Finally.. No Facebook!

I have finally managed to delete (rather deactivate I must say, they don't allow to delete it forever) my Facebook account. It took me some strong willpower and lot of self control to do so. It has been two days now and I finally don't feel the urge to go back. I would better be in my own world than on a virtual world that everyone is on. That would give me peace and helps me connect to myself.

I have nothing against facebook or for that matter any social networking site but I feel, of late too much of social networking has somehow made all of us more concerned with what's happening in other's life than concentrating on our own self. Ask yourself honestly just one question - "when was the last time I spent quality time with myself?"

You would probably not have an answer to that. Isn't it of higher priority to connect with yourself than connecting with people around the globe? Isn't it important to spend time to do what you love doing than monitoring the wall of your facebook profile? Isn't it important to give time to your near and dear ones in person than following them in a virtual world? I believe, if television has been an idiot box and has been eating up people's precious time in the past then it is facebook currently which has been making all of us addicted to.

When I say doing something which you love doing it could be anything - reading your favourite author, favourite genre of books, writing, going on trips to visit places which you always intended to (it requires a lot of planning and time to set out on a vacation), going on bicycle rides on sunday, getting associated with local clubs and groups you always wanted to be a part of, visiting your near and dear ones, learning music, learning a new musical instrument, learning new recepies, playing your favourite sport, and so on and on which always made you excited about.

It is definitely good to be in touch with your old friends, far off family members and connect with long lost friends from the past but it doesn't justify putting our previous time into stuff which have zero value. 

When it comes to evaluating value addition to ones life as part of spending time on facebook let me just zero in with some small examples. What value does one get when he/she reads some gags which have nothing to do with you personally? what value does sharing a good piece of quote add to your knowledge system? What value does it add to your life when it comes to counting likes on your profile picture or album of a trip that you had been on vacation? I would say, you liked being clicked, you went on a good holiday, you had fun and you spent an awesome time having dinner with a friend from school actually added value to your life. But I would never agree when one goes to facebook and posts photos, status messages and expects people to be enlightened by you having fun. Neither does it add value to you nor to someone who reads or views your post. Its good to be liked, to be popular and to be appreciated but being all day, all night on facebook is like roaming on the streets with some people all along day in day out without any final destination. This is like some street guys who never have an objective in their life and hence never land where they ever wanted to be. But in the process, people who wanted to sell you their product, their items will come by and achieve what they wanted to. It is preferred to go and get what you want than being sold what you never wanted.

I too had been addicted to facebook but I am glad I could finally come out of it and it really feels great to be back to what I love doing. Hope I can keep up with my passion of writing and take a step ahead that I have decided for myself. I also hope others too can at least take out time for themselves and do what they love doing. I wouldn't say quitting facebook is the solution, one can still find time being on facebook, but it helps a lot when you're not on it :) 

Signing off for the day!

Abhi

I believe I can fly

I believe I can fly by R. Kelly is one of the best songs that I've ever heard to. The lyrics is just awesome and can give life to a dead who would have had dreams to fulfill. I had heard to the song for the first time during my Malaysia 2008 visit and this song had given me goosebumps, just amazing.

For the first time I had heard the female version of it and finally after such a long time I could find the exact version of it. It is sung by Yolanda Adams and music by Kenny G. I feel this version is better than the original one. The video is just awesome with some marvelous photos through the slide.

Lyrics

I used to think that I could not go on
That life was nothing but an awful song
But now I know the meaning of true love
By leaning on the ever lasting arms

Bridge:
If I can see it
Then I can do it
If I just believe it
There's nothing to it

Chorus:
I believe I can fly
I believe I can touch the sky
I think about it every night and day
spread my wings and fly away
I believe I can soar
I see me running through that open door
I believe I can fly(x3)

Yolanda Adams
See I was on the verge of breaking down
Sometimes the silence can seem so loud
There are miracles in life I must achieve
But first it's got to start inside of me

(Bridge)

(Chorus)

Cuz I believe in me, yea,ohhhhhhhhhh

Yolanda Adams:
If I can see it

Be Be Winans:
Then I can do it

Yolanda Adams:
If I just believe it

Be Be Winans:
There's nothing to it, oh

(Chorus)

