2010 Round Up!

Every year that comes by has some story to tell and 2010 is no different. But this would be my first blog regarding a flash back at the year end. Unlike other years that passed by, 2010 has been a year worth looking back at. If 2007 was one of the years of my life which saw changes coming drastically in me from being a student to a professional, then 2010 was one which brought me back from a completely professional life to a balanced life which had certain things to keep for lifetime.

1. Trips back home twice in the year is a mark in itself. Going back and getting in touch with your family, friends, visiting your best hangouts like Ekamra Hatta, Shri Jagannath Temple, Puri beaches brought me back to life and I got connected once again.

2. From childhood to adulthood, never felt like I have grown up until I attended marriage of a friend for the first time. Chicku's wedding was a special event which brought me to reality - We have all grown up and now its time to take responsibility of our own life. Of course along with it brought back the memories of my childhood as I visited Talcher after 7 long years. It made me nostalgic for sure but made it obvious that how life has changed and however we wish we can never get back to our school days. They would remain the best days of my life. My heart felt wishes to her for a grand married life full of love, success and happiness.

3. Not sooner than expected, successful tieing of Knot of Anup and Pragyna in
mid year strengthened my belief in Love Marriages. They are a couple made for each other and have set an example in itself. Wishing both of them a Great life ahead, God Bless you Both.

4. Formation of Hum Paanch Group - As I wondered about season, reason and lifetime in my previous post, I realised I had a handful of them around me and I feel blessed to have them for lifetime. Thank you guys for everything! Vishal, Manish, Sonali, Dipika you four give reason to live life for a lifetime.

5. Few friends gone by, making a comeback makes me feel good about the years to come. This of course strengthened my belief on the saying 'Friends are forever'. Long live our friendship. Cheers to each one of them for standing by my side in all circumstances!

6. 2010 took me one step ahead in my career and not to forget the tough times I had in changing my Organisation. However my association with TechM over the last three years have been eventful and happening. I would for sure miss my first organisation which gave me the platform for what I am today. Thanks to all the people whom I met, I worked with and with whom I created connection for a lifetime. Time spent at Tech Mahindra would always be fresh in my mind and would be there as a happy memory.

7. Realization of the fact that no matter how I felt about Pune initially, now I feel like home when in Pune. Not a bad place to live in. I have always been a bit skeptical with change of place and have faced difficulties whenever I relocated but this time around I find it next to impossible to move away from a place where I have lived my precious three years. Its not the place but the experience out here that has pulled me back. Having struggled hard all alone to get settled and get a life here was the most difficult thing over the years and I truly believe I need to preserve what I have achieved being at Pune. Looking forward to continue it the way it has been so far.

8. One of the best thing to have happened over the last year - Sarah Hina's post as a guest blogger on my blog. Her enthusiasm towards blogging brought me back to my world and my sincere thanks to her for being so very considerate with my request.

These were few of the best things that 2010 had to offer. There have been many such things which are beyond my capability to express. There have been bad moments as well but I would prefer forgetting them and collect them as part of my tryst with Life.

Striking The Right Chord

There are several mails that float on the internet as forwards. In one of the forwarded mails I had read something which has been making me think for quite sometime now. I am not aware of the author, so I would keep the author as anonymous. 

"People meet for a Reason, for a Season or for a Lifetime." - Anonymous

How true the thought is! Ever since I read this quote, I started evaluating all those people I have met in my life and whom I remember till now. I have met uncountable number of people in my school, in my childhood days, in college, in graduation, at  my workplace, in my neighborhood and of course others who have come across me as a surprise. Many have left, many are still in touch and perhaps there are only a few who would be there with me for my whole lifetime. What makes me wonder today is what could have been the chord which connected us? Was it for a reason or for a season or for a lifetime. And I agree all are not for a lifetime. 

Those who have already left me had come into my life for either a reason or for a season. It is really amazing to realize who all were there for a reason because now when I sit down and think about all these people I find a reason behind our meeting each other. There were many learnings that I carry  forward and now I know the reason why we met. And for those who were there for a season, all I can say is that, they would still be there in my memory for long but I can hardly find a reason behind our meeting - that upsets me altogether.

