An open letter to my future life partner

Dearest Future Life Partner,

In the times when majority of the people of this generation are either heart broken or are afraid of being broken, I might sound old school. But I want you to know about four things that I believe would make our relationship work for a lifetime.

1. Understanding each other and the perspectives that we bring into our lives. Understanding of the situations that both of us are in and understanding what we are in reality. Understanding what our inner truth is and being there for each other when we need the most. Understanding that even if we fight we will still be together at the end of the day. Understanding the emotions that we will share for lifetime. Understanding that we will be there for each other no matter what.

2. Respect for each other's individuality & dignity. Respect for each other's space & privacy, respect for each other's beliefs, respect for each other's family & friends, respect for each other's choices & likes or dislikes. Respect for each other's careers along with respect for each other as we are. Respect for each other without being judged.

3. Trust that we will stand by for each other no matter what. Trust that we will vow to believe in each other and move together for each one's growth and well being. Trust that we wouldn't ever feel the need to break away from each other. Trust that we will be there together forever and beyond.

4. Love that will keep us bonded for always and forever not because it's love but because we understand, respect and trust each other with our lives. That we will fight back from the lows in our relationship for the only reason being the love for each other. Love that will require not to be said but felt.

Yours truly forever
Future life partner

Striking The Right Chord

There are several mails that float on the internet as forwards. In one of the forwarded mails I had read something which has been making me think for quite sometime now. I am not aware of the author, so I would keep the author as anonymous. 

"People meet for a Reason, for a Season or for a Lifetime." - Anonymous

How true the thought is! Ever since I read this quote, I started evaluating all those people I have met in my life and whom I remember till now. I have met uncountable number of people in my school, in my childhood days, in college, in graduation, at  my workplace, in my neighborhood and of course others who have come across me as a surprise. Many have left, many are still in touch and perhaps there are only a few who would be there with me for my whole lifetime. What makes me wonder today is what could have been the chord which connected us? Was it for a reason or for a season or for a lifetime. And I agree all are not for a lifetime. 

Those who have already left me had come into my life for either a reason or for a season. It is really amazing to realize who all were there for a reason because now when I sit down and think about all these people I find a reason behind our meeting each other. There were many learnings that I carry  forward and now I know the reason why we met. And for those who were there for a season, all I can say is that, they would still be there in my memory for long but I can hardly find a reason behind our meeting - that upsets me altogether.

Now, for all those who are there in touch, I am yet to realize which category they would fall into. Fingers crossed I await for the reasoning in me to categorize that.

But, the next question that dwells within me is what about all those new people whom we meet daily. And surprisingly there are many who have hit the right chord straight away. There seems to be some connection already existing prior to our meeting and that makes me think if our meeting each other was just a matter of coincidence or for a reason? I fail to know what could it be. However, I realize that it's not the days, months or years of interaction which decides if someone is for lifetime. But what matters is, striking the right chord differentiates someone from the rest. Yet the watch is ON!

A few lines from one of my favorite Odiya songs goes below -

'Baata re chalu chalu,

kebe kiye.... dekha hue...

mane rahe naaaa.. 

kichi loka kichi chehraa... haayeee

kichi loka kichi chehra...

mane rahe... bhuli hue naa....'

Well, before I sign off I would like to convey all my heartiest wishes for someone who celebrates her Birthday today on 1st September. A perfect Virgo, as she is, has come a long way from being just an acquaintance to a very good friend in such a short period of time. That's what I believe striking-the-right-chord is all about.

Signing off

Abhi 

Commitment in LOVE

Okay, guys! I know not many readers follow this blog, but the very fact that I love blogging and getting down to write what goes through my mind here I am with my new blog. My last blog had come long back in July which is more than 6 months from now. I suddenly realised that the total number of posts for the year 2009 has come down to a single digit. A statistical data would reflect that it has been an exponentially decreasing graph perfect for research like the falling sensex. You can surely have a complete analysis on different trends of posts and all that mathematical calculations. So, if it continues it might soon touch the zero point. Thus an attempt to get back to this world of mine. Blogging has always been an amazing thing to do. But of course writing anything and everything doesn't make any sense. So I had been off for this quite an obvious reason.