I believe I can fly(I can fly)x3
I can do anything yea,yea,yea.yea
I can flyx3
I can do anything, yea,yea,yea

Anything I wanna do(Anything I wanna do)x3
I can do anything
I can fly

Mind - Rambling Around

I have been going through lot many thoughts these days. Just didn't the outlet till now. Thank god. Few proxies too work at office :)

Before I get started, I would like to give the news up front. Finally I accepted a project at Pune. Sometimes we need to adjust to circumstances and let life play. Have been really busy these days and this is the time which makes me think. Thoughts keep crossing without giving you a chance to even think about that thought.

Recently when I was with my room mates discussing everything on the top of the world I got a suggestion from one of my very good friends, Rahul, to write a book. I mean I know I can write a book. He could convince me that I can get along and think seriously to write a book. I too want to write a book but had never analyzed anything on what kind of book it must be. But yeah, after the suggestion that night I could not stop thinking about the subject. I got it and even I have planned for it. The way it would start and the whole story is before me. But I don’t know seriously when I can begin it. May be I can start after this year. But definitely that discussion with Rahul and Vivek has opened the flood gates for me to think for my dreams. A publishing house of my own is a dream. But how far I achieve this is a big question mark.

My leaves have been cancelled for the Puja vacation and I would only be taking a leave after 15th, Jan 2009. That’s sad but currently I am focused on my job and may be this is the field which I have ignored the most. But slowly but steadily am getting everything into the groove. Things are settling down and I have started enjoying what I am doing. That’s the most important thing which I need.

Getting back on track feels great and in the process I’m least bothered about anything around me. Things are changing but I have taken this responsibility to make things the way I want it to be and leave the rest what I don’t care about. Loving this time where I have found time for myself. Orkutting, checking mails and of course blogging have made life better and of course the new pressure cooker situation is making it feel good. Few movies in the last few weekends complete the quota of movies that I needed to complete. Few night shows and small hang outs at Adlabs make life better. The best ones being Jaane Tu…Ya Jaane Na, Bachna Ae Hasino, Mumbai Meri Jaan and Rock On. A trip to Mumbai two weeks back was more special with Chicku and her friends. Mumbai is no doubt a city of dreams – “Sapno ki Nagri”.

I have seen many Oriyas who stay outside Orissa and forget their own culture.Came across a good fine friend who proved me wrong. Having stayed outside the state since birth, it is expected that you won’t know anything about your motherland. But it was surprising to note that the person is grounded to the roots which made me feel great at office. Such people are examples for those who don’t give a damn to their culture when they leave their own land. Its not about an Oriya or Marathi but what I want to project is that we better know our own culture. Some people may not agree with this thought but I don’t feel sorry for what I say. Rather we can look at this thought from a broader sense. We as Indians don’t actually understand our own priceless history and culture but ask an NRI who has not visited India since 10 years. He would rather be more connected to his/her land. He must be asking his children to learn more about their country India but we as Indians fail to feel great about our own country. We have proved to be the best in all the fields and even we are improving in Olympics but we don’t care to take this forward. Few weeks back Abhinav Bindra wrote for The Times of India as a guest editor. His thought was really very crystal clear and he has proved to be worth his Gold Medal. I have been following his few interviews and other pieces of articles that come about him and his take on the field of sport needs to be considered if we want India to excel in Olympics. We need to grow as a country and be proud about ourselves.

Singur crisis has uncovered the truth about politicians who do anything for their own good. Tata industries have the reputation of being an organization who has given back to the society and to the country. The Nano Car being the best example. Even the employee satisfaction and the way they feel for their people need not be mentioned. But after all this that they have faced, I feel if these things continue it would be never in near future that we can see India as a super economy. For the petty politics and self benefit, our politicians would ruin the country and seeing India at the top would always remain as a dream. Its sad that the whole country is busy watching game shows, not at all funny comedy shows and the pathetic news channels. But in all this, the way Mukesh Ambani, The Birlas and The Godrejs have come up addressing the issue and shown their suppprt for The Tatas, no doubt our Corporate have been progressive and matured themselves to a great extent for the development of the country leaving aside their own rivalries and cut throat competitions. Definitely a good sign for the growth of the country.

