Silence Kills, Speak Up
Being surrounded by friends, family, colleagues and strangers makes an impression that we are quite well off in life. Having everyone around and hanging around with friends at shopping malls and watching a movie does make us feel involved. We enjoy, chat, and have the moments which we cherish for lifetime.
There is no solution to loneliness but tenderness and soft feelings of words does make a difference.
Life is a mirage. Mirage of hot summer where survival is not at its best. Each moment the longing thirsty heart waits for the way out of it. Taking each step forward gets as tough as giving life to a dead. But still one keeps trying to make the dead speak out as though the death would be the end of everything.
Life would keep kicking you for the worst. And you think there is something hidden out there for the rest. Twists and turns keeps one on the heel till the eternal end of the thriller called Life. You expect, you feel, you think, you dream, you aspire, you plan, you act and at the end of it all you prepare for the worst because life can always throw an unhandled exception.
Change which is the only constant is another deadly combination alongwith life. As it is always said, "Man proposes God disposes" makes one strong and bold knowing life is just a mirage. What we always look forward to and view as a likely possibility , we always realise it was just a mirage of the desert.
Life can promise everything for the longing heart which feels. We take decisions and start our action plan. But are we the ones who are taking the decision?
It's life which takes them for us and we take the responsibility for it. And the worst thing of it all is no looking back. You are standing in this vast desert where you are reeling under the sun and there is no scope of going back to where you started from. You even don't know the end of it. You look forward and what you find is all the same, where at some place way ahead you see a ray of hope. 'Hope', which makes you walk faster defying the sun and as you get closer to what you thought to be the end is just yet another beginning to another mirage. But we are yet at another cross road! Another beginning of Life. You start afresh and people call it LIFE.
Don't know where to start from.....life has finally started showing its true color...
how can i live so comfortable life ????
can i ever do so ?
do i have the right to enjoy dat life ???
thoughts and emotions sometimes are speechless..and today same is the case here...no words to express what it is.
Seems like its been ages I have spoken. Dat i have had a night's good sleep. why is it so always with me ?
why does life can't give me a chance to live ?
why why why ????
As i move on and look back to my last post i find nothing the same. everything has changed and taken a drastic turn.
who is it ?
evening for me had been a dream. We used to get into the office building in d morning and getout of it in the late night. It was after so long time that I got a chance to move around in the evening under the open sky....many thoughts flashed through the mind...right from the school days of playing cricket in the evening was a must followed by the memories of my engg college days when we all friends would sit at the OAT or the stairs of the D-Block and have a cool time with the wind blowing swiftly making the environment come alive. Today after so many days here at kolkata i could feel the same breeze and the brisk touch of it.
It was just amazing to feel the breeze and have my head watch the high flying aeroplane shining in the slanting sun light high above. It was an amazing sight to watch after long time. The best thing was that I was completely out of any tension and worries....it was so very cool and light...
If that was yesterday then today too wasn't too bad evening. There were moments to cherish and close them in the heart. It must become a habit to come down to the ground floor and sit just on the road divider with the friends and have a few lighter moments and feel the cool of the evening. Evening is such an amazing time which makes the heart fly with the birds flying back home.The twilight falling into the eyes makes everything look so colorful and beautiful. Friends have got closer by now and the compatibility level has definitely been increasing day by day. I wish this continues as long as possible. I wish we have such small moments daily in our lives to make our stay in Tech Mahindra more beautiful. Life no doubt has got lot easier and more promising. Just a wish that all goes well !!
God bless all !
वोह जाती है टोह जाने दे
वोह जाती है टोह जाने दे
तुझे प्यार से मतलब है
कहीं से भी आने दे
कितनी आयी कितनी गयी
कितनी आयी कितनी गयी
मगर प्यार न बदला
बस लडकियां बदलती रहीं
यह मेरी कहानी यह मेरी ज़िन्देगानी
यह मेरी कहानी यह मेरी ज़िन्देगानी
आगे का मुझे याद नहीं
दूर से देखा तोह बारिश हो रही थी
दूर से देखा तोह बारिश हो रही थी
पास गया तोह भीग गया
दूर से देखा तोह शेर था
दूर से देखा तोह शेर था
इसलिये पास नहीं गया
यह मेरी कहानी यह मेरी ज़िन्देगानी
यह मेरी कहानी यह मेरी ज़िन्देगानी
न वोह मानी न वोह जानी
बस बह गए मेरे आँखों से पानी
तेरी याद मैं रो रो के हम tub भर दिए
तेरी याद मैं रो रो के हम tub भर दिए
वोह आये और नहा के चल दिए
उसने कहा तुम्हारे पास दिल नहीं है
उसने कहा तुम्हारे पास दिल नहीं है
अपने दिल मैं झांक के देखो ओ जालिम
तुम्हारे पास दो दो हैं
वोह आयी और खुशबु बिखेर के चली गयी
वोह आयी और खुशबु बिखेर के चली गयी
और हम हैं के सूंघते रह गए
The Above were few of the shayari which made the moment light at the end of the ITP session. Dull was the class and all was so different when it all started and it was a very good moment when we all had loads of fun and the best part was this all was made instantly in the classroom with the help of nishanto. I wish there were few more days at ITP training. Well we still have the behavioral training left but don't know how it would be after all the results were out. The retests and their results are yet to finalize many things for the future. I hope everything goes fine and the people who have to appear retests clear all of the papers and join us for the next level of training. I wish everything goes fine.