Now, for all those who are there in touch, I am yet to realize which category they would fall into. Fingers crossed I await for the reasoning in me to categorize that.

But, the next question that dwells within me is what about all those new people whom we meet daily. And surprisingly there are many who have hit the right chord straight away. There seems to be some connection already existing prior to our meeting and that makes me think if our meeting each other was just a matter of coincidence or for a reason? I fail to know what could it be. However, I realize that it's not the days, months or years of interaction which decides if someone is for lifetime. But what matters is, striking the right chord differentiates someone from the rest. Yet the watch is ON!

A few lines from one of my favorite Odiya songs goes below -

'Baata re chalu chalu,

kebe kiye.... dekha hue...

mane rahe naaaa.. 

kichi loka kichi chehraa... haayeee

kichi loka kichi chehra...

mane rahe... bhuli hue naa....'

Well, before I sign off I would like to convey all my heartiest wishes for someone who celebrates her Birthday today on 1st September. A perfect Virgo, as she is, has come a long way from being just an acquaintance to a very good friend in such a short period of time. That's what I believe striking-the-right-chord is all about.

Signing off

Abhi 

Authentic Thanksgiving :)

Heya!

Now I couldn't find any suitable title for this post. ;) After, all the efforts that Sarah Hina took to come down and give her best for her post, I couldn't find any better way than this to thank her for this kind gesture.

It was her sincere instant response that made it possible. It was a great feeling to find a guest post from someone whom I have been following for quite sometime. Frankly speaking it was not long back that I knew Sarah but her first article on Aniket's website had made me an instant fan of her writings. And finally as she accepted my request, it made my day!

As it all went fine and got posted, the first thing I checked in the morning was my blog and it was there! I had never done so in my whole life even if it was my own blog! But that I was expecting to see her post I couldn't wait and it was a super duper moment! And I thank Sarah for making it so wonderful that it was.

@Sarah: I have been on and off my blog but this was the best moment which I have experienced through these 4 years of my blogging experience. It was my blog's 4th Birthday on 16th August and I too hadn't realized this until now when it struck me suddenly. So, nothing better gift that I could have expected on my blog. A BIG THANKS to you for making it so very perfect! Coincidentally it was the 4th year completion and what a way to celebrate it!

I extend my heartiest thanks to you for your gesture and efforts that you have put in to make this possible. Having book signing and releasing your first book this month 2010 is not a small thing. I understand how busy you must have been. You contributing to my blog during this rush hour of your own life, I suppose there can not be any better act of humbleness and hats off to you for that. If you could do this for someone else i.e. finding out time to publish the article and follow it closely answering to the feedbacks, then I should also at least do that for my own blog.

Thanks for giving me a reason to have a refreshing start to this blogging arena, and I hope I can take this further with all the energy that you have infused within me. You showed me that we should give our cent percent to our passion even if there are hurdles and we don't find much time to invest in our day today life. Blogging has always been my passion and I got a reasoning to pursue this ahead just because of the confidence that your post gave me.

Thanks again Sarah!

Best wishes for the release of your book and be it a huge success.

God Bless You :)

Signing off,

Abhi

P.S: Happy Birthday to Swati (one of my best friends from my College days). She happens to celebrate it on 19th of this month. My best wishes to her and may God bless her! Miss You DEAR :(

Missing Arvind !

Negi is leaving tomorrow and somehow I feel, I would be missing a good human being around. A good friend who could give all gyan regarding how to go about pursuing a course in Australia to the gyan why he always had a contradicting thought to everything that he was said before him. A true character who could make a dead man laugh aloud and who could draw your attention to a very valid point by his all witty logic.

All the best dude for all your future endeavors.

Miss your gorgeous smile and the attempt to have the Aamir Khan IStyle !!

Have a great life and hope we could be together again in this short journey called Life.

