please just keep Shri out of this.
GOD:
If you get only happiness then you don’t feel its value, do you? That’s why everything is planned in such a way that whenever you get happy you should understand its true value. I haven’t done anything special here. It’s all just happening as predefined.

SOME DIARY PAGES – 9
Date: 10-March
HE:
Since Rajesh has introduced us to each other, the days have been very good for us. I mean I didn’t talk to her or so, but at least we exchange smile regularly. Let’s see whether I can sit beside her sometime and have a word or two.
Date:12-March
HE:
I sat beside her today in the bus while returning from office. We were chatting a lot, on no specific topics as such, but I really enjoyed her company. She is really a cute, simple and sweet girl. She said she will be reserving a seat for me in the morning bus. Let’s see whether she really keeps her promise…
Date:16-March
HE:
Since last few days, she had been reserving a seat for me in the morning as well as in the evening bus. We both seem to enjoy each other’s company very well. I decided to take a step forward today. I asked her for a cup of coffee in the afternoon. I was a bit depressed about what she might reply but surprisingly, she said yes without thinking even for a moment as if she was actually waiting for such a move from my side. We decided to meet at 4 near the café inside the campus.
She didn’t turn up. I don’t have her cell number so I even couldn’t call her and ask why she did so. It was so embarrassing for me to wait there just alone. Did she do it purposefully? Why? I could make out no sensible reason.
If she would be having a meeting or some office work, she should have informed me. She didn’t call me. My extension or even cell number was available with the telephone directory. Did she do it for the only reason that she wanted to show that she doesn’t care for me and prove her importance?
SHE:
Today that happened real disaster. The servers were down and I was so busy in recovering them, debugging the code that I almost forgot I had my first ‘date’ with Shri. I suddenly remembered it just before going to a meeting at 2 and I was sure that I can easily finish off with the meeting by 4 and meet Shri, but no. The destiny had some other plans. I had to be in meeting till 5. I even couldn’t phone Shri and inform him that I am not coming. By the time I was free from that chaos, it was already 6. He must have left for the day. He was going to Mumbai today, so he must have left early.
What can I do? I wanted to meet him and apologize face to face. Mail or phone won’t do. I hope we meet on Monday. I’ll explain him everything. He is a nice guy. He will understand me properly. I am hoping so, obviously I don’t have any other option at least till Monday.
SOME DIARY PAGES – 10
Date:19-March
HE:
I left for the day early today at 6. I had traveled from Mumbai in the morning and so needed rest or was it just to avoid her since she travels by 8 o’clock bus? I don’t know the reason but I felt like just avoiding her.
SHE:
Where is he? He must have come from Mumbai in the morning and joined directly, that’s why he wasn’t in the morning bus, but why not in the usual evening bus at 8? Probably he was tired. Let’s hope he meets me tomorrow morning. He will listen to me and this time I will invite him for a coffee or so.
Date: 21-March
HE:
Yesterday, she explained me the whole thing. How stupid of me? I was thinking really absurd things about her. She is such a cute girl; it was not her mistake that she had to attend the meeting. I was kind of ok when she gave me the explanation. The conversation after that just went normal as it used to be earlier. Whatever that might be but I am not going to ask her out anymore.
Date: 22-March
HE:
What the hell… what does she think of herself? Today she invited me for a coffee at 4. I went there on time. I didn’t want to miss it but again she didn’t turn up. Why? Is she just stressing how important she is and how unimportant I am for her? I felt like calling her there only and just ask the reason why is she playing games with me like this. I decided to ask this for full and final what the matter was, but she didn’t turn up even for 8 o’clock bus.
Date:27-March
HE:
I couldn’t see her for last 5 days. Did she come to office? Isn’t she feeling well? I hope she is alright. Oh God, please protect her.
Date: 10-April
Rajesh:
Her father was seriously ill. As a family friend, I helped a lot. She couldn’t go to office for a fortnight or so, but I helped her in conveying the matter to her seniors. I think this last week helped me a lot as in building a rapport with her and her parents. Fate has given me a good chance to get closer to her, I think I can progress here.
Date:25-April
SHE:
Today I met Shri finally after so many days. I thought he might be still angry about the coffee thing, but to my surprise, he was a bit tensed as to why I was not coming to the office. I explained him that daddy was seriously ill. He enquired about dad’s health and then simply changed the subject to turn my attention to somewhere else. He was just trying to take me out of the tension about dad’s health. He is such a mature guy, I knew he would understand.
Date: 20-May
SHE:
Shri and I have been going out for a long time now. I have started loving him. I think even he is serious about this relationship but he is younger than me and I don’t think he is ready for any commitment at this stage of his life, but mumma and dad are pursuing me for marriage; what should I do? Should I ask him?
Date: 22-May
SHE:
Shri told me today that he is leaving the company. He has got an admission to MBA in a College in Mumbai. It’s really difficult to be away from him at least for 2 years. Should I ask him for a relationship? Will he be ready for that or he just wants to wait till the completion of his MBA? But I can’t wait that much. I think I’ll better ask him straight about the commitment let’s see what he says.