All the best to all of them !
As I moved into the class only one thing that I identified was only me and me. All unknown faces around made me feel lost in the crowd. It was all very exciting though !
Days passed by and the programmer seemed to be so long and never ending. But today we have reached the end of it and I can definitely say that life of each one of us has taken a drastic turn. Twists and turns make it appear so interesting but going through all that was never easy.
Few faces that weren't familiar enough have now left impression for lifetime. Few voices which were never heard would always keep ringing and the ears would wait desparately to hear from them which isn't quite possible in the future. 30 students and one class, not all known to me but yes they are now some part of life. Recreating this life is never possible again.
Working together for two months was never a long period to know everyone perfectly. but was not too short enough to capture them in the heart !!
There won't be those fights with the person who came up as a big surprise like a gust of wind loud and clear banging into the ears. I was taken by surprise and instantly we went along to be known for our mischievious arguments and leg pulling. Enjoying all that was really a good experience to carry along to the future.
At this point when i sit in the class (supposedly the last formal day of technical training) how can I forget those coffee breaks and lunch breaks. Those were the peak hours of masti and enjoyment. Back to days where we worked long hours in the night. Quite a different experience with lots of interaction with people with whom I would have never known without working long. Sundays and saturndays being weekends never stopped us from coming to office. Thinking of those days, I just cherish those moments of enthrwall and frolick.
Few great friends coming up to make a good bond for the future were never far off in being close to heart. Mention of those names would not be a fault in any case -
Vinay, Chetan, Sutapa, Premjit, Manish, Bijeta, Swagatika, Afsana, Sana, Jyoti, Tanushri, Priya, Sandeep, Tintin, Rudra, Suman, Nishant and Sumit.
All these people would be there in the heart and mind even though we would move ahead in different directions and may not get next chance to be together again.
ITP might end, but life hasn't ended yet with high hopes and quite a lot of emotions attached with this event. Waiting to get another chance to be with one of them. Wit crossed fingers(not for peace tough ;) ) , I wish everyone get through and makes it big in their own way.
Three cheers ....for ITP !!
Aisi aankhein nahin dekhi
Aisa kajal nahin dekha
Aisa jalwa nahin dekha
Aisa chehra nahin dekha
Jab yeh daman hawa de
Aag jungle main laga de
Jab yeh sehraon main jaye
Ret main phool khilaye
Aisi duniya nahin dekhi
Aisa manjar nahin dekha
Aisa aalam nahin dekha
Aisa dilbar nahin dekha
Uske kangan ka khanakna
Jaise bulbul ka chehakna
Uski paajeb ki cham cham
Jaise barsaat ka mausam
Aisa sawan nahin dekha
Aisi baaris nahin dekhi
Aisi rim jhim nahin dekhi
Aisi khwahish nahin dekhi
Uski bebak si baatein
Jaise sardi ki ho raatein
Uff yeh tanhayi yeh masti
Jaise toofan main kasti
Meethi koyal si hai boli
Jaisi geeton ki rangoli
Surkh gaalon pe pasina
Jaise babul ka mahina
Aisi aankhein nahin dekhi
Aisa kajal nahin dekha
Aisa jalwa nahin dekha
Aisa chehra nahin dekha
Crossed Fingers – Not of any importance to anyone other than me. It may represent something else to others. But for me it’s Peace. Peace against fight, Peace for fun, Well I don’t know what it means and what I am up to out here. But yeah, I want those crossed fingers to open up and keep me on the firing line. Been ages; I have been on peace. Peace for all sounds so good. So satisfactory! Peace should prevail. But not of this kind within me. Though this is peace for some, but I am fighting yet another war within. War of minds., war of egos, war of thoughts. This fight with crossed fingers does not look good neither does it feel great. Open finger fights are any day better.