What should one do ?

A New Post

Suppose, you are in your office bus returning back home in late evening. You are on the right side window seat. And at the same time you find a beautiful lady with a charming face, sweet smile and of course a good height on the correspondingly opposite side i.e. on the left side window seat with no one else between the two of you. As usual, after a long day and of course yet another 1 hour travel left to reach home, it is expected that one would prefer looking out of the window [that’s why you took that seat da (trying out to write like a south Indian young writer because every fwd that u get regarding office, college and of course office bus are written and initiated by someone from Blore or Chennai but never Hyderabad, God only knows why) ] at the whole world around and think everything that’s irrelevant (because you would have never thought over those things had you not been idle). The lights, speeding car, the cross roads, the people around, the vast dark sky, the far invisible skyline, the disturbing radio playing on your phone (which you use even if you are actually not listening to music or the gossip in some regional language that would require more of your energy than you would require at your work place), all seem to be so beautiful. But a glance at the lady and what would you do then? Is it like you would continue looking at the other side of the window and keep yourself busy in your irrelevant thoughts or try and catch another glance of her acting as if the view on the other side of the window is greener? Now, many would answer saying No! They would not get affected at all and would continue with their irrelevant stuff. I too would answer with a big NO had I been asked by any of my friends.

Let us try it and be a bit more truthful. Why then, when she gets down, you actually start again with your same old irrelevant thought process and wait for your stoppage eagerly which initially you thought should never come closer and the bus should keep on moving with the only hope that she gets down at your stoppage incidentally.

Anyways, that’s a take from my today’s experience. But somehow writing this post was actually initiated by another thought. It was in the bus itself when it struck me to write down these words. In fact every word and sentence was framed while in the bus. I wish, I had a laptop (not a palm top or a blackberry’s carry your office with you just because its so uncomfortable to type things on their small keypad. How can one match his/her typing speed with the lightening speed of own thoughts? Sometimes it even gets tougher to manage to get everything typed with a laptop) every time along with me and I could write down each and everything that I wanted to. But conditions apply too. The laptop should be lighter and not a problem to carry everywhere. What about a memory card within your brain which could capture the things that you want to save for the later period? I won’t mind if I had to type it down when I get a system. But I should be able to get back every little thing that I wished to write in form of a cached thought. Seems like Abhisek has gone nuts and is over tech savvy these days while working with the WEB2.0 (would definitely come with a post on this someday, but not sure how soon…don’t expect me to write down as soon as possible since I m not that interested to explain to the world about the new technologies which could be found even without click of a mouse…how? One can use a joystick or a keyboard or even the newer versions of laser tip tops…sorry if it was too much :D ) and all that crap which was never required even during the most advanced Indus Valley Civilization. Well, you electronics and Biotech guys whoever is reading this please think of something which could solve my problem, and yeah be quick enough to achieve this before I die. And of course don’t forget to put my name as the brain child for your research. That would definitely be a tribute to my idea even though I wont ask for a royalty having copied my idea.

Ah! I have not even come to the sole point which I intended to write. Well, I wanted to dedicate this post to all those people who came into my life at some point of time, who influenced me, brought about a visible change (okay..not visible to all though but visible to me at least…dats why its intangibleabhisek), affected me, promised to stand by me at every step of mine whatsoever may be the circumstance and finally are no more in my life.( courtesy : lack of time, busy schedule, lost phone number, change of location and of course leaving without saying a bye) I know, I would never be back with those people individually. But somewhere I imagined how life would have been had these people still been there with me. What could have been the further changes in me? How would have they reacted to every thing around me and eventually how would I have conceived the never changing circumstances.

Finally I would like to wind up this as soon as possible else I would again get complain that my posts are pretty long and take too much of time to write. Sorry if this also seemed to be long. But I can’t write shorter. But I can always try to make it “short and short” nothing more than that.

Catch all of you later very soon (again I don’t know how soon but definitely it would be soon enough).

NB1: sorry for the inconvenience caused for all those extra bracketed texts.

