An open letter to my future life partner

Dearest Future Life Partner,

In the times when majority of the people of this generation are either heart broken or are afraid of being broken, I might sound old school. But I want you to know about four things that I believe would make our relationship work for a lifetime.

1. Understanding each other and the perspectives that we bring into our lives. Understanding of the situations that both of us are in and understanding what we are in reality. Understanding what our inner truth is and being there for each other when we need the most. Understanding that even if we fight we will still be together at the end of the day. Understanding the emotions that we will share for lifetime. Understanding that we will be there for each other no matter what.

2. Respect for each other's individuality & dignity. Respect for each other's space & privacy, respect for each other's beliefs, respect for each other's family & friends, respect for each other's choices & likes or dislikes. Respect for each other's careers along with respect for each other as we are. Respect for each other without being judged.

3. Trust that we will stand by for each other no matter what. Trust that we will vow to believe in each other and move together for each one's growth and well being. Trust that we wouldn't ever feel the need to break away from each other. Trust that we will be there together forever and beyond.

4. Love that will keep us bonded for always and forever not because it's love but because we understand, respect and trust each other with our lives. That we will fight back from the lows in our relationship for the only reason being the love for each other. Love that will require not to be said but felt.

Yours truly forever
Future life partner

Night – The Shield

Seems like the blogging bug has yet again bitten me!

It’s 5.45am as I start writing. Should I say it to be early morning or late night? I would prefer the later since the Night has not yet got over for me. Yes, you got me right! I have been awake all night continuing my urge to read books. Perhaps reading books over the last few weeks was making me ready to resume blogging which has been my biggest passion. Completed reading ‘34 Bubblegums and Candies’ by Preeti Shenoy. Will come up with a review for the book in another blog soon though. For now I have a different agenda.

Well coming back I wouldn’t completely give it to my reading urge though, for keeping awake all night. I had completed reading by 3am. To cut short, I kept myself awake to drop my friend at the airport half an hour back.

The bike ride after I dropped him at the airport back to my flat took me around half an hour as I needed to cover 25kms.  It’s still dark outside, my city being on the western part of the country where sun rises generally after 6.30.

I could feel the cool breeze kissing my nose, cheeks and ears as I cruised on Hero Honda Karizma! Kind of bike it is, you would never know you have crossed 80KMPH until you peep into the speedometer. Having kept awake the whole night I kept my speed within limits thanks to my frequent conscious effort to look at the speedometer. The air was fresh and there was this subtle silence except for the soothing engine sound which made my mind ramble around. There have been times when I have been on bike rides on night outs but I had always been accompanied by friends since bike rides have always been bliss specifically in the night when there is very less traffic and no pollution. Given that night life in Pune is good, it’s considerably fair enough to move about during anytime of the night enjoying with friends. I have always enjoyed night life in Pune with friends. And if it’s on a bike then there can be nothing better feeling than this. But today was different for the reason that I was alone with myself and couldn’t find any element which could disturb talking to me.  

As I gained pace and moved ahead the dark blue sky which was yet to be illuminated, shined upon me with its darkness and there was no trace of moon. The complete darkness had its own charm unlike those days when you would feel the urge to see the moonlight sky. The darkness that prevailed along with the pitched silence made me realise how close I was feeling to my own self. That was a kind of feeling which I had never felt before. But it was good and felt nice. There was no other thought that crossed my mind except that I enjoyed every part of the ride. No song playing in the mind, no hurry to reach home, no worries to bother about and complete blank mind could make me feel like Night has worked as a shield to all our botheration, worries and sorrows. They say with sun rise, Day brings in happiness, hopes and all beautiful things and you feel like singing it’s a New Day, It’s a New Life! But it was not the case with me. The moment I thought about dawn, sunrise and the beginning of a new day my blissful state seemed to be threatened. I withdrew the thought of break of dawn. I wished the Night should prevail till eternity so that I would be shielded of my sorrows, worries and responsibilities. Speaking right now I might sound like an escapist! It might seem like I never want to face my hurdles of life but if I go back to that state when I felt this, I suppose I wasn’t wrong if I wanted these to be at bay far away from me. Who would want worries to be a part of life? If it’s Night which plays the shield and works as a knight in shining armour then I would prefer Night to Day! Doesn’t that sound better? How do I gain by facing my problems and solving them? Yes, they do get resolved, but then it does keep you occupied with hundreds of thoughts. It keeps you alert throughout the Day. You struggle, fight and come out successful but how does it help? Can anyone resolve all the problems and guarantee that problems/botheration/issues/worries/sorrows would never come back? But Night does give you that guarantee of being shielded from all of the above until it exists. Even when you sleep you sleep tight. People suffer from sleepless nights because they are occupied with their problems that they would have to again face the next morning once Night is gone. So it’s not the Night but the Day that keeps them awake. The fear, the thoughts makes you sleepless.