Moving on with the fresh beginning, I would wish everyone a very Happy Valentine Day to all. Lets celebrate this day just for the sake of love but not for any form of it. It should always be taken as a reason to celebrate love. Do we really give ourselves the time and chance to let our near and dear ones know that how much we love them? May be you could use this as a medium to let others know how you feel about them. It's of course the right day to do so! Hence, do find out some time, and luckily today being a Sunday, you can't even complain for not having time! Go ahead if you haven't done it yet.

Of all the things that occurred to me during these more than six months duration I would surely consider few things which changed the way I perceive things around me. One of them being the word Love. I have always believed that it's love that makes everything worthwhile. No doubt about it though. But when we come to the point of commitment in love, I believe I had failed to understand what it was. It isn't about just the literal meaning of it. Quite a controversial thing to say and I know many may come up with different versions of the word 'commitment in love'. As I now understand this in a clearer way, I can say that it is about accepting one and everything about the person and his/her world. It's not the only person you commit to. You need to commit to the whole world around her (from now her would mean both he/she). Accepting doesn't always mean that you need to compromise. If you compromise then its not commitment in love. Its just an adjustment, and life doesn't run by making adjustments. You need to feel it internally. You need to prioritise how strongly you feel to take everything along with her in your life. Just having her to spend your life with isn't sufficient. It's also about how she takes your world with you. There needs to be a reciprocation of this event. I may love someone from the depth of my heart, but what I too need to know is how much I love her family and friends. I need to get everything right by knowing the same about her as well. That's when you say it as perfect couple bonded in love. I have had experiences of people around who keep continuing in a relationship just because they love each other or should I say they feel they love each other. But on the contrary I would often rather more than often find having differences, fights and arguments over the silliest of the things in the world. That is due to the fact that you have not yet started loving the world around her. As simple as that. And however you try, you end up some day walking in your own direction when the situation or should I say burden is too heavy to be over headed. Thus commitment and love are two different things which need to be looked at very carefully. I would define ‘commitment in love’ as companionship. How well you can give company to the one you love till the eternal without making any adjustments or compromises is the key to success of it.

An ordeal with strangers

Faces never seen, voices never heard, people never known sometimes make you think what you would not have otherwise. There have been such instances to pick from everyone’s life.

As I boarded the train for Delhi, I could see Saurabh sitting by the window. There were people giving a strange look at me as if I was an unexpected guest to their party. This is something everyone does. Have you ever felt happy to see some stranger in the train while you are seated, who could in no time grab your seat i.e. the window one that you preferred. As I made myself comfortable, I saw myself behaving the same way. A young couple arrived with their luggage at our bay. You should have seen my face for sure. I bet I would have made even a worse face than my co-travelers did when I had arrived. The obvious reason was it was me who would be sharing a part of the seat with another two people. How could it be possible when we were already 6 people comfortably seated as if waiting for the stupendous dinner to be served around the royal table like a big joint family where every other person hadn’t seen each other’s face since they were born. Mark the size of the joint family then. Well to put it straight we all belonged to the huge human family and were all strangers to each other. Now not making any fuss about we being strangers lets go back to where we were.

I was now wondering how we would share the luggage space; forget about seat for new two people. The extra luggage was thrown away into the upper berth as they made their way to make some space to sit with their best efforts and of course good manners. Now how could we stay back in mannerism? We jumped to our sides making some space for both of them. As they got themselves seated I wondered who could have been the person who had occupied maximum space before the couple had arrived. Now it was all level. Our shoulders started brushing and I could now realize that the train had started moving.

For the next 15 minutes everyone kept silence as if it were a ritual as the journey started. Then came the time when everyone got busy with their mobiles as I got a call from my Dad. Perhaps they must have realized that they too have people to call and inform that the train had started or may be they were going to reach soon which is just another 26 hours from now. Few people would have got excited because they have left to meet the desired loved ones which included me as well. But there were another set which seemed to be upset for the reason that they were moving away from their loved ones. And most importantly there were also people who belonged to the “don’t-know” category of any survey conducted in the news channels.