NB2: no offence meant to anyone alive or dead and any resemblance to anyone around please get in touch with me. Wanna meet you soon [I mean asap (as soon as possible, bad habit gathered at office)].

Missing Stars

The best feeling ever!! What can it be??

Being in love? Being with the person you always wanted to be with?
Going to moon or is it driving the costliest car on the surface of the earth? Is it Lamborghini?
what else can it be ? Looking at the world, there could be zillions of things which could make you feel on the top of the world. That’s the feeling. The feeling of driving the best car, having a dream job as i read on a blog which talked about Dream Job, Dream Body and Dream Relationship. But all that makes you feel best and which you think to be the ultimate goal, doesn't stay long. Doesn't it appear really weird? It’s that particular moment, may be a fraction of a second or may be few minutes hours or days. But ultimately, that happiness, that joyous moment fades away. It was a good thought that one needs to maintain that state with the same effort that one makes to achieve it.
Perfect view point. I too agree with it.

There has always been a time when one wonders if he/she could get back to those moments and cherish it forever. The longing to get back always stays. And in a process one starts missing those events, those circumstances. It may be that you are the one who is detached from that system physically or may be that complete system or event or circumstance whatever you say has ended. One keeps on wondering with all ifs and buts. But life is not about these ifs and buts "but" it's all about the facts and guts. Guts to accept the facts of life. It may be sooner or later, but one has to accept the fact.

Anyways coming back to the "best feeling ever", I suppose by now you would have given a thought over it. Believe me; it was really tough for me to decide what this feeling must be. What it is that would make me feel the best? For me - Knowing that you are being missed by your own people makes you feel the best. I may miss many in turn, I may always want to be a part of them, I may wonder if I could be a part of all that I left behind. You let people know that you miss them, you miss being a part of their life. It makes them feel good. But, back there, whether they too feel the same, whether they miss your presence, makes you think twice over your own thoughts. But, guess what, someone calls you and says, "Hey Dude, we have been meeting every day for lunch together. You remember the way we always used to have, which had slowly turned into a dream for all of us because of our busy schedule and changing priorities? Yes, we are back again and we take out time to be together at least for an hour during the lunch. And you know what, we were missing you and we wished if you could be with us out here!!"

That’s the feeling. That’s it Boss! It makes me feel on the top of the world. Well, it’s been more than a year that our ITP days got over. We are no more ITPians. A new batch of fresh blood has come in. The new ITP batch. Every time you look at them, either in the corridor, or at the training rooms or at the canteen or even with their new posts at tech mate(Tech Mahindra's best portal so far), you would feel the same freshness, enthusiasm, the joy, the excitement that we had last year.

We too started off with the same colourful manner with hopes and promises to keep. My first post at techmate always gets a read every time I remember those days. But somewhere we all lost ourselves in the rat race. Don't blame the situation or the work load. I suppose we were even busier and disturbed during the ITP training, tests, re-tests and with the fear of being sacked. But then we fought together, we hit it hard and fired with all cylinders. The common thing being we were 'WE'. But then slowly things changed, we lost the grab, we started taking lunch at our own convenience, we started losing the hold of our hands. We shifted our gears on the fast track unaware of the fatal accident that we may face. We did face it! But we accepted it and moved on saying it to be LIFE. But never did we look back and check where we changed our priorities.
But after more than a year, we are back. Some have been relocated to different places, some are still at the same place and some are still busy enough to send a good morning mail. But, like I had the best feeling ever, can everyone out here get the opportunity to feel the same?? Yes we need to get back. Get back with the same feeling.

Now I don't have to be sad or feel bad that I am not a part of all of them during lunch, I may be still taking lunch all alone. But I am not sad. I feel good for the fact that I'm still among them. They all "MISS ME". They are missing the "STAR". Its not that I'm a star or I was something different. I was one among them and I am still one among them even today. Don't have any idea when we all would be together again, but its for sure that the day I meet even one of them, I know, I would feel the same being one among them.