Come Day, you again start running in the rat race and it hardly matters who wins. What matters is who manages to come out of it. He is the true winner. And I felt like a winner because I could see myself out of the race. Now I don’t fear waking up in the morning and facing issues since I feel out of the race. I am just waiting for the Day that has crept in by now to end and Night to take charge where I can again live the life which makes it worthwhile.

Truly, this bike ride did make a difference. I now wait for yet another Night to set in, another 12 hours to go. The timer is set!

An ordeal with strangers

Faces never seen, voices never heard, people never known sometimes make you think what you would not have otherwise. There have been such instances to pick from everyone’s life.

As I boarded the train for Delhi, I could see Saurabh sitting by the window. There were people giving a strange look at me as if I was an unexpected guest to their party. This is something everyone does. Have you ever felt happy to see some stranger in the train while you are seated, who could in no time grab your seat i.e. the window one that you preferred. As I made myself comfortable, I saw myself behaving the same way. A young couple arrived with their luggage at our bay. You should have seen my face for sure. I bet I would have made even a worse face than my co-travelers did when I had arrived. The obvious reason was it was me who would be sharing a part of the seat with another two people. How could it be possible when we were already 6 people comfortably seated as if waiting for the stupendous dinner to be served around the royal table like a big joint family where every other person hadn’t seen each other’s face since they were born. Mark the size of the joint family then. Well to put it straight we all belonged to the huge human family and were all strangers to each other. Now not making any fuss about we being strangers lets go back to where we were.

I was now wondering how we would share the luggage space; forget about seat for new two people. The extra luggage was thrown away into the upper berth as they made their way to make some space to sit with their best efforts and of course good manners. Now how could we stay back in mannerism? We jumped to our sides making some space for both of them. As they got themselves seated I wondered who could have been the person who had occupied maximum space before the couple had arrived. Now it was all level. Our shoulders started brushing and I could now realize that the train had started moving.

For the next 15 minutes everyone kept silence as if it were a ritual as the journey started. Then came the time when everyone got busy with their mobiles as I got a call from my Dad. Perhaps they must have realized that they too have people to call and inform that the train had started or may be they were going to reach soon which is just another 26 hours from now. Few people would have got excited because they have left to meet the desired loved ones which included me as well. But there were another set which seemed to be upset for the reason that they were moving away from their loved ones. And most importantly there were also people who belonged to the “don’t-know” category of any survey conducted in the news channels.

Soon after the train started gaining pace we started having small talks. It really amuses me to observe and watch what people do. One thing that was common in everyone’s mind was that, the 24hours of journey was going to be really boring if they didn’t start knowing each other. It was really interesting to see the way everyone was trying to break the ice and strike a conversation. I could hear someone say “Who aapka beta tha na?”, (He as your son, right?). How smart that guy must have been!! And guess what, slowly people started talking as if they have known each other since ages or have been waiting to meet for years together. As I got myself involved in few conversations, I realized that I had not yet known anybody’s name. Soon I heard Saurabh introducing himself to another guy, shaking hands after having one hour of conversation. This surprised me to an extent how do people introduce each other having talked about the whole world, when they have not spoken about themselves. This is when I came to know Saurabh’s name. He and Tejas, the other guy, later became my good friends to have a great company through out the trip.

But with in all this there was something which drew my attention to think over for hours together. There was this young couple who had joined us earlier in the morning while we started the journey. They were a couple recently married. May be a year only, I guessed it to be. I would be taking a few assumptions as per my observations. But my observations made me wonder on many things. They must have been a couple married a year back and for sure reasons they must have had an arranged marriage. The guy, was protective caring and loving. The lady, with her sweet smile, carried a little shyness around. They definitely were a happily married couple. But the striking thing was the love that existed between them. It was the guy’s warmth and the love for her in his own ways that made me think so. Their small talks with soft words and the understanding with just a mere eye contact were worth noticing. Why I say they had an arranged marriage was because of the bondage that could only be felt.