I just can’t keep myself in peace anymore. The fingers are still crossed and I feel like I am dead. These fingers have remained crossed and would remain crossed. No other option of having the opportunity to open my fingers and start fighting. Noting exists anymore!!
Being in peace for is similar to be dead. I want to start living. Start afresh someday and live my life with open fingers. Crossed fingers hurt.
I want to live again…
I want to live again…
I want to live.
I am not Dead
Kyun mujhe kuch yaad aa rahi hai,
Kyun mujhe tumhari who lipte hue julphen yaad aati hain
Kyun tumhari aankhon ki harkatein mujhe satati hain
Kyun tumhari un aankhon ka intezaar hai jaise
Ke ek baar aaj unhe main chu lun apne aankhon se
Ke aaj tumhari aankhon main kahin kho jaun main
Woh jhuki si palkein kuch keh rahi ho jaise
Kyun mere dil main ek awaaz gunj rahi hai aise
Aisi aankhein nahin dekhi jo mujhe apne se alag kar rahi ho jaise
Lekin kyun aaj khudko khone ka gam nahin hai mujhe
Aisa kya hai jo mujhe tumhari who baatein yaad aati hain
Kabhi aisa toh nahin hua tha ke tumhari yaad aane ki zaroorat thi is dil ko
Toh fir kyun aaj mera dil tumhari aankhon se baat kar raha hai
Mujhe pata hai ke un aankhon main nami hai kahin
Lekin kyun who mujhse nazarein churati hain…
Hai in aankhon ko tumhari zaroorat,
Tumhare hoton ki hai mujhe intezaar
Ke tumhari hoton ki thar tharati aahat ko main mehsoos karun
Tumhari unglian hain khilte kamal ke pankh jaisi
Kyun mera mann aaj unhe thamne ko hai bekarar
Tumhari bikhre hue latayen,
galon ko chum rahi ho jaisi shararat ki hai khayal unhe
Aaj mera mann hai bekarar kuch kehne ko tumhare kaano main
Bas hai yeh ek khayal meri
lekin kyun mera dil kehta hai…
kyun mera dil….kehta hai…
kyun tum itni yaad aati ho..
kyun mujhe kuch yaad aa rahi hai…
What was that I felt ? well cant be explained though...it was meeting that i had been planning since days which was fruitful finally and it was bliss...it was so peaceful...perfectly the way i had thought off...setting off from office from 7.40pm i was quite sure it would be a successful and great meeting...well for those thinking it to be an official meeting, please note that it isnt anything professional...its completely personal...
but i felt real peace at heart and mind...i could say that i could feel God and every step and action of mine was as if controlled my Him. till I got back there was that power which stayed with me.May be it goes everywhere with me but its not quite obvious but definitely when I remember Him i find his blessings along with me...thats what makes me have my faith intact...elated to a different level of happiness and pious state I can sense nothing good for my current doings...have i gone on the wrong lane ?
should i come back before its too late ?
these are few questions that remain...
This philosophy is what has made me survive till now.
Before coming to Kolkata I had always been happpy regarding one thing. It was Satru's presence which had made me take my posting at kolkata to be a positive signal. May be it was god's plan to bring both of us together to work towards our dreams. But when I reached here at Kolkata I hardly had any time to visit his place and have some good quality time being spent. And the worst thing that could occur to our plans was that Satru got transferred to BBSR last month itself.
Earlier it was always planned and discussed that we two would get together and some real big projects would be undertaken. We could easily meet each other on weekends and be thr once i settle down.
It was yesterday that i was completely free and down with emotions. I was damn condused. thr was noone at my place and I wished if Satru had been there with me. May be i needed him the most at that point of time and this was the tragedy that we both are not at the same place. It was after many months when I realised his absence. Few confusions that raised in my mind would have been solved immediately once we had met but that was never been the case. And at this point i would like to share a secret.
If anyone has any thing to search for and solve his problem on the internet then there is Google and anyone wishing to solve his problem in life there is Jubul !!
well jubul is none other than Satrujeet. Thats what is all about him. I wish he was here with me at kolkata, then these problems and confusions would have never bothered me.
Its been long time that I have been with myself. Getting back to own form and trying to be urself is so good. It was at bbsr dat I had visited blogspot and written something. There have been frequent visits to my own profile but I have nt found the right time to get along and sit for my own thoughts to get the priority.