Soon after the train started gaining pace we started having small talks. It really amuses me to observe and watch what people do. One thing that was common in everyone’s mind was that, the 24hours of journey was going to be really boring if they didn’t start knowing each other. It was really interesting to see the way everyone was trying to break the ice and strike a conversation. I could hear someone say “Who aapka beta tha na?”, (He as your son, right?). How smart that guy must have been!! And guess what, slowly people started talking as if they have known each other since ages or have been waiting to meet for years together. As I got myself involved in few conversations, I realized that I had not yet known anybody’s name. Soon I heard Saurabh introducing himself to another guy, shaking hands after having one hour of conversation. This surprised me to an extent how do people introduce each other having talked about the whole world, when they have not spoken about themselves. This is when I came to know Saurabh’s name. He and Tejas, the other guy, later became my good friends to have a great company through out the trip.

But with in all this there was something which drew my attention to think over for hours together. There was this young couple who had joined us earlier in the morning while we started the journey. They were a couple recently married. May be a year only, I guessed it to be. I would be taking a few assumptions as per my observations. But my observations made me wonder on many things. They must have been a couple married a year back and for sure reasons they must have had an arranged marriage. The guy, was protective caring and loving. The lady, with her sweet smile, carried a little shyness around. They definitely were a happily married couple. But the striking thing was the love that existed between them. It was the guy’s warmth and the love for her in his own ways that made me think so. Their small talks with soft words and the understanding with just a mere eye contact were worth noticing. Why I say they had an arranged marriage was because of the bondage that could only be felt.

Love has always been a subject which I have not understood properly yet but had an idea about love marriages which people get bonded by the institution called marriage after falling in love with each other. Regarding arranged marriages, I had only subtle idea that two strangers meet, feel comfortable, of course considering every other aspect of life and get settled to begin a new life called marriage where they start exploring each other during the journey called life. But love-after-marriage was always an unsolved mystery for me. I agree that I have seen many other couples who love each other even if it were an arranged one. Some how I always doubted the existence of it in real sense. There was a different feeling altogether this time where I could feel love-after-marriage. To my understanding its not always love marriage which involves love in a relationship. Love does exist in arranged marriages as well which has made them successful over the years.

Love after marriage makes marriages successful in true sense.

AM I Being Myself ?

As I was walking down the road to my office building which sits close to my flat, I don’t know how and why I felt like writing things up which came shooting into my mind. It was after such a long time that I felt like writing. There was a gust of thoughts which had not come to me since long. Thoughts which were regarding me and I was thinking all this being a third person to me. The way I have been over these two years after leaving college. How I have changed as person personally, physically (may be not much as per others but I have: P), professionally and most importantly emotionally.

So what are the changes that I am talking about? A few observations recently on me put forward this thought that yes I have changed a lot over the period of time. But please don't ask me if they are for good or bad. Whatever it may be it is me. They say "the only constant in life is Change..." and how true has that proved to me! I had always imagined Abhisek i.e. Me as a person who would hardly come across changes when it comes to accepting it. I am resistant to changes may it be change of bed or room or seat at office or food point or anything you may say. And with this I remember I have changed my number! Gosh that is what I had never intended to do. Well, logically speaking I have not changed my number. My previous number still exists and I would continue to use that once I get my cell phone repaired. But for the time being that number is switched off and I have been using a new number which is not with anyone else except for few who have been in regular touch. But, after all I have changed my number and it’s been more than three weeks now. I have not given it to any of my friends from college or from yesteryears. Not that I don’t care about them or don’t want to be in touch with them. But I have not made an effort to circulate my number which I would have done by mails, orkut and sms to all of them few years back the day I would have got a new number. But why is it that I have not done it this time? I too don't know!