Love has always been a subject which I have not understood properly yet but had an idea about love marriages which people get bonded by the institution called marriage after falling in love with each other. Regarding arranged marriages, I had only subtle idea that two strangers meet, feel comfortable, of course considering every other aspect of life and get settled to begin a new life called marriage where they start exploring each other during the journey called life. But love-after-marriage was always an unsolved mystery for me. I agree that I have seen many other couples who love each other even if it were an arranged one. Some how I always doubted the existence of it in real sense. There was a different feeling altogether this time where I could feel love-after-marriage. To my understanding its not always love marriage which involves love in a relationship. Love does exist in arranged marriages as well which has made them successful over the years.

Love after marriage makes marriages successful in true sense.

Missing Arvind !

Negi is leaving tomorrow and somehow I feel, I would be missing a good human being around. A good friend who could give all gyan regarding how to go about pursuing a course in Australia to the gyan why he always had a contradicting thought to everything that he was said before him. A true character who could make a dead man laugh aloud and who could draw your attention to a very valid point by his all witty logic.

All the best dude for all your future endeavors.

Miss your gorgeous smile and the attempt to have the Aamir Khan IStyle !!

Have a great life and hope we could be together again in this short journey called Life.

AM I Being Myself ?

As I was walking down the road to my office building which sits close to my flat, I don’t know how and why I felt like writing things up which came shooting into my mind. It was after such a long time that I felt like writing. There was a gust of thoughts which had not come to me since long. Thoughts which were regarding me and I was thinking all this being a third person to me. The way I have been over these two years after leaving college. How I have changed as person personally, physically (may be not much as per others but I have: P), professionally and most importantly emotionally.

So what are the changes that I am talking about? A few observations recently on me put forward this thought that yes I have changed a lot over the period of time. But please don't ask me if they are for good or bad. Whatever it may be it is me. They say "the only constant in life is Change..." and how true has that proved to me! I had always imagined Abhisek i.e. Me as a person who would hardly come across changes when it comes to accepting it. I am resistant to changes may it be change of bed or room or seat at office or food point or anything you may say. And with this I remember I have changed my number! Gosh that is what I had never intended to do. Well, logically speaking I have not changed my number. My previous number still exists and I would continue to use that once I get my cell phone repaired. But for the time being that number is switched off and I have been using a new number which is not with anyone else except for few who have been in regular touch. But, after all I have changed my number and it’s been more than three weeks now. I have not given it to any of my friends from college or from yesteryears. Not that I don’t care about them or don’t want to be in touch with them. But I have not made an effort to circulate my number which I would have done by mails, orkut and sms to all of them few years back the day I would have got a new number. But why is it that I have not done it this time? I too don't know!

It was amusing to get a call from Parul yesterday yelling at me on my new number. She had been trying my old number since three four days but hadn’t got it connected. And finally somehow she got my new number from someone, I still don’t know who. But frankly speaking it was actually surprising to know this. I never expected her to try my number until my bday :P. Even that seems to be a bit over expectation but I never expected her call. Why I mentioned about her is that, this thing made me realize that I have not given my number to anyone and that’s how change has come within me. I have stopped listening to music! Whow !! That is impossible. But yes I have. I have stopped orkutting for hours now! I have learnt how to spend time alone at home; I have learnt how to enjoy a good book. Never thought in my wildest dream that I would complete reading books over night. Have been reading different books and the latest is of a different genre altogether. Its "Games Indians Play - Why We Are the Way We Are by V Raghunathan". That a great book and a must read for everyone who is an Indian.