Supposedly it was the last time when I was quite nostalgic about my leaving bbsr. More than a month and I am through loads of things in life. Seems like I have seen a lot in this one month, even more than what I would have seen in my whole lifetime. And believe it or not, I have seen life close enough in these few days.
Its not happening yaar…don’t know whr to start from and where to end. One month is such a long time that there are many things which just need to be mentioned. But again this one month passed so quickly that it seems to be just like a flash.
But yeah, I can get along and make a move now. Kolkata was not that great as expected. Few of my previous blogs have gone regarding Kolkata and how this city of joy had proved itself. But suddenly as I reached this time to start my new life, Kolkata was no more a city of joy. The 1st week at kolkata was a nightmare for me. May be it was just a testing period which I had to survive in. And I survived ! Lots of struggle and pulling around to settle down and begin life from the scratch at kolkata. Time flew by and blogging was always on my mind. But access to the resources and thoughts was prohibited by time.
The beginning on the BIG day ! 27th July 2007, I joined Tech Mahindra. This was just the beginning and everything went fine and it was then that I had a feeling of getting finally settled and starting life afresh. Few resolutions and responsibilities at the back of the mind made it a steady start. ITP(Initial Training Program) as they say Began from 30 July and we were introduced to our colleagues and the new life. But slowly in just a week I could sense the burden of life. What exactly we were upto. Life revolved round Tech Mahindra. Anything and everything was related to the company. The feeling of being tied down crept in. There was nothing left in life except going to office early morning and coming back late evening. In the meantime, I had made good friendship with my room mates and that was the only thing that could make me survive.
First module test and it was all so different from college. Life rolled on and in no time now I am completely adjusted to this new life. The schedule makes me no more tired. The day I return at around 6.30pm it seems so different. Its always better to stay down at office till 10pm and work hard and have the feeling of satisfaction and come back home to find only the bed waiting most eagerly.
In the process 31st August made another mark in each and everyone’s life. Don’t know about others but definitely this day means a lot since my first salary was credited to my account. And the feeling of being grown up was superb. Though I could not find time on this day to get to the ATM to check my balance, still I believe it holds great importance to me. 1st September 2007 my first withdrawal and then loads of shopping and purchasing.
Well things have changed so much in just a few days that I hardly believe my own self. Just a month back I was never sure if I would make good friends out here and have any sort of life after college. Even for few days after joining I had no idea about what is in store for me. Ticking clock has taken the charge and now we are at not far from the day when out training would get over. Just 20days from now our ITP would be over. But never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would miss ITP and ITPians so much. The thought of the end has made me think twice about it. I have suddenly started loving my office environment, my work load, the stress, the people around and most importantly the group of people I have been around since a month. Though one month was never a big time to know them but definitely there has been some attachment for them. As I know myself very well this is not a new thing. But still this attachment word has started a new turmoil within me. Many things have touched me. Professional and personal life need to be kept different. But what exactly do I mean by the both and where should I draw a line?
Does it mean that I can’t be personal to my colleagues? Why do I think it to be so?
Why do I have to think about it so much? Don’t people working in office make friends? How far these people keep this friendship? I sometimes get to hear “this is no college!! And we are colleagues….not friends….”
This makes me quite apprehensive regarding my own way of dealing with people around me. The fear of missing ITP has made me do something which I have never done.
Detachment is the key to happiness.
Therefore not being attached to anything or anyone is only solution. People have taken this step differently and believe I have gone nuts and just trying to be professional. But I know what I am doing and what is correct from me at this stage. But there exists some attachment at this point and I need to overcome that. Now the most important question for me is to give an option for Pune center or not. Before coming to Kolkata I always had in mind that I would be opting for Pune once my ITP ends. But now after this one month of stay at kolkata I am in two minds. Practically speaking pune would be better since it gives more of options being the headquarters. But logically speaking I am already settled at this place and it’s been really tough to get down to this state. Settling at Kolkata was never an easy task. And now that I have finally got kind of lifestyle and a good friend circle(rather colleagues which some would like me to address) I don’t have that mental strength to go through all that once again which occurred to me when I came to Kolkata. Well I would have to leave some day and dats the way life in IT industry is. But I don’t want this to happen so early when I am quite satisfied with my current life and the way it’s rolling on. Staying down at kolkata would also have few other advantages which are out of the scope of this platform. But in all sense I am confused. Damn confused and rambling mind is eager to find a way out. Thinking of all this makes me wonder how could life change so fast and take different twists and turns in just a month.