It was amusing to get a call from Parul yesterday yelling at me on my new number. She had been trying my old number since three four days but hadn’t got it connected. And finally somehow she got my new number from someone, I still don’t know who. But frankly speaking it was actually surprising to know this. I never expected her to try my number until my bday :P. Even that seems to be a bit over expectation but I never expected her call. Why I mentioned about her is that, this thing made me realize that I have not given my number to anyone and that’s how change has come within me. I have stopped listening to music! Whow !! That is impossible. But yes I have. I have stopped orkutting for hours now! I have learnt how to spend time alone at home; I have learnt how to enjoy a good book. Never thought in my wildest dream that I would complete reading books over night. Have been reading different books and the latest is of a different genre altogether. Its "Games Indians Play - Why We Are the Way We Are by V Raghunathan". That a great book and a must read for everyone who is an Indian.

Well, lets move on to something else. I told you, today I was in a writing mood after a long time. Visited few of my old friends' profile early in the morning. It was Adwitee and Sumandeep's profile that caught my eyes. Well yeah, they have been good friends from college but we weren't that great friends either. It was just by chance that I landed up in their profiles and many good memories came running to my mind. And this was the point where thoughts shoot up from all directions. Even if I had got a notepad to jot down I would have failed to do so. Anyways.. Having visited Adwitee's profile specifically took me back to my first year at college. I had roll no 1 and hers was 5. So we were teammates through out the 4 years in labs, vivas anything done in groups on the basis of roll numbers. So, she was a very good friend. The best days were when Sumandeep, Biswajit, Ajay, Dibya, Adwitee and I were involved with our attempt to create and publish a year book for our IT 2007 passing out batch. Those were the times when I realized how good these people were. Among the people I admire from the core of my heart, Sumandeep, Biswajit, Ajay, Adwitee and Dibya are the names that I must not forget to mention. The year book is still with me but I realized today that I have not opened the same since a year or so. The book which we had created for this purpose only to have a remembrance of those beautiful days is still lying in some corner of my cupboard. And it hasn’t caught my attention since long. That’s why I feel I have changed. Recently a very good friend of mine, Himanshu, had sent me a sms regarding the completion of 2nd anniversary of our engineering. Now when I had got the sms I felt nice to remember that day i.e. 27th April 2007. But somehow I didn’t feel anything different. No one to share it with who would understand its importance. There are hundreds of such dates which come across people. So how does it matter to others? It did to me on the first anniversary. But not on the second. And moreover, I too have moved on. I had always thought that I would miss my friends, college and those days. And I was not wrong. But I was wrong when I used to think that life would be nothing without them. Now I am living a life without all that. Nothing is similar to what used to be two years back. Prachi has been there through out but our relationship has also changed and this I can say is for the best. But we are no more like we used to be during college days. But somehow I feel I have been ditched by time. I didn’t have the guts to look back and take a turn. I did turn initially but like others who had preferred to move on I too did chose that path. And here I am writing this about my college days after 2 years of leaving. Now that’s what I had never expected. I had reached Kolkata and from there to Pune. But in all that I never wrote anything about college on my blog. It all was regarding my new life, new friends and new environment. I am guilty in this regard. I could have made a better effort to be what I wanted to be. There have been times when people have complained me for not being in touch. Now that’s harsh. When did I stop them from being in touch with me if I was not? Did I deny them not to be in touch with me? Well, I would prefer leaving this topic here. But somehow I feel I could have been more generous and not changed.

Well, as I said, lot has changed over these two years. Pallavi got married on 28th April! And that’s news!! I still can't believe that I wasn’t a part of her wedding just because I am hired by a god damn company which pays me some 20K odd bucks. This is what I had never thought. I always feared this life and life has proved itself over and over again. How true my parents have been in such matters. I remember when in college my mom saying me "beta, yeh sab dost wagera jo bhi hain...sahi hai lekin jab tum log alag jagah pe rahoge..no one would be around...n u wouldn’t even get time to meet them for years together...what will only matter is your life and your family"... and then I used to be so irrational in my thoughts... I never agreed to what mom used to say. But today as I see myself I somewhat agree to her words though not completely. May be I need to reach her age to agree completely. I had been to b'lore to meet pallu before she got married. and it was really great to be with her and himanshu. there were days when we all used to be with each others for more than one third of a day... but now we met after more than one and half years...that too just because pallu was getting married and she would be leaving India after that. And look as I write this she has already got married and has left India. So that’s how life has been changing. So how come I won’t change?