Well, lets move on to something else. I told you, today I was in a writing mood after a long time. Visited few of my old friends' profile early in the morning. It was Adwitee and Sumandeep's profile that caught my eyes. Well yeah, they have been good friends from college but we weren't that great friends either. It was just by chance that I landed up in their profiles and many good memories came running to my mind. And this was the point where thoughts shoot up from all directions. Even if I had got a notepad to jot down I would have failed to do so. Anyways.. Having visited Adwitee's profile specifically took me back to my first year at college. I had roll no 1 and hers was 5. So we were teammates through out the 4 years in labs, vivas anything done in groups on the basis of roll numbers. So, she was a very good friend. The best days were when Sumandeep, Biswajit, Ajay, Dibya, Adwitee and I were involved with our attempt to create and publish a year book for our IT 2007 passing out batch. Those were the times when I realized how good these people were. Among the people I admire from the core of my heart, Sumandeep, Biswajit, Ajay, Adwitee and Dibya are the names that I must not forget to mention. The year book is still with me but I realized today that I have not opened the same since a year or so. The book which we had created for this purpose only to have a remembrance of those beautiful days is still lying in some corner of my cupboard. And it hasn’t caught my attention since long. That’s why I feel I have changed. Recently a very good friend of mine, Himanshu, had sent me a sms regarding the completion of 2nd anniversary of our engineering. Now when I had got the sms I felt nice to remember that day i.e. 27th April 2007. But somehow I didn’t feel anything different. No one to share it with who would understand its importance. There are hundreds of such dates which come across people. So how does it matter to others? It did to me on the first anniversary. But not on the second. And moreover, I too have moved on. I had always thought that I would miss my friends, college and those days. And I was not wrong. But I was wrong when I used to think that life would be nothing without them. Now I am living a life without all that. Nothing is similar to what used to be two years back. Prachi has been there through out but our relationship has also changed and this I can say is for the best. But we are no more like we used to be during college days. But somehow I feel I have been ditched by time. I didn’t have the guts to look back and take a turn. I did turn initially but like others who had preferred to move on I too did chose that path. And here I am writing this about my college days after 2 years of leaving. Now that’s what I had never expected. I had reached Kolkata and from there to Pune. But in all that I never wrote anything about college on my blog. It all was regarding my new life, new friends and new environment. I am guilty in this regard. I could have made a better effort to be what I wanted to be. There have been times when people have complained me for not being in touch. Now that’s harsh. When did I stop them from being in touch with me if I was not? Did I deny them not to be in touch with me? Well, I would prefer leaving this topic here. But somehow I feel I could have been more generous and not changed.

Well, as I said, lot has changed over these two years. Pallavi got married on 28th April! And that’s news!! I still can't believe that I wasn’t a part of her wedding just because I am hired by a god damn company which pays me some 20K odd bucks. This is what I had never thought. I always feared this life and life has proved itself over and over again. How true my parents have been in such matters. I remember when in college my mom saying me "beta, yeh sab dost wagera jo bhi hain...sahi hai lekin jab tum log alag jagah pe rahoge..no one would be around...n u wouldn’t even get time to meet them for years together...what will only matter is your life and your family"... and then I used to be so irrational in my thoughts... I never agreed to what mom used to say. But today as I see myself I somewhat agree to her words though not completely. May be I need to reach her age to agree completely. I had been to b'lore to meet pallu before she got married. and it was really great to be with her and himanshu. there were days when we all used to be with each others for more than one third of a day... but now we met after more than one and half years...that too just because pallu was getting married and she would be leaving India after that. And look as I write this she has already got married and has left India. So that’s how life has been changing. So how come I won’t change?

Well, all these thoughts have come across several times in bits and pieces. But I never had the will to pen them down. I had lost the zeal to write as I used to have few months back. I feel really weird now remembering that two days back I had updated my orkut profile and in that for the passion section I had written "none for the time being". How have things changed me really makes me wonder if I am the same person as I was. AM I being myself?

My World Hasn't Changed

05:48 AM, 15th March
Kolkata, the city of Joy has been among the places, which has given me a lot in a big way. Getting back to Kolkata had always been my dream. So, the excitement was always there when I boarded the flight to Kolkata. All was set and months long wait was over. Finally, I was going to Kolkata. Many things were brushing through my mind and the memories kept flashing by. I was going to the place, more importantly going to meet the people who have been my in very short span of time.

06:05 AM
The captain’s final call for the departure and the flight takes off as if it was on a mission to make my trip a successful one. I preferred to close my eyes and get to my own plans for the trip.