School Days

[This piece of fiction connects to the days which every individual loves to get back to. The days we always cherish and the incidents which now may appear to be trivial were of the most matured events for us at the beginning of adolescence. Here is an attempt to step back and have a look at the very similar events which we too have experienced at some point of time. The School Days! ]

She looked like an angel. Their eyes met and she gave him a usual smile that had made his heart skip its beat years ago. He neither expected the smile nor did he expect skip of a beat. No doubt he had his excitement to see her after 7 long years. That’s what brought him to the reunion party of his batch at school. He had never attended this event all these years. But this time the reason was quite obvious.
She was getting married next year. This would be her last visit for the reunion. She has never missed a single reunion party after school got over. But this time she didn’t want to attend it. A strange feeling crossed her mind. It was in the morning 9.30 that she realized. She had to reach school by 11am. But this strange feeling of anxiety made her a bit reluctant. Did she hear Ravi saying the other day that Abhinav was coming for this reunion for the first time? But why then is he flying from London only for this event while he never came for the reunions earlier when he was in the same place?
It was after pretty long time that Abhinav was back from office at 8pm. The last whole year had been truly over scheduled. Having got a chance to prove himself, he didn’t wish to let it go this time. It’s been quite hectic for him but he loved to over stress himself. Not because he liked it but he believed in keeping himself so busy that he had no time for other thoughts to cross his mind which he was afraid of. He just wanted to let go off the past. His only belief that he should be busy enough to have no time left through out the day made him work harder and when it came to the end of the day, only thing that his mortal body looked for was a place to lie down in the arms of stress. Lying on the bed he just remembered how busy he had been since he left college. But what went wrong? Why was he so busy? What for? Queries uncountable crossed his mind suddenly. The feeling of restlessness took him to the huge windowpane. He could feel the cold through the glass pane. London looked spectacular from the 22nd floor of his apartment. As he slid the window, a gust of wind kissed him making his specs go blurred. It even made the survival of the warm flame difficult at the fire place. But this didn’t move him. He was lost in thoughts of the chat that he had with Nilima two hours back.
She was late. She finally decided to attend the party. It was her last visit and she didn’t want to miss the opportunity to meet all her old pals for the last time. After all they were the people who had stood alongside her during the thick and thin times of these 7 years. Not to forget the worst phase of life after school. She reached late and it was a delight for everyone to see her. There were those smiling faces and big laughs over the childhood days. Sitting under the big Mango tree they all discussed those childish acts of theirs. Those small fights and big pranks had become memorable for everyone who was part of it. Behind every small thing that they discussed there lived some good old memories which could easily bring out tears in the smiling faces at regular intervals. For Rajni it was a treat to be there and be a part of such a batch which was one of the best ones in the school so far. But her eyes were searching for someone. She knew he would be there. Ravi would not lie to her for any reason. But she wondered why she was anxious.
Abhinav arrived but he was late, for his car broke down on the way. But everyone was really feeling great meeting him after 7 long years. They knew he would be there this time and somewhere everybody thought he had changed a lot since he left. No calls and contact from his side had made everybody think that he was no more their same Abhinav. But meeting him, these all doubts were cleared when they saw the same old shy and charming Abhinav. It was just that he had grown tall with a wide smile that he rarely used to have. Someone said "Hey Abhi, you needn’t stand in front of the queue anymore during the assembly!!" That made everyone burst out laughing. Even Rajni did have a good laugh and when everyone went together for the lunch their eyes met and she had the same smile. How could he forget the smile that had drawn many guys of the school to woo her from the same batch as well as the seniors?