Inspiration

I have been blogging since long. Didnt realise that it has almost been two years from now that i posted my first blog. Believe me its not easy to continue doing this unless there is some inspiration to do so. To start it was a big task for me.
How did it start then ?
Well, i had plans for getting into this world long before i posted my first blog out here. Had even created my own account. I remember, then blogger was a different identity altogether with nothing like google behind it. Somehow one day when i was just logging in i found that it has been taken up by google. Became easier for me to transform my account to gmail a/c and thus more easier for me to forget about blogging as life used to be on a different track with other priorities. Never did i realise why should i go for this world.I was curious to give it a try since i had heard a lot about it then.Life was orkut much more than anything else though on the later stages orkut still continued to play a good role in my life. But thanks to orkut that i got my inspiration(in person) who could explain to me my real priorities and the true potential that this world of blogging has. I agree that blogging practices are of different types. And my expectations initially was to address a huge audience with something really innovative and different. Somewhere i was waiting for something different to do. Make it really Big! And thus i kept on waiting and waiting than going for it.
But things changed so rapidly that i never realised that I was into my first blog after waiting for over a year. Thanks to the person who inspired me about blogging. It was she who actually had been blogging since long. After going through her blogs i realised that i didnt need a big theme to go for it. it can be kept simply simple. Interacting with her about everything in life gave me a complete different idea about how i looked at things. Though my writing skills can never match her type but what i realised was that i need not be a big writer or a scholar to start it. What i needed was to be truthful to myself in carrying it further. Many small things inspired me from her blog which i had never realised ever in my life. Every aspect of her writing was different from the other.
Thats how i started my journey which i was not sure of where was i heading to. how was it going to help me. Only thing that i had, was to write my heart out. lots of encouragement and support with every post from her actually kept on pushing me. As the journey had stated it was just a process which i needed to continue. I had started loving what i was doing and slowly i realised that it was what i had been looking for. Posting frequently became a habbit as she would keep waiting for my next post. This always gave a reason to go ahead. Things started to roll on and on. In the process, i got to know a different person. It was none other than me! And thanks to her for making me realise what i was.It was her endeavour in giving me very truthful feedback which helped me get better and better. She had always been a perfect critic of my posts.
For over a period of six months i kept on rolling the ball which i loved to play with. And during that she hadn't stopped writing either. Her blogs and few more blogs suggested by her helped me know what it exactly meant to write it on the blog rather than a diary. I know what i write generally does not have much of interest to people who are not connected to me. But it hardly matters. I don't write it out here for someone to read. I write it for the reason that i wanna write it. Just putting my perception to everything that goes around me. Tellig you all this has definitely has a reason. Reason to thank the person who helped me come so far. Giving all the credits to my source of inspiration. Hadn't she come into my life i would have never ever started this beautiful journey. Hadn't she figured out me and understood me as a person i would not have been writing this today. Its all credit to her that I stand here. She came into my life as if it was only for this purpose.To make me start this journey and continue it futher. Today as i sit down to think about all that occurred, she isn't there in touch with me for more than one and half year now. She has even stopped blogging. I can't accept that she has left writing. Reasons for these changes are unknown and i have no scope to find it out either. But i am not convinced that she has left writing. She could never do so. Just like air that we breath, writing was life for her. She could live without air but without writing i suppose it would raise quite a few eyebros who knew her deep down.
For her there may be many reasons for not coming into the public with her writings. But for me i can't even find a single reason for which she has not kept it going. With all my curiousity i still wait for her blog to get updated someday. I hope she still goes through my blogs and finds this today. Its impossible that she wouldn't be going through this because i know how she used to read my posts as soon as they got posted. Sometimes this really bothers me. Restlessness creeps in with many different fears raising their heads like demons within me. Fears which i can't explain. But there has to be something wrong with her.
Even after contacting her after such long period i couldn't make out the reason. Just like a mystery it has denied to unfold itself. Unfold the real truth which i am unaware of. Awaiting time to give me a chance someday to know the reality. But supposedly those of my fears shouldn't come out true. Praying God for everything to be fine.
Finally, I would thank her once again for making me get into this journey. If you are reading this Neha, then I would appeal to you to get back to blogging. Come back to this world and if you don't intend to then at least let me know the truth. Now its not under my senses anymore. And please give a second thought to your decision. Do get back.
Don't have any other means to convey my thanks other than this. Hope you read it someday.