09:45 AM
I opened my eyes and found that I had been in my dreams until I got the captain speaking to the passengers. “Indigo welcomes you to Subhash Chandra Bose International Airport, Kolkata. The outside temperature is 27 degree Celcius and humidity is 48%. Indigo wishes you a pleasant stay. Thank you for being with Indigo.”

These words made my heart pounding and I could feel the blood flowing in my veins.

09:50 AM
Finally, I touched Kolkata. It was a breath taking moment for me. Finally my dream had come true and all my hardship to come to Kolkata had paid.

10:45 AM
Eagerly observing everything from the window of the shuttle, I could feel the soothing air and freshness of the morning. We were cruising into Salt Lake.
By now, past was in front of me. I could see myself walking along the Techno India Building with my friends. The day we had our induction, the days when we used to come down to the road side stalls to take our lunch and the evenings when we used to walk back to Karunamoyee together after the hectic training hours. I relived those small and beautiful moments once again. As I passed by the road, I saw some change. The road divider, which had some wild twigs and grass, has now been made greener. The artificial human activity has destroyed the natural beauty. Few small statues and models have been placed with well trimmed side bushes and lawns. This was a change which I could feel in the place. As we moved further towards city center, another change caught my eyes. The roads had got better. There were no more, the after rain pits and cracks. It was all well maintained and these changes brought a fear run down my spine. “Has the world changed within these few months?”
Exactly two weeks and so much has changed. I wished everything else was the same. Reached city center and found yet another change, the near by shop we used to visit daily for regular fags had come up well. By now I was walking towards our small world. Now there it goes!!
Yet another change!
A Tea Junction stall at the city center entrance!
That really struck me hard. Was it normal to find such changes or the world has changed for me. The side lane had been made concrete which used to be a broken brick laid path. The brand new banner of Nimas and the huge HSBC bank that has come up in these two weeks seemed to be a kind of indication. I started feeling restless to see so much of change. Though these weren’t big changes for others but for me it seemed to be like an alarm indicating that my world has also changed. That fear didn’t stop me from walking towards my flat. Though I don’t stay there any more and literally does not belong to me but it would be my flat forever.
But now I could see the nearby house still under construction even after two weeks. The Santro of our landlady standing in front of the huge gate. The gate was half open as always. Everything was calm and silent which used to be a regular case. Slowly I felt better and found everything to be same. As I entered the living room I could see the smiling familiar faces of Chetan and Vinay. The smiles were all there. My happiness had no limits and touched the sky. Now I was more comfortable and fear had disappeared. Everything was like before. The untidy bed of Chetan, the scattered articles on the table, the well prepared covered food and everything else was all the same. Nothing had changed.
But what about my relationships ?

Will they be the same as before? I was not sure of anything when I walked to the 5th floor. I was afraid to notice any further changes. But this time I was stronger enough to neutralize my thoughts. But expectations were there to make me twice. Walking along the steps and finally through the cubicles to move ahead to the “Adda Cubicle” was the best part. Never expected that the surprise would prove to be such a big hit. Every face had a surprised look and most importantly the happiness which was more of excitement could be felt from everyone’s action. It was one of the best moments which I wish I could capture like a Kodak Moment. Glad enough that I got more than the expectation.
My relationships were the same.
As the day progressed and I met everyone my faith strengthened and now at the end of the trip, I am all smiles and satisfied carrying back new memories, new moments to cherish for the future. Now I, strongly believe that may be world has changed but My World is never going to change come whatever.
12:01 AM, 17th March’08

Evening Life is Back !

It had been more than 2 months that I had not seen dusk...and I had not seen the twilight...
evening for me had been a dream. We used to get into the office building in d morning and getout of it in the late night. It was after so long time that I got a chance to move around in the evening under the open sky....many thoughts flashed through the mind...right from the school days of playing cricket in the evening was a must followed by the memories of my engg college days when we all friends would sit at the OAT or the stairs of the D-Block and have a cool time with the wind blowing swiftly making the environment come alive. Today after so many days here at kolkata i could feel the same breeze and the brisk touch of it.

It was just amazing to feel the breeze and have my head watch the high flying aeroplane shining in the slanting sun light high above. It was an amazing sight to watch after long time. The best thing was that I was completely out of any tension and worries....it was so very cool and light...