As everybody went ahead with the lunch and chit chats of the most memorable days, Abhinav chose to go around the school and firstly to the room where he had completed his grade X. As he moved along the corridor every thing flashed back. Though it had been 7 long years that he visited his school but that was not big enough for his memories to be blurred. He could remember his first day in school. He, in his 6th grade had to shift school for his dad’s transferable job. Though he never wished to change his school but there was nothing he could do about it. He had to come along leaving behind the past. When he crossed the principal’s room he remembered how he was assigned his class as VI-A and his roll number as 16. That was his identity for his day to start. The heavy new bag, full of new books were heavy enough for him to carry. He had no excitement but a fear while he was escorted to his classroom by the attendant who ruthlessly showed him his classroom and informed the teacher about the new student with roll number 16. He wondered what his parents would do after going back to their new home from the principal’s room. He wished he could join them and be a part of all the fun of unloading and of course settling of things. For him, who was a child of age 11, it was all fun to run around with his new BMW car (of course playing loudest horns even if there was nothing to stop his car) in the magical flat which was actually speaking whatever he spoke. This thought brought about a big smile on Abhinav’s face on his own innocence. Looking back at the principal’s room he moved along to take the stairs to the first floor.
Every step that he took gave him millions of memories and he could feel the excitement now, which he never had on his first day. He kept on smiling like a crazy person. His smile had by then turned into an open hearted laughter when he realized that it was after such a long time that he himself couldn’t make out how long was it. As it was winter vacation for the students, there was no one in the school except him and his batch mates. He had never seen school to be so silent and lonely. His laughter slowly died out as he passed through VI-A. He could see through the glass pane the first bench near the door where he sat for next one year after he was left all alone by that rude attendant at the hands of some brutal lady who perhaps seemed to be the strictest teacher in the school. Well, by the time he could imagine all the fun at home, roll call had started and he started to pay attention when it reached roll no 9, 10 and 11. Just a halt and suddenly he heard someone say ‘dude…enough of sight seeing…come and have your lunch…we are having loads of fun and of course girls are missing u a lot…where are u lost yaar?’ ‘Just a few minutes bro…I’ll be right back..carry on and I promise I would join you people in no time..and yeah thanks for the news about all the girls ;)" , he said. Just then, he saw Rajni in the ground floor. Ignoring her and trying to get back to his sweet memories he moved ahead.
Rajni, who had been to school every year and even more than once a year during these seven years, could actually understand what must have been going through Abhinav’s mind. She could feel the pain in his heart. His reasons for not coming to school after he left no one knew but it was she who had known everything though he hadn’t even contacted her after that. Just that she had known Abhinav since the day he came to school, Rajni knew him very well. Though she had visited school quite regularly in the past but she too was quite nostalgic about her days in school. She was nervous about her new life that was going to begin. There were these other things which didn’t actually keep her connected to the discussions around her. Everybody by now had actually got down from the mode of fun and frolic. Everyone was having their lunch and topics regarding school days had started. People were discussing all the happenings, their experiences of life after school, their new friends, new relationships, the new people they met and how they were moving ahead with the fast paced life. Then there were talks of few people who had already got married and those who couldn’t make it to the event for their personal constraints. There were innumerable talks on various topics which covered everything under the sky including politics and the new generation people. The mood was set for a good time for the whole day. It had been really fun and fantabulous for everyone.
But, on the other hand seriously immersed in his own thoughts and childhood memories, Abhinav walked along and passed by all the class rooms, sports room, staff room, store room, labs where he had spent years of his childhood, his uninterrupted days of fun with his playful friends his lovable teachers who gradually became his best teachers of the lifetime. Ticking of each second in the watch gave him bliss and never ending happiness. He wished if time could halt and he would have another chance to relive his school life. He wondered why every grade he studied was of only one year duration. Why not two or more? He had moved into his childhood innocence and finally when he reached his class X-A, it was all volatile. He was in some other world of his own. He didn’t know what he was trying to do. Where he was heading to? It meant no sense. He just wanted to be there and feel the days which were the last days of his school life. He knew its importance because it was his 10th grade that changed his life significantly though not completely as he had thought when he was in his adolescent. He stood there in front of the door and helped himself in. That was the room where he had lived the best days of his life. He was facing his past in this beautiful set up once more. He moved across the green board through all the desks and benches observing closely each and everything as if he was going through the past itself. He could identify his seat. Moving his hands across the desk, he slowly sat down getting all his nerves under control.