Oh! Calcutta

Seems like its been a decade that I have written !
Oh! What a feeling!
I come back and as always the world around me is sleeping and the wait is for a new sunrise and a new beginning into every sleeping eye. But, I have been scrolling through my memory lane with the best of my knowledge. Why then had i clicked each moment of my past ? I just realized what i always used to do was for today. Getting back to this platform to write again had never crossed my mind. I had always believed that I would resume writing only after I get back to Kolkata. Oh!! Did I say Kolkata and did you read the same?Of course yes!
Again and again my last few posts have always spoken of Kolkata, rather I would prefer to say Calcutta. Thus, many people have come up and asked me why Calcutta even when I am not originally from this place and I even don't have my home there and I have never lived there for more than even half of a year!! This really makes me think twice to answer them. Not because I don't want to but because I seriously don't know that Big 'WHY'. Poeple say I am crazy and I accept it for there is nothing wrong. Yes I am mad for this place and rather I should say obsessed with this place. But some how I too understand I have no specfic reason for all this obsession. But again, now I have realised the reason why I always want to get back to this place keeping everything at stake of my life.
Its the place itself, the people, the dhakki, the idols, the pujo, the rickshaw, the bright yellow taxis, the broken canals, the muddy roads of the rain( those who don't know me in and out would definitely be amazed to know how much I hate muddy roads with water logging of even the slightest kind), of course the water logged Kolkata rain, the food, the people again and lastly the first experience of this place which remains ever lasting due to some amazing 6 days in Oct 2006. Its a different story altogether. This post could have become the continuation of the saga of tales that I had in my blog in my early writing days. I had initially thought of this idea to complete the task left undone in 2006. But for the people who have never gone through the earlier posts would never relate to the events or even to the characters mentioned in the previous posts. So i prefer to keep that personal for some other occasion.
Getting back to what I intended to share, I would throw a bit of light on my whole perception of Kolkata.
Way back in July,2006 we were placed in our campus and were having the best times of our college days. Thanks to a gang of like minded monsters who knew how to screw it after the hard work that was put in to get placed in for the future career. All was set for the big stage to host the biggest journey called life-after-college. The motto of life prior to that event to take place was to ENJOY! Future for me was quite expected. Life had to begin at Kolkata in either CTS or TechM in July,2007(that was a big question mark for me until i realised I joined TechM finally :D). So as to achieve our motto and of course the intention to see the place which would in future be a hell for me took me to Calcutta. Courtesy one of my friends who invited three of us to visit Kolkata during Puja in October. For those who don't know what Puja is let me inform you that Puja is actually Pujo, the biggest festival celebrated in Kolkata for the victory of good over evil by Maa Durga. Without much of planning we reached Kolkata. Unexpectedly the trip was awesome and I got to see the best of Kolkata. And to tell you the truth, my friend's hospitality reflected in the whole of Kolkata. Pandal hopping, shopping, night outs and visits to the best of the best places in kolkata made me familiar to the city of Joy. Unexpectedly, I got a great picture of Kolkata which I would have never got had I directly visited Kolkata for joining. The trip ended along with the end of my prior perception of Kolkata being very unruly and hell of a place.
Came July,2007. Final destination Kolkata! Or should I again correct myself by saying Calcutta. Why do I always correct myself for this ? Well, for me Calcutta was the experience of my college time visit. And Kolkata was my joining location! But before joining, there had been another visit to Kolkata as well which ended up being another hell of an experience. I mean these visits always became one of the best parts of my life. Having had two great experiences with Calcutta, I always expected Kolkata(the place of joining location) to turn out to be Calcutta( the place of Lovely memories of the past). But, as always, we rarely come upto our own expectation level. Leave apart expecting a place to come upto its level. Started off with big blows and real bad time. But as my sub concious mind was already prepared for it since I had a wrong perception of this place. So, it didn't take me long to accept and I along with my roommates could come over it. Then i realised life can always throw an exception. But during this hard time at Kolkata, I suddenly felt the conversion of Kolkata to Calcutta for me. Just because I could see and learn a lot about life which also became the best part of my life as a memory. We had started staying in the same 1BHK flat where we had stayed for the visit to Calcutta in 2006. Things changed for me thereafter.
By the time I left Calcutta, it had already become just like heaven for me. Though I never got a chance to stay during Puja in 2007 or visit the places or the people who had become a strong part of my memory during my first visit in 2006, but they always remain to be at the safest part of my memory lane. Getting back to Kolkata never meant getting back to a place. For me its always getting back to Calcutta feeling, just like heaven. No doubt, I created some fabulous memories during my stay in 2007 as well. That also became another reason for me to speak of Calcutta. Never ever did I think in my wildest dreams that Kolkata would become one of my biggest obsessions in life. Its just that I don't want to feel guilty about my biggest regret of my life. I just don't want to live with the biggest regret of my life forever.
I want to get back, to rewrite some more pages, undo few mistakes and come off the regret.
Can I ever go Back Oh Calcutta!!