Life is kicking !!
MISS U A LOT and the years that u gave me to live were the sunniest moments of my life.
What I am talking of is the group of ours that used to exists when we were children. Raza, the festival of three days celebrated in Oriya families used to be one of the most awaited events for us. Being celebrated in the month of June with the first downpour of monsoon kissing the soil, it always had a big celebration time for all of us. With a group of children exceeding a minimum of 20, it need not be mentioned what would be the environment then. May it be elders or children everyone took the advantage of enjoying these three days. A perfect time for family get together with vacations continuing for everyone of us, we were never bothered about what was going around us.
This all has faded away as we grew up and we went to far distant places from each other.Slowly but steadily everyone has come a long way from our childhood days. This year Raza was of course a special one since it saw a comparatively large group formation after around five years. There were many people we missed which includes Kuni Apa, Patu Apa and my own sis Apa. But this Raza found its true colour on the last day when every one of us got together for a party. It was feeling great to have got the chance to recreate our childhood days. The biggest thing of this party was dat it was sponsored by Bhaina and Jhumpi which gave the feeling that finally we are all grown up and got into our adulthood. Barista was superb with its ambiance and the most happening thing was to find elders experiencing our matured and responsible actions. Finally the night long masti was experienced amidst all. A memorable night for each one of us, we (Dulu Mamu, Lutu Mamu, Polly Apa, Tikili Apa, Tiki Bhai, Bhaina, jhumpi, Tinkle, Sonu, Molly, Lolly, Chikun, Sourav and I) spent it on the terrace of 3rd floor playing dumb charades. It was real fun with everyone participating with complete enthusiasm. It was after years that we all had met on this occasion and everyone was also quite aware that it would again be after years to find such an opportunity. Thus not leaving any scope of masti we all kept enjoying till it was 4am in morning. Then it was time to play cards and start another round of fun. With no signs of fatigue we continued to play TAKE 2 till morning 6.30.
16th June 2007, came as a day full of memories of the past and to create few more for the years to come. The mixed feeling of having lost our childhood and having grown up so much that we don’t own the right to do what we used to do before gave me some nausea. Having come of age does not mean that we have lost our freedom to have fun. Does it mean that we need to think more and be formal with our own people? Does it make sense in keeping our mouth shut and sit idle all day long?
But whatever it is, I had a great time and I am definitely going to miss it in years to come. This is probably the last Raza at home and with all my cousins around. Next time there would be many changes like Molly and Lolly won’t be at BBSR, Polly Apa would have got married and I would have got settled at Kolkata and probably won’t have leave to come home during this time. Lot more unexpected is to occur and change. Thus, this becomes all the more special. Days of childhood would be close to heart and our Bachha Party would always stay intact where ever we are.Let’s meet once again next year. Waiting eagerly for yet another such get together with all my dearest ones around.
To listen is so difficult. To listen means to be here, now. To listen means to be without any thought. To listen means to be alert and aware. If these conditions are fulfilled, only then you listen. The mind goes on spinning a thousand and one thoughts, and the mind goes on moving — in the past, in the future. How can you listen? And whatever you listen to, it will not be right listening at all.You will listen to something else which has not been said at all, you will go on missing that which is said — because you will not be in tune. To listen well ordinarily means to listen in a deep receptivity. When you listen, if you are arguing, judging, saying, "Yes, this is right because it fits with my ideology and this is not right because it doesn't..." If you are continuously sorting out things inside, you are listening but you are not listening well. You are listening with your past mind interfering. It is not you judging, it is your past. You have read and heard a few things, you have been conditioned for a few things. The past wants to perpetuate itself. It does not allow anything new; it allows only the old that fits with it. To listen rightly means to listen obediently. This word obedience is beautiful. You will be surprised to know that the original root from which the word obedience comes is obedire — it means 'a thorough listening'. If you listen totally you will obey. You will not need any decision on your part. Truth is self-evident. Or as the Jewish tradition says, 'to bare your ear'. If you have really opened your ear and there is no interference and no disturbance inside, and no distraction, you have not only opened your ear, you have opened your heart. And if the seed falls into the heart, sooner or later it will become a tree. Ear locks have to be removed. Fear of truth is the basic lock. You are afraid of the truth because you have lived in lies... for so long that all those lies are afraid, if truth comes they will all have to leave you. The moment you come closer to truth, the mind will become disturbed. It will create much stir, raise much dust, create a cloud around you so that you cannot hear what truth is.