Well, all these thoughts have come across several times in bits and pieces. But I never had the will to pen them down. I had lost the zeal to write as I used to have few months back. I feel really weird now remembering that two days back I had updated my orkut profile and in that for the passion section I had written "none for the time being". How have things changed me really makes me wonder if I am the same person as I was. AM I being myself?

I Still blv dat relationships Decay

Few months back I had posted something on Decaying of relationships.After that post there had been many discussions with different people and somewhere deep within i had felt that my thoughts were contradicting my own beliefs.

But circumstances do make me feel once again that i was correct with my belief. I can still reiterate my words and say that yes relationships decay.

Lost faith on strangers !

Why do i trust strangers so early ? Why do i keep repeating my own mistakes ? Why dont i realise the truths of the world ? why do i expect so much from others and finally why do i bother for others when they hardly care or realize?????????

questions whose answers i don't need to know. I know what i am and what can be done...no one can change me or the way i think and in the process i have been hurt quite often just because i trust them so much. But everyone in this world was a stranger when we walked in to the world but we made relationships and it was trust and faith which has been the ingredients of all these. Right from having faith in the person whom we didn't know and then slowly calling her mom , we have trusted each and everyone who has come across us. Still I have not been the best in taking decisions regarding people. Well that's my weakness. I sometimes need to open my eyes before i move ahead with my trust. But again why do people play with it when they know that someone cares ?

It was never friendship and I thought that I lost a Friend !

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Talked to Jimmy on AIR....had been really impressed with DIL SE and had been eager to talk to him. I just wanted to let him know that he has been doing a fabulous job. But I definitely wanted him to connect me to one of those persons whom I wanted to say sorry...but then it was too late (2.30am)and i didn't want that person to find another reason to be angry with me. But it was really good to talk to Jimmy and find a few good thoughts. The best thing that he said was "Be Yourself" and that has really boosted me up in being what I am.

Talking to him, I have somehow got this feeling of being an RJ. Its really interesting job. While talking to Jimmy I could feel the background sound and the environment. I just got this idea of trying hand at that too...but i need time to nurture this dream and who knows some day I land up doing what I always wanted to. All on destiny though....

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Pune or not ???

Puzzle solved...I would definitely try to go to Pune...Make all the efforts to get transferred to Pune...had been thinking over this since long and finally today i felt that i should make this move. The place which i had been loving initially has suddenly made me quite uncomfortable. Few unwanted events and I find no enthusiasm in staying back. The most important reason that I have found the environment to be cool no more exists. There always exists some disturbance within. Not capable of coping with it I would choose to opt out of Kolkata. Venture into the new life at Pune. I hope I get my posting at Pune. But now, all depends on my PSG Head and I have my fingers crossed for the time to come.

Fingers crossed somehow mean something else to me. It means ....anyways will come to that in some other post.

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Plans are made to be changed. Had planned to go to B'lore in Puja vacation to meet all friends.Even plans of mumbai and Pune from there was all set...but these all vanished like a Monday blue...cant take leave since my training would not have been over by then...that's ridiculous...damn training...what wud happen to the plans ?

what about my friends ?

wen will i meet them ?

Been quite nostalgic off late...those pics which had been locked in the DVD were opened and parsed through to let the memories come in and make it rain....was quite happy though...coz i was going to B'lore to meet all of them. But then all crashed and now its all in the dust and no plans as of now....

Pathetic life...

Do Relationships Decay ?