I Still blv dat relationships Decay

Few months back I had posted something on Decaying of relationships.After that post there had been many discussions with different people and somewhere deep within i had felt that my thoughts were contradicting my own beliefs.

But circumstances do make me feel once again that i was correct with my belief. I can still reiterate my words and say that yes relationships decay.

Lost faith on strangers !

Why do i trust strangers so early ? Why do i keep repeating my own mistakes ? Why dont i realise the truths of the world ? why do i expect so much from others and finally why do i bother for others when they hardly care or realize?????????

questions whose answers i don't need to know. I know what i am and what can be done...no one can change me or the way i think and in the process i have been hurt quite often just because i trust them so much. But everyone in this world was a stranger when we walked in to the world but we made relationships and it was trust and faith which has been the ingredients of all these. Right from having faith in the person whom we didn't know and then slowly calling her mom , we have trusted each and everyone who has come across us. Still I have not been the best in taking decisions regarding people. Well that's my weakness. I sometimes need to open my eyes before i move ahead with my trust. But again why do people play with it when they know that someone cares ?

It was never friendship and I thought that I lost a Friend !

----

Talked to Jimmy on AIR....had been really impressed with DIL SE and had been eager to talk to him. I just wanted to let him know that he has been doing a fabulous job. But I definitely wanted him to connect me to one of those persons whom I wanted to say sorry...but then it was too late (2.30am)and i didn't want that person to find another reason to be angry with me. But it was really good to talk to Jimmy and find a few good thoughts. The best thing that he said was "Be Yourself" and that has really boosted me up in being what I am.

Talking to him, I have somehow got this feeling of being an RJ. Its really interesting job. While talking to Jimmy I could feel the background sound and the environment. I just got this idea of trying hand at that too...but i need time to nurture this dream and who knows some day I land up doing what I always wanted to. All on destiny though....

------

Pune or not ???

Puzzle solved...I would definitely try to go to Pune...Make all the efforts to get transferred to Pune...had been thinking over this since long and finally today i felt that i should make this move. The place which i had been loving initially has suddenly made me quite uncomfortable. Few unwanted events and I find no enthusiasm in staying back. The most important reason that I have found the environment to be cool no more exists. There always exists some disturbance within. Not capable of coping with it I would choose to opt out of Kolkata. Venture into the new life at Pune. I hope I get my posting at Pune. But now, all depends on my PSG Head and I have my fingers crossed for the time to come.

Fingers crossed somehow mean something else to me. It means ....anyways will come to that in some other post.

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Plans are made to be changed. Had planned to go to B'lore in Puja vacation to meet all friends.Even plans of mumbai and Pune from there was all set...but these all vanished like a Monday blue...cant take leave since my training would not have been over by then...that's ridiculous...damn training...what wud happen to the plans ?

what about my friends ?

wen will i meet them ?

Been quite nostalgic off late...those pics which had been locked in the DVD were opened and parsed through to let the memories come in and make it rain....was quite happy though...coz i was going to B'lore to meet all of them. But then all crashed and now its all in the dust and no plans as of now....

Pathetic life...