Buddha has said that unless you are fearless you will not attain to truth. When you bow in a church, mosque or temple, to a statue, scripture, or tradition, where is your bowing coming from? Just watch inside — and you will find fear, fear and fear. Faith appears only on death of fear. Faith means trust. How can a fearful man trust? He is always thinking, protecting, defending. How can he trust? To trust, you need courage. To trust, you need to take risk. To trust, you need to move into danger. The Chinese ideogram for crisis consists of two symbols: one means danger, another means opportunity. Yes, that moment is a critical moment when you are facing danger and opportunity, both. If you don't go into danger you will miss the opportunity. If you want opportunity you will have to go into danger. Those who know how to live dangerously, only they are religious.
Excerpted from The Diamond Sutra, courtesy Osho International Foundation/ www.osho.com.
Every trip to kolkata has given me something to cherish about.
Glad that I had such a trip that too at such a critical time of my life.Things were changing pretty fast and the relationships too.People werent far too behind.The beginning of the trip never gave any such hint.But definitely there was some good feeling.Feeling of living my life right from the beginning.
As I was leaving bbsr on 19th of Jan I wanted to leave behind the past.I was quite aware how long the voyage wud be.How tiring it wud be.Just wanted to get busy with life such that I would not get time to think of the past.This is wat I had been doing since years.But may be I had forgotten my own self.
Life has so much to give which we are rarely aware of !!
Never thought at the beginning of the trip that Swyl wud be such a good friend.A person who had been around since 4 years in d same college.But discovered the real him in this trip.The always considered arrogant and outspoken guy cud b so different was really difficult to accept.But truely speaking I knew there was a better side to him.But I had never got a chance to view that.May be this was the day.It was a great experience to be with him and share with him all the thoughts which i hv nt done with many people.Not even with the bestest of my friends.There was something really amazing that made our thoughts and views connect to each other.
Two days were sufficient to know a person whom I could not know for four complete years !! It may b that we sometimes tend to share with people whom we dont know much and we get quite comfortable with.The same was the case with Swyl too.The bottom line is that we made great friends and I wud cherish it for a long time to come.
Shradha was another such person.I met her for the first time at kolkata and few talks were sufficient to make her a friend.She is a completely different person.A stable person with a stable mind.Knows exactly wat she is doing and wat she is capable of.Quite responsible to carry the
loads over her head.Thats wat makes her so different...Few hang outs made her presence felt.Glad to have met such a nice and different person wen trusting an unknown person was never easy for me after all that had happened to me.
Few things are tuff to forget.
A fabulous evening with Swati and Shradha on the steps of the hangout of city center,salt lake followed by a movie Guru in the Inox wud always remain as a sweet memory and a new step to the life ahead.
The walk along the roads of esplanade and feeling the chilling cold breeze kissing the ears and nose.The light from the lamp posts falling behind us and the never ending road seemed to loop us.Searching for our building and getting late to the place where we stayed.The best part was dat the gates were locked from inside by the time we reached and we(Swyl and I ) were shouting aloud at the top of our voices from the outside trying to call the security guards to open the gates.But in vain.Hungry stomach and bloody tired sleepy eyes were not ready to accept the fact that we are left with no other option to wait and wait for the gates to be opened.The only option that seemed logical and viable was to make a move to the railway station to spend the night which seemed to b longer than usual.But still we tried and tried.And luckily we found a security guard to our good luck and we were in.Into our room but nothing to eat.Smiles and some water were the only thing that we had to eat.Though tired and frustrated with all that occuring around and nothing going right at that moment I knew this was altogether a different experience and I enjoyed the whole of the melodrama and the exciting episode of that night.
The IIM,Calcutta experience and the feel of life at IIM. I could now realise the reason why IIMs are always a student's dream.The place is a nature's paradise with seven lakes within it.Not to be surprised though.It has all that a student would require and the best thing was the silence and the calmness in the environment.