A thought which struck me long back. But I wanted to think on it first. And somehow today while interacting with a friend I got to hear something called boredom in relationships. A nice question asked - What if a relationship gets bored which is perfectly on the right track ? Everything is well and fine but what if someone feels bored and finds no 'Charm' in the relationship. That was tricky. My instant answer was then how do people marry and they don't get bored and continue to live life together till end. I still feel that its just the effect of western culture thats affecting our thought process. Someone would not have found this question a decade back. When it comes to relationship commitment is the key ingredient. Its not that we get into a relationship for our own self. I feel its for both the persons. this used to be the scenario before. But now any relationship you consider thr is a selfish reason. Thats our expectations and our own interest in it. Once our interest and expectations are fulfilled we feel the boredom. Is it natural or we keep expecting more and more which makes it boring and monotonous ? Arent we expecting too much from our relationships ???? Are we seriously looking for each other's happiness ? Are we getting into a materialistic world ???? All these questions tend to answer my own question " Do Relationships Decay".

Now coming to my very own question, I feel that every relationship comes with an expiry date. The moment the date ie the period expires the relationship starts to decay. Exactly like our Planet or a Star does. The decay may be spontaneous or very gradual which may not appear. But there is this decay that exists. I am not speaking of only one type of relationship. What I am talking of is every kind of relationship, may it be marriage, friendship, brotherhood, child-parent or even the kind that can't be named(which come at different level,something between love and friendship) . We can say it to be losing the charm or getting boredom. It may not be only materialistic reason for such decay. As we move on in life and we meet different people, our own thought process changes. Our requirements change. Our environment change. The same people with whom we used to be so close seem to be quite incapable of understanding out plight. Or we tend to lose our own sharing ability. We meet new people who belong to our own environment who can be more comfortable with. The comfort level is what matters. Slowly but steadily every relationship, even the ones we think is immortal starts to decay.

And who is it to be blamed for such occurance ? Is it we. Is it our selfish attitude. Is it our needs which change. I would prefer considering it to be time. Time changes everything. Even our needs. Well our environment too plays a critical role in this process. Another thing is our tight schedule and our busy life which leaves us with no time to analyse such changes and gives us no time to set everything right and to stop the process of decay.

Previously I used to be quite bothered when I used to lose contact or find that there exists no more the same kind of intimacy with people who mattered a lot in my life. I used to take it quite seriously and feel lost. Now I look back and find that every relationship that I used to be in, has changed with time. And its quite drastic too. Beginning from my own family members to my friends and even to my foes. The intensity of hatred that I used to have for some foe or person has decreased and I can say that I dont even consider him/her to be a foe anymore. It hardly matters whether he/she exists or not, whose existence on the surface of earth was a big botheration for me some years back !!

Same is the case with my friends and family too. Many people who mattered to me a lot, are no more in contact though they still matter a lot in my life. But its just that the process of decay has changed everything. It definitely hurts to look back and find that so much has changed. I wish I could get back to that time and make up everything the way it were. But that's not possible.

Well, now I feel that I need to accept each change. I need to look ahead to the new relationships that are waiting to be made. I need not stop and I should let life play its role. The best thing we can do is play our part best in any relationship, give in our best efforts to build it and be happy that it occurred. And regarding the past lost relationships we should again be happy that it was our part to be played and we played well and gave our 100 percent efforts. And that which was destined took place and we are at a better place. Here comes the true beleif in God, the supreme Power who regulates every action of ours and my faith increases on "Jo hota hai achhe ke liye hota hai".

I can thus watch each of my relationship decaying slowly but steadily. The watch is On !

Scars on The BODY...

Scars on the body,those signs of the past.There have been many scars on the body.The falls from the cycle have given many scars.The fear of falling and the imbalance just was sufficient for me to fall.To hit the pole,the tree and the people passing by.These scars remind me of those days when dad used to b the force behind my cycle.Moving on to the football field behind our home in the scorching heat of the sun just after the lunch.Thats what is adventure.Cant forget the days when dad wud take me with him for an icecream just for a reason to make me have a cycling on the road.
Still remember the first day i took the small but heavy cycle of our neighbour's into my hands.It was too big for me but too small in front of my dad's encouragement.Hadnt my dad given dat first push to the cycle den i would have never learnt how to ride a bicycle.Yes i moved on and on and on finally into the bush with the cycle hitting the lamp post on the road side.That was it !!sigh !! The injured hands n the scar on the knees still remain.But that was the first and last nervous ride i ever had.Dad said "until u dont fall on ur knees and dont get scars dat remain for ever u wont learn to b the best...." and man dat sentence struck me the most....

one lesson n den came many many scars on the body from the cricket field,from the corridors of school while running after each other(frnds),den from the bike with dose small n big accidents....but they haven't moved my determination to move ahead n be the best.The best in what ever i do.There have been scars on the mind and on the heart too....but the principles applies the same to all...