If that was yesterday then today too wasn't too bad evening. There were moments to cherish and close them in the heart. It must become a habit to come down to the ground floor and sit just on the road divider with the friends and have a few lighter moments and feel the cool of the evening. Evening is such an amazing time which makes the heart fly with the birds flying back home.The twilight falling into the eyes makes everything look so colorful and beautiful. Friends have got closer by now and the compatibility level has definitely been increasing day by day. I wish this continues as long as possible. I wish we have such small moments daily in our lives to make our stay in Tech Mahindra more beautiful. Life no doubt has got lot easier and more promising. Just a wish that all goes well !!

God bless all !

ITP

The first day seems to be so far from now.Its all past now and gone into the pages of history.But it would never fade away from the memory of all the ITPians for their rest of the life.

As I moved into the class only one thing that I identified was only me and me. All unknown faces around made me feel lost in the crowd. It was all very exciting though !

Days passed by and the programmer seemed to be so long and never ending. But today we have reached the end of it and I can definitely say that life of each one of us has taken a drastic turn. Twists and turns make it appear so interesting but going through all that was never easy.

Few faces that weren't familiar enough have now left impression for lifetime. Few voices which were never heard would always keep ringing and the ears would wait desparately to hear from them which isn't quite possible in the future. 30 students and one class, not all known to me but yes they are now some part of life. Recreating this life is never possible again.

Working together for two months was never a long period to know everyone perfectly. but was not too short enough to capture them in the heart !!

There won't be those fights with the person who came up as a big surprise like a gust of wind loud and clear banging into the ears. I was taken by surprise and instantly we went along to be known for our mischievious arguments and leg pulling. Enjoying all that was really a good experience to carry along to the future.

At this point when i sit in the class (supposedly the last formal day of technical training) how can I forget those coffee breaks and lunch breaks. Those were the peak hours of masti and enjoyment. Back to days where we worked long hours in the night. Quite a different experience with lots of interaction with people with whom I would have never known without working long. Sundays and saturndays being weekends never stopped us from coming to office. Thinking of those days, I just cherish those moments of enthrwall and frolick.

Few great friends coming up to make a good bond for the future were never far off in being close to heart. Mention of those names would not be a fault in any case -
Vinay, Chetan, Sutapa, Premjit, Manish, Bijeta, Swagatika, Afsana, Sana, Jyoti, Tanushri, Priya, Sandeep, Tintin, Rudra, Suman, Nishant and Sumit.
All these people would be there in the heart and mind even though we would move ahead in different directions and may not get next chance to be together again.

ITP might end, but life hasn't ended yet with high hopes and quite a lot of emotions attached with this event. Waiting to get another chance to be with one of them. Wit crossed fingers(not for peace tough ;) ) , I wish everyone get through and makes it big in their own way.

Three cheers ....for ITP !!

Do Relationships Decay ?

A thought which struck me long back. But I wanted to think on it first. And somehow today while interacting with a friend I got to hear something called boredom in relationships. A nice question asked - What if a relationship gets bored which is perfectly on the right track ? Everything is well and fine but what if someone feels bored and finds no 'Charm' in the relationship. That was tricky. My instant answer was then how do people marry and they don't get bored and continue to live life together till end. I still feel that its just the effect of western culture thats affecting our thought process. Someone would not have found this question a decade back. When it comes to relationship commitment is the key ingredient. Its not that we get into a relationship for our own self. I feel its for both the persons. this used to be the scenario before. But now any relationship you consider thr is a selfish reason. Thats our expectations and our own interest in it. Once our interest and expectations are fulfilled we feel the boredom. Is it natural or we keep expecting more and more which makes it boring and monotonous ? Arent we expecting too much from our relationships ???? Are we seriously looking for each other's happiness ? Are we getting into a materialistic world ???? All these questions tend to answer my own question " Do Relationships Decay".

Now coming to my very own question, I feel that every relationship comes with an expiry date. The moment the date ie the period expires the relationship starts to decay. Exactly like our Planet or a Star does. The decay may be spontaneous or very gradual which may not appear. But there is this decay that exists. I am not speaking of only one type of relationship. What I am talking of is every kind of relationship, may it be marriage, friendship, brotherhood, child-parent or even the kind that can't be named(which come at different level,something between love and friendship) . We can say it to be losing the charm or getting boredom. It may not be only materialistic reason for such decay. As we move on in life and we meet different people, our own thought process changes. Our requirements change. Our environment change. The same people with whom we used to be so close seem to be quite incapable of understanding out plight. Or we tend to lose our own sharing ability. We meet new people who belong to our own environment who can be more comfortable with. The comfort level is what matters. Slowly but steadily every relationship, even the ones we think is immortal starts to decay.