The last night at kolkata with completely different experience at the pub.The taxi episode just before the entry into the pub brings back those curves around my cheeks.First night at a pub.I had expected to enjoy each moment but I could feel the void in everyones life around me.The void that all wanted to hide.I too was no exception.The pub was pumping with the blast of the bass and treble.People were dancing around and the music was on the rise.But along all this I was alone.Rather I was lonely.I could see the big difference that existed within the pub and the outside world through the big glass that separated both of them.Sometime before I had always wanted to be on this side of the glass.But now that i was already through I wanted to be on the other side.I wanted to be one among them who were sleeping and feel the calm dat covered them like a blanket.I could see a taxi passing by the wide road and an aeroplane crossing the big sky above.The view from the 8th floor of the bulding from the pub was really mesmerising.It was quite suffocating inside.But I tried my level best to try and be normal.But as I looked through the glass to the outside world I could feel the importance of night.The value that it has.Night brings with it a calm and the power to regroup urself to get ready for the next day,the next fight for existence.I didnt know the people who were inside the pub n wud never meet them in my life for the second time.But they all are fresh in my mind and I dont know why.I can figure each one out and connect them to all that was happening around me.They have become a part of my life and the moment I think of than nite each one comes alive.But I dont know wat was bothering me that night.No doubt it was enhtralling to have made it to the place.But den didnt feel the excitement within.The feeling was void within.I seriously wanted to be lost in the crowd with few drinks but I refrained. Something pulled me back.May be my next visit would make it easy for me to accept that environment.And I again repeat May Be ! Coz I dont know whether I wud ever get back to such place which makes me so different...But the
moment I came out of the pub i felt lot better and loved the outside world more dan before.The fresh air and the purer people.The actual and true me.
Carrying myself back to the station n taking alongwith me the thoughts and memories of the new friend and saying audie to all that was amazing to experience.
Kolkata has always given me great memories.But simultaneously reminds me that it is the place where I would start my new life and this would be the place whr i would stay after my engg career.Just waiting for the day to come and its not far away.Hope I get the best out of it.
A thought given by a friend.
Was really nice of him to share this thought and it was really worth listening to.As alwaz he spoke less but was enuff to suffice wat he wanted to convey.
Looking forward to this thought.
Man proposes and God disposes.
The only thing that perfectly fits our life.Had heard someone say this long time back.I still remember the person.I was in school.But then I had not understood the true essence of it. Took me really long to understand it !!
Life has taken yet another turn.Never ever thought it would be so soon.With mixed emotions and nothing to react to I find myself standing in front of a long road without any idea where it goes.I am also not interested to take the road but I have to.And dats wat it says.
Like a small child wondering perplexed in d middle of the road in the hustle of life I remain.No idea where i m heading to and whom i m looking upto.Is thr anyone waiting for me the other side ? I dont want to go to the other side but life has been pushing me.
Pairon tale zameen nikal gayi aaj.Aankhon ke saamne aandhera cha gaya.Bas kuch aisa hua lekin aab toh main akela khada hun.Like a raderless boat.Regrouping myself and trying hard to get along life.The beginning of this year has been too bad.Too bad for life.
All things are shattered !!
Read this somewhere today :
life gives u answer in 3 ways.
it says YES and gives u wat u want....
it says NO n gives something better..
it says WAIT n gives u the best.
We had all started to welcome the new year and the excitement was in d air.Plans were made as if it were really the end of life.Good plans make good results.But nt alwaz though.Anyways the penultimate date to the year ie 30th went superb wid friends.A visit to the nearby zoo with the newly formed group was exciting n most importantly the bike ride.The best of everything was the ride from the main city towards the outskirts with less hustle bustle.But den nandankanan has alwaz been too populated.Snaps and snaps and snaps.they hv been my fascination.Leading myself to a state of mind which was sublime.But den u need to come back.And I did.slowly things were nt turning out to be good.something had started hurting me long back.I had never anticipated wat was in store.But i ignored it and went along to enjoy with my friends d whole day.A day never goes complete until there are few hickups...so considering it one among dem i came back home cool wid new memories to store.
The Final Count Down:
Come 31st day n it all started at 5 o'clock in d morning and ended on 2nd of Jan.43 hours or more of sleepless time which I has become the best part of my life.Time I would cherish for ever.each moment had something to give.Har pal kuch kehta hai.Chicku's arrival and the chilling morning never shook our intentions to enjoy.Quite a hectic schedule and packed with plans as if for the whole year.Made me crazy but den all went good.Good hours to spend wid chicku n den it was evening.Time to join the party wid friends.things dat had been planned since days.Plan to rock the whole nite at a friend's (DK) terrace.Hats off to all of dem who arranged everything had it beautifully decorated with colorful lights and sound.Music system,sweet rocking melody and blinking tiny lights.Nothing more to ask for.All was set for the BIG night out.The best thing was the bonefire made at the center and the dangling fire taking all of 2006 into it.Heat could be felt and the smoke was enuff to make u black.Dancing to the rythme of the music around the fire made a lasting impression.The Morning shows the day.But it was the beginning of the night whcih showed how the whole night wud be.The whole world was awake for its own reason.But slowly bt steadily the time passed by n we were at the door step of 2007.And as it went off wishes were flying in d air and party had just den begun.Good wishes moved like angels and dey cud easily block the complete cellular network.(chupke se Vodka mix) Thumps Up had little effect on the excitement level.But to everyone's surprise it was vodka and all had had it by den.fire crackers were also arranged and dinner was too heavy.
