Calm of the Quiet

It's already 2.30am in India. Well past midnight! Being a Christmas night over there, I had small talks with quite some family members and friends over messages at midnight. Well Stop! That isn't called talking, but we do in this new age. Come on, you keep talking all day on whatsapp, facebook messenger, etc. though you hardly even get to hear you own voice until someone knocks on the door. Though I am not in India right now, I can still feel being there, right over next to my friends. I am not talking to any of my friends right now. Sitting in the quietness of the room that I am in, I can see the cars zooming past the huge glass window frame on the highway right across the hotel. Its broad day light though overcast. Its 3pm out here with mercury expected to dip below 0. But hey, it still feels like a long night for me. It is exactly like night as it is over there in India right now.

But there is some strange calm over here inside me. Introspection isn't the right word though. But I feel as if I haven't spoken to myself since long. May be since an Age. Aah... "Age" - reminds me of someone's sarcasm of how old am I since it's always "since Ages" for me ;) True, it does feel like an Age though, and it really is. An Age of lifetime that no one can get back! Wish I could get back to that Age! That's simple to understand. Isn't it :P I don't know though! But you're just an inseparable part of me, you already know that if you're reading this. :)

Coming back - Calm! Quiet! Silence! Feels like heaven. I don't hear the sound of the vehicles on the highway thanks to the thick glasses of the room. It's just amazing how I can just see so many things but can't even hear any of it except for the refrigerator and the air conditioner which seem to whine at regular intervals. But I almost seem to ignore that as well. It's like I am numb. Guess, that's what the state of tranquility is all about. Random thoughts too seem to disappear and I am just.. don't know!! Really, what it is, of no worry to me any more. I am numb perhaps. The room isn't cold like the outside, but perhaps I can feel the cold, the freezing of moments and the freezing of things around. Do I now feel the vehicles have slowed down and may be in minutes they would be at stand still! :D Am I Drunk? :P :D LOL!! NO! I am not :) I am loving it! I am just high with myself! :)                

Lost and Alone

I m Lost....lost in what;which i even dont know.

I dont know why i dont feel like doing those things which i loved the most....music is no more playing in my player, riding my scooty is no more a great pleasure, sharing thoughts with my best friend was never tuff before as now.Living in an illusion n a shell n feeling like the smaller it is the better it is.But whats the illusion even i dont know.Running from the fact dat i m a failure perhaps.Where is dat positive skills n mind set now?Is it that i lack perseverance.Never loved silence.But thats what is making me feel better.

It was never one of my characteristics.May b this is what is called maturity.I know this isnt the case.But if at all this means maturity den i beg not to attain this.I was better what i was before.I have lost my words.I have changed.I know this was nt expected so soon but may b was necessary.

I m lonely though people are around me all d time.Feeling this in my guts as if i have nothing left in me.I know this hardly matters to anyone but still feeling to write it out here.

Dont know wht is it but wanna to be all alone
Alone under the dark sky,
as dark as the world to me now.

Alone with my soul in the eternal bliss
Bliss with the feeling of being an Unit
Not even the presence of my own self,
giving rise to a redundancy of that Ultimate Bliss!

Alone for all years to come
alone for i have chosen
Chosen to be Alone.

Alone to be only with my tears
Tears that were born only for me
not knowing why i need to be alone

But its the desire burning in me
to be alone so that the silence prevails
Silence that is only...
Only meant to be alone!