But !!

I hardly knew the scars that we get in the heart, in the mind and in the emotions r more painful n ever green dan the ones on the body....have really learnt how to bear all dose big scars on the body but when it come to the heart n mind i still feel i m achild....still require dat push from my Dad.I wanna him to b thr with dose small words.The encouragement to go ahead n touch the sky.missing his support at this level.Cant ask for it from him becuase now I m grown up n may b he too wont understand my problems n yes even if he does i cant b dat open to share all dat i suffer. How long will i keep bothering him ? Is it not enuff ?

Yes i must learn how to move ahead independently. I will move n i knw dad wud alwz be thr to give the little push whenever i require but the scars would remain and i m proud to have dem.They are the ones that have been my motivation and the integral part of me.

Scars on the body give joy and scars on the heart give pain!! i would prefer the former one....what wud you ?

I need...

What is it that i need?

i dont knw wht i need.....may b i need a friend who is alwaz a friend....a freind who does not take me for granted...a friend i wud alwaz depend upon....a friend who reciprocates the same way....a friend who understands me...a friend who gets happy with all dose small things...a friend who realises my existence...a friend who has no hesitation to say anything...a friend who is ready to share all dat is special...a friend who gives everything even before i expect it...a friend who really cares...a friend who knows me more dan myself...a freind who understands what i need...a friend who is just a call away...a friend whose voice brings a smile in the heart...a friend with whom i can talk what ever i feel like...even it may b against the friend...a friend who knows what he/she means to me...a friend who is happy the way i m...a friend who lets me know that he/she cares.

Yes it may sound too weird but i think these are few things which we all speak of a friend and we think we all satisfy these as a friend.But have we ever wondered where we have gone wrong ?

We think what we do, we wont really hurt our friend because our friend understands us.But why dont we think dat the same friend may also be expecting the same.we all think dat we need a friend who possess the above mentioned criteria...but r we really ideal in dat respect....do we make ourselves such dat a friend wud really feel the way we want to feel when we get back the same things.Do we really come upto the expectations of our friends.But at each point of life we feel dat our friends should come upto our expectation level.When a friend fails to do so we feel bad and think dat the friend was not true friend and dat the friend really never understood us.But why cant we think just the reverse.Did we understand our friend well.

Ego is a thing which has ruined many such friendships.I have been a pray to dem too.Again in this case too we think that our friend should nt have any ego...but we never look at ourselves whether we have ego or not...n the moment we feel n we say tht we dont have ego den thats ego which says we dont have ego.Its so recursive that we really dont realise it.Why is it dat we always try n make our friends realise how much we care or how much we do for them?And when we do this we really bring that ego in between.

I would like to make a confession.Yes i have felt this many a times for each of my friend.A thought always comes to me"why does nt my friend reciprocate the way i want dem to,why they dont give a call when i have given a call n they missed it,why is it dat i m always a person taken for granted,why is it that i m always the last person to be remembered on the earth,and regardless of this why always i get to hear that i dont understand".Well i was really at fault.

I started to write this post just out of frustration with the above thought regarding my friends with an intention to complain but in the process of writing i have realised that i was at fault and it was really kiddish on my part to think that way.I m really sorry to all my friends for my such thoughts regarding them.Yes I am damn confused regarding my thoughts.

I too know that this is what every other person goes through.But again is it me who has been thinking more?But whatever,this is the fact.
This is what I need....i need all my friends to realise the same as i did it just now.