Date: 23-May
Rajesh:
Today I proposed to her. She didn’t show any expressions as such on face and asked for some time to think about it, but I know she must have be just too happy for she had crush on me in our college life. I think she will say ‘yes’. Just that I need to confirm, that Shri doesn’t come in between. Everything should go smooth otherwise. Even her and my parents would not have any problem in fact they would be happy if she and I get into the most beautiful relationship.
HE:
Today she called me up and asked to meet for a coffee at our usual place, but later suddenly she called up to cancel the meeting. I don’t know why. She sounded stressed a bit on phone so I concluded it to be the result of work pressure. But when I saw her in the evening in the bus today, she was in a bit off-mood. I don’t know why. She then just held my hand. I think she wanted to say something but she was not able to. I couldn’t even understand what she wanted to say but I kept mum. When my stop came nearer, she released my hand. I asked her whether she was alright. She didn’t reply anything else than ‘yes, just fine’.
I tried calling her in the night after dinner, but she didn’t pick up. I think she must be stressed because of the work and must have slept early. I hope nothing is wrong. Oh god, please take care of her.
SHE:
Today was the most dreadful day for me. Rajesh proposed to me. My mood was off. I loved him in college but he didn’t seem to pay any attention to me. At times he literally avoided me. Later somehow I just managed to overcome that feeling. I loved him, but he didn’t. There are no conditions in love after all. I tried my best to forget feelings about him, at least suppress them. He never seemed to like me. Then why now? Has his feelings really changed? Or he is just playing games with me?
I was going to propose Shri today. It would have been the most crucial moment of my life and this guy, Rajesh just turned off my mood. I was literally shocked to hear from him. Not that I don’t like him but now that a couple of years have passed when we had no contact and even Shri is there in my life. Much water has flown down the bridge. I don’t know whether I still love him, and I also don’t know whether Shri is ready to have a commitment as such with me. I am just confused. Oh god, please help me. Show me some way. Why didn’t you device any automatic system to solve such problems?
GOD:
Automatic system? Wow!!! All these software engineers think alike. They think just the computerization of every system solves most of the related problems. But real life is not so simple. The real life is much more complex thing to handle. In arithmetic you have 1+1 =2; but in real life you may have 1+1 as anything but 2. That’s life.
About the automatic system to solve the real life problems, I have given you humans one such machine. Some call it heart, some mind or some just brain. I gave you the ability to think. You can take decisions based on your prior experience, your conscience and you can very easily use it to make decisions and I am sure even she will find out a way in this ambivalence because even if she does not trust my creations, I do.
Date: 24-May
SHE:
Yesterday after so many days I cried. I cried a lot. I was completely lost in dilemma. I was not able to think properly. What should I do? I loved Rajesh a couple of years ago but he didn’t, at that time. Now he loves me but I love Shri. Rajesh wants to settle down in life and he wants me to be with him. Shri has not planned something of that sort, he is just going to complete his MBA first and then will think of getting settled. Rajesh, he is of my age, very much mature; whereas Shri is younger, a bit of immature but that suits his age. Rajesh, my family knows him very well and will be ready perhaps eager to include him in as my husband; whereas Shri, I haven’t told anything about him to mom or dad yet.
But I love Shri a lot, probably more than I used to love Rajesh in college days. How should I make a decision? Based on feeling for love or based on my future, the practical aspects for my life? Where should I go? Oh god, please help me. I need you immensely. Please please, help me make the decision.
Date: 30-May
HE:
Last few days just flew past like a stormy wind. All those processes I had to undergo in order to leave the company, just because I wanted to pursue better career in MBA rather than staying here and stagnating. A few more days and I am off to achieve my dreams.
Just the problem is, I don’t want to leave her, my love, my secretary. I really love her. Since when my infatuation turned into love was unknown even to me. I don’t want to leave her but I can’t even stay here. Even I am doing MBA in Mumbai not even here in Pune. Will she wait for me for at least 2-3 years which I will need to complete MBA and get settled?
I have said goodbye to everyone, it was not that difficult; but it’s definitely not the same with her. I don’t know whether I will be able to say her goodbye and how I am going to do that.
SHE:
I have made my decision. I don’t know how to convey it but I will have to do it. One of the two hearts is going to get broken but there is no any other way. I have made my decision and I’ll stick to it. Oh god, please give me strength to convey the decision and then bear everything that follows...
Date: 19-June
SHE:
Today was Shri’s birthday and also his last day in Pune as well as in this company. He left in the evening for Mumbai. It was really a heartbreaking moment to see him parting, especially when both of us were completely aware that we might not see each other in future. I had made the decision; the only problem was how to convey it to him. I chose to be practical than just blind in love. People give you cool gifts on your birthday but what I gave him was just a shock, a damn big shock. He didn’t say anything except for ‘congrats’ and ‘good luck’ but his face told me everything he wanted to convey. I cried there standing in the whole crowd of his friends who had gathered to wish him luck and goodbye. He couldn’t cry out but if possible, he could just have wept then and there.
I said him sorry that I chose Rajesh over him. What he replied was surprising. He just replied, ‘No need to say sorry. It’s your life, you have complete right to make a decision and you are mature enough to do so and you have made a wise decision. We were friends and will be, but please don’t expect me to keep a contact with you. I loved you and I really loved you from the bottom of my heart. Now whenever I will think of you I will not have anything else than love in my mind and I think same might be the case with you; and that won’t be right especially when u will be a married woman; married to someone else. So this is our last meet. Thanks for the friendship and the feeling of love that you gave me. Best luck for your future life.’ And he just went inside the bus.
Was he so aloof or he just tried to sound so as not to make me feel worse about our parting? I think for all those days that I spent with Shri, I still couldn’t understand him properly. Anyways Shri, what the truth is that I loved you. I loved you like anything but the decision I made was based on practical aspects of life. My decision will prove to be better for both of us and I am damn sure of it. I had started writing diary since when I had seen you for the first time, now since you are not there in my life, I am going to discontinue this practice. This is the last page of my diary. Best luck Shri, for your future. Love you. Bbye.
HE:
This was the worst birthday of my life when I broke up with my love. It can’t be termed as a breakup as such but we parted; we parted forever with a promise not to cross the other’s life anytime in future. I felt like crying; but boys don’t cry, do they? Yes they cry, but secretly….and that’s why I am crying now. The whole page is wet because of my tears. Anyways this is the last page. I have decided not to write this diary anymore. This diary had come into my life with secretary, and since secretary is no more with me, what’s the purpose of this diary? Secretary, just wanted to say best luck for your future. I Love you. Bye.
SOME DIARY PAGES – 14... Concluding Part
Rajesh:
Finally, today is that lucky day for me. She said yes. I am so happy. She is mine. Finally my dream has come true. Oh God thanks a lot. You have made my day, in fact my life. Very few people get to live with someone they love; I am one of those lucky ones. My happiness has no bounds. I am very very happy today.
Shri left the company today, I don’t know whether we will be able to meet each other in future. I had gone to say good bye and wish good luck to him. He was talking to her. When I saw her face, I again felt some pain in my heart. Are they both having something? If so, why did she say Yes to me? Are they trying to cover-up something? Or is she playing games with me? Or am I coming as an odd between the two? I could see tears in Shri’s eyes when he left her and got into the bus. Her condition was no different, in fact she literally cried. She seemed to recover after a couple of minutes but the way she was looking somewhere into the vacuum, her face clearly was clearly telling her diligent attempts to control tears. Oh god, please show me the way. I hope I didn’t do anything wrong by proposing her.
The way they both were talking to each other didn’t show any sign of quarrel or fight between them. Then why they separated? Or they shared some feeling for each other and none of them just bothered to express it? Whatever the situation might be, she has said ‘yes’ to me; must be for some reason, whatever ; she is mine now. Shri is her past and she will forget him; in fact she will have to. Whatever the case may be, I love her and that’s it.
GOD:
Okay. Here is the end of this story, not a unique; in fact a very very common one. You might be expecting me to interfere in it at the eleventh hour and change the ending so that either; before the bus starts, She runs to the bus and gets into it and goes with Shri to Mumbai or probably when the bus is about to leave, Shri jumps out and hugs her or Rajesh feels something wrong and just takes her on bike and follows the bus just to stop it and make her get into the bus for Shri and so on? Nopes. This is not a Tamil film. This is a real life story and not a reel life one.
She took the decision wisely after evaluating each option she had. She had thought practically in every aspect. Won’t interference by me be just injustice to her thoughts? Won’t it be a betrayal to her trust that the option she chose is the best one? Won’t it be just a wrong deed on my side and that too just to please some others without any particularly sensible reason?
As I said, I have made this world with some predefined rules. The balance of this world totally depends on the events that are happening every now and then. No event is of more or less important than the other. Every moment, situation, event has some sort of purpose and so stands of equal importance. The purpose might not be directly related to you but it can also affect you indirectly. As said before, I had already decided not to intervene and I stuck to my word. Now you will say that it’s me only who decides everything ultimately. Yes. Indeed true but that’s what my point is. I decided her fate to be with Rajesh, that’s it. I hope you understand; in fact I am sure you will … again that’s what your fate says….