And who is it to be blamed for such occurance ? Is it we. Is it our selfish attitude. Is it our needs which change. I would prefer considering it to be time. Time changes everything. Even our needs. Well our environment too plays a critical role in this process. Another thing is our tight schedule and our busy life which leaves us with no time to analyse such changes and gives us no time to set everything right and to stop the process of decay.

Previously I used to be quite bothered when I used to lose contact or find that there exists no more the same kind of intimacy with people who mattered a lot in my life. I used to take it quite seriously and feel lost. Now I look back and find that every relationship that I used to be in, has changed with time. And its quite drastic too. Beginning from my own family members to my friends and even to my foes. The intensity of hatred that I used to have for some foe or person has decreased and I can say that I dont even consider him/her to be a foe anymore. It hardly matters whether he/she exists or not, whose existence on the surface of earth was a big botheration for me some years back !!

Same is the case with my friends and family too. Many people who mattered to me a lot, are no more in contact though they still matter a lot in my life. But its just that the process of decay has changed everything. It definitely hurts to look back and find that so much has changed. I wish I could get back to that time and make up everything the way it were. But that's not possible.

Well, now I feel that I need to accept each change. I need to look ahead to the new relationships that are waiting to be made. I need not stop and I should let life play its role. The best thing we can do is play our part best in any relationship, give in our best efforts to build it and be happy that it occurred. And regarding the past lost relationships we should again be happy that it was our part to be played and we played well and gave our 100 percent efforts. And that which was destined took place and we are at a better place. Here comes the true beleif in God, the supreme Power who regulates every action of ours and my faith increases on "Jo hota hai achhe ke liye hota hai".

I can thus watch each of my relationship decaying slowly but steadily. The watch is On !

Scars on The BODY...

Scars on the body,those signs of the past.There have been many scars on the body.The falls from the cycle have given many scars.The fear of falling and the imbalance just was sufficient for me to fall.To hit the pole,the tree and the people passing by.These scars remind me of those days when dad used to b the force behind my cycle.Moving on to the football field behind our home in the scorching heat of the sun just after the lunch.Thats what is adventure.Cant forget the days when dad wud take me with him for an icecream just for a reason to make me have a cycling on the road.
Still remember the first day i took the small but heavy cycle of our neighbour's into my hands.It was too big for me but too small in front of my dad's encouragement.Hadnt my dad given dat first push to the cycle den i would have never learnt how to ride a bicycle.Yes i moved on and on and on finally into the bush with the cycle hitting the lamp post on the road side.That was it !!sigh !! The injured hands n the scar on the knees still remain.But that was the first and last nervous ride i ever had.Dad said "until u dont fall on ur knees and dont get scars dat remain for ever u wont learn to b the best...." and man dat sentence struck me the most....

one lesson n den came many many scars on the body from the cricket field,from the corridors of school while running after each other(frnds),den from the bike with dose small n big accidents....but they haven't moved my determination to move ahead n be the best.The best in what ever i do.There have been scars on the mind and on the heart too....but the principles applies the same to all...

But !!

I hardly knew the scars that we get in the heart, in the mind and in the emotions r more painful n ever green dan the ones on the body....have really learnt how to bear all dose big scars on the body but when it come to the heart n mind i still feel i m achild....still require dat push from my Dad.I wanna him to b thr with dose small words.The encouragement to go ahead n touch the sky.missing his support at this level.Cant ask for it from him becuase now I m grown up n may b he too wont understand my problems n yes even if he does i cant b dat open to share all dat i suffer. How long will i keep bothering him ? Is it not enuff ?

Yes i must learn how to move ahead independently. I will move n i knw dad wud alwz be thr to give the little push whenever i require but the scars would remain and i m proud to have dem.They are the ones that have been my motivation and the integral part of me.

Scars on the body give joy and scars on the heart give pain!! i would prefer the former one....what wud you ?