Then started the real nite.Complete fundu thoughts and gossips.Guys talk r alwaz fundu.Beware !!
Plans got better to welcome the new year as it was decided by all to leave for Konark(The place wid Sun Temple which is considered to b the place where the first rays of Sun hit the coast of Orissa,nt far away,only 70kms from where we were placed) on bikes.4am and we were off on 4 bikes,8 people.Dark night n d whole of the world was sleeping under the new year cheers.8 roadies on the road.10 degree Celcius and we were riding at 100kmph n more.we were flying.literally flying.it was tuff enuff to hear my own voice.Chilling outside wid no protection to ears and hands.Just a jacket was my armour again cold.I was freezing bt the excitement kept me warm.It was getting morning too quick and we were short of our goal.we Had to move faster and we did.But finally we cud do IT.It was mission sunrise. The first sunrise at the sea shore and at Chandrabhaga(the sunrise point) was great to watch.
The sea was extra ordinarily calm and as it was also waiting for the sunrise and the ready to welcome the new year with open arms.Had been to this place many a times.But had never seen such a silent form of it.Calm to the top but turbulent underneath.It resembled me and i could relate myself wid d sea.I was still shivering terribly and all we friends waited with anxious eyes to see the first rays of the year.The year which promises so much for our future.It was finally wen sun showed it face and we were on the tip of our toes.The crowd too was excited.Fabulous experience and had never thought of such a big thing to occur so soon.FAr from home,far from family,far from myself i could see the world.The wide face of the sky and the sea.My fingers were still frozen and was tuff for me to gather them back into shape.I gazed at the sun and prayed for a better year ahead.Red Ball and red reflection !
Moments caught in d heart and stored for ever.
The First Light of the Year 2007
The new year day went fine with wishes beinge exchanged as if it wud be the best year ever.Being optimistic i met people around me and i was back home by 10am.Damn tired but the day ought to be celebrate with others too.Smiling faces all around as if all sorrows had taken a break and waited for some other day.
Few old school freinds meeting meant a lot.Would like to name them over here definitely.Chicku, Satyasagar, Deepak, Sangya, Ipsita and Deepti.Gem of a day.The whole day wid childhood friends meant the revival of school days.But by the time it was evening I had eyes dat were quite tired and were burning like fire in the heart.Finally got rest at midnight n by den it was 2nd of Jan.One whole day of the year had passed and I had had the the taste of its flavour.Friends alwaz cheer you up and they did it.I was yet to find the true me !
Relived my school days and had the best of times with my school friends.Could'nt have asked for more and it was made special by Satya and I really owe a lot to him now.A lot has been done and thanks to him for all dat he arranged for seven of us.Memorable and cherished moments dat wud finally go down into pages of history.History which would be then left for my future generation to let them know wat we had done.
Eyes were still burning wen i got back home in d night and slept with nothin left to be done.But den I missed every damn thing dat took place around me and dat which i experienced.
A tired mind and a tired body.Asking too much from myself.Last visit with chicku.
Finally all dat seemed to be going perfectly fine never really did.The New Year had come into life.No more of those fancy things occuring out there and my life took a drastic turn whcih i never thought in my wildest dreams.Small mistake and BIG punishment.Now it seemed like my real life.Never at peace.Nothing seemed to go in d right direction.It was 3rd Jan 2.41pm when it all happened.And since then there have been uncountable trials to make it right and bring things back into place.It occured so suddenly dat I could not realise dat it had in fact taken its shape.Unstable mind and imperfect body made it worse.Every good dat had happened to me in recent times gave back all dat sorrow it saved within it.nature never keeps anything.It gives u back wat u shud get.So did I.But may b it was too early.Thats how it goes.Happiness is alwaz planned by us but grief in ones life comes as planned by Him.Truely unexpected.Wat should one do if you r no more needed by the same person who needed u the most.Was it me who was responsible for all d change or it was just wished by someone else?
Questions dat have no answer revolve around me as I once again try and lift myself up from this dilemma to be or not to be.But I have now learnt how to be.And I wish it does remain the same.
Waiting for life to play another trick and make another move for me to take a new direction.
I once again lost n Life won.gathering my courage to fight back and give Life a something to think about.