How am I feeling today ?

Probably the last winter was the longest of all of them that i have witnessed in my whole life time. Generally winters have always been shorter for me because from childhood its been a tradition to prepare for exams during the winter. And during exams even long winters appeared to be too short just because we didnt have enough time to prepare for the exams. But this time it was something different. The winter had no such urgency to pass by. No exam fevers and no urgency. No deadlines and no work. Life had come to a stand still with loads of uncertainity with it.

For me getting back to blogging was a dream. its after this long winter hibernation that I am back to write down with blank mind. Its after those beautiful days at Kolkata that I am eagerly willing to write down with all my feelings on the blogspot platform. Whatever posts have come recently, have always come with a preoccupied thought or an intention to write on a particular thought.

Anyways lets start it now.

Lot of water has gone under the bridge in these few months. Transition from Kolkata life to Pune life was the most toughest job on my part. Somehow I am still in the process of trasition and would probably fail to completely do so. Efforts have always gone to take a release right from the beginning. But it has not yet materialised. Recently rays of hope appeared like a mirage and supposedly I am still under the same mirage effect expecting a release. Waiting for it desparately to fly back like a free bird. Feels like a lost bird searching for his homeland. It would definitely be a battle won when I get the release.

But somehow at work I have learnt a lot of things. Not technical stuff (though I can't deny that also) but the primary thing that I learnt here at work is Professionalism in IT Industry. The things that I learnt are -

1. How to write a short mail or even make it shortest.

2. Whom to mail and when.

3. How to play with To and Cc option.(Most important thing to have learnt that every professional must know how to handle and i suppose i have mastered this skill)

4. Never to use Bcc in office.

5. How to take con calls

6. What to speak and what not to speak on a call (though i am still in a learning phase for this case)

7. How to sip coffee during con calls.

8. How to handle issues. (not technical ones though)

9. How to keep smiling all the time and keep the anger under control.

10. How to reply to personal mails and keep chatting through mails even when u r dead busy.

11. Skill to use reply to all option in personal mails also.

12. How to bunk office as well.(greatest skill set aquired while on bench)

Look there are a dozen of things that i have learnt. Wanna learn what professional life is and how to handle it come to Pune. City of professionalism.

Spending the whole day inside my room and skipping prepared hot lunch may sound too strange. But yes, I didnt feel like. Reason not very sure. Well it was for the first time at Pune that I was there at home during the afternoon time on a holiday. At Kolkata we generally took not-so-deliciously-prepared-lunch-of-masi together on holidays at home. But today I wanted to be a share holder of that lunch once again. The worst part is when i start comparing everything with kolkata and then i am the worst. Not realising life can never be the same again.

Suffering from fever and mild cold, I preferred to stay indoor and take rest. Though I had no plans to do what I did the whole day, but definitely it helped me a lot. Did quite a lot of orkutting, logged into Yahoo Messenger and Gmail at a time and that too had a few chats. The feeling of getting back to old netting days came and went before I could restore it for long. Bit of self introspection and reliving the past memories. Albums, slambooks and few old songs that used to play every now and then on my media player were all removed out of dust. Giving life to few of relationships which also had gone into hibernation. Talks with Partha, Jyoti and Nammo for the time being could make me feel at home. Those college going guy's feeling and of course the unprofessional talks made the day.

Henceforth will try to keep track of few of the things -

1. Revive contacts with few lost friends like Himanshu, Pallavi and Swati being the first on the list.

2. Getting back to net life.( not the intranet life at office though)

3. Revive my own blogging spirit.

4. Keep up with my passion with radio which I had developed at Kolkata...luckily 92.7 here at Pune is now available and also up to the mark with respect to the other useless stations.

At the end of it all, feeling like a small balloon try to rise against the heavy load of the work pressure. Being connected with the passion and life that has always been a part of you is something very satisfying and heart warming.

Expecting the coming month to be a exciting one for quite a few reasons. Firstly Manish would be shifting to my flat for a month. Definitely that would be fun and may be my desire to go back to Kolkata would keep making me more desparate and broken with each effort going into waters while expecting a release. Secondly, the Malaysia trip for which I had been working hard since October which has finally materialized. A week of excitement and learning as well. Hoping to see some expectations getting fulfilled in that sense as well.

Few expectations which have never materialized till now would definitely keep haunting me though. Expectations from people without whom my life seems to be incomplete. There are few who are part of life and there are few without whom life can never be complete. Struggling to identify them and when it comes to expectations, I would prefer taking another day to come on that. May be I would be back tomorrow itself in my urge to being connected to my passion of writing.