He was lost in his world when he could hear sound of foot steps drawing closer to the room and he could see Rajni standing at the door. Before he could speak anything Rajni walked slowly into the room and he looked with astonishment.
‘Hi Abhi…How are u??’ ‘I’m fine…but how come you are here?’ he reverted back in a hurry.
‘Yes Abhi I know, you must be surprised to see me here and supposedly it’s after such a long time that we are meeting for which you could forget that we are still friends and you didn’t…’
Abhinav interrupted her and said ‘Look Raj, I don’t want to discuss what I have left behind in the past. But anyways, heard you are getting married. Congratulations!’ He was surprised to have asked this question by himself. He was trying to make her comfortable and change the topic but he realized that he had made it worse.
‘Thanks and yeah I’m getting married this March.’, she said and could not look into his face. Turning her head away she started ‘Yeah, his name is Sekhar and he is a businessman in Mumbai. It’s an arranged marriage!!’
Though Abhinav had every detail of it before he reached in Pune, but he didn’t let her know about it. ‘Oh!! wow…that’s great…I hope you are happy with your parents’ decision and you are looking forward to it.’ ‘Of course yes Abhi and being my best friend you can definitely understand my circumstances.’ This sounded like a shock for Abhinav. He couldn’t believe what his ears were hearing. Best Friends was something which he had again never expected.
The first day at school, he had seen the most bubbly, naughty girl during the roll call when she had responded to 11. As the days had passed by, Abhinav had found it tough to connect to his new school. Though he had started interacting with few students, but he still didn’t have the greatest of times. It was then that he had got a new friend named Rajni whose sweet and cute smile had always made him feel good about their friendship which had blossomed quickly into a very strong bond between them. He always considered Rajni as his best friend but he was not sure of the same from the other side.
‘Hey Abhi, are you here???’ ‘Yups’, breaking from the thoughts he said. As he looked into her eyes, she could not keep her calm. She burst into tears as if these were held since long for this moment. Abhinav was awestruck with this and tried to console her for what had happened. But again he could not do anything because he himself was in tears as he knew he was facing his past in his present. He had to do so and he was prepared for it. But he never knew that he would fall weak. In all this, Rajni who had lost her control tried to regain herself and spoke.
‘Abhi, I would like to say sorry for everything that I have done in the past. I know you would never forgive me for that but I am guilty of everything. I know that you always considered me as your best friend. But I had never realized it before. I should not have hurt your emotions.’
Now Abhinav broke free and asked ‘Then why did you do that Raj…why? Why did you accept my love when you knew you had no feelings of that sort? Was it all fake when you went for my proposal in 10th? Oh! God…what a fool I was. I understand that it was too childish at that moment but how could you not think once when you had no feelings for me? You could have said me the truth that you and Subhasis liked each other. Subu was my best friend yaar…how could you both think that I won’t understand?’
‘Yeah, your anger is justified Abhi, but Subu never wanted to hurt your emotions and thus he never said me about his feelings too. And more over as you know, we were very good friends as you and I. After he came to know about your feelings for me and your proposal to me, he had asked me not to break his best friend’s heart. If you remember Abhi, initially I had not said a yes to you because I never had such feelings for you. But it was your best friend and also my best friend Subu who was ready to make the sacrifice keeping everyone in dark. On his conviction that I can always trust you with your feelings and compulsion that I too had the same feelings for you which I was unaware of made me think twice for you. I tried to create feelings and thus I had agreed with Subu to go with your emotions. Abhinav I know it would hurt you but truly speaking I had no feelings for you whatsoever. But hurting you was never my intention. What I didn’t want to lose is your friendship. I didn’t want that shy, charming new comer of our class to lose himself like the time when he had come to our school. I always knew that you were very truthful with your emotions and therefore I tried to love you from the core of my heart. But during those three months of our getting together, I came to know about Subu’s sacrifice. My kinder garden friend, who had been there for me every time, was losing his own control. He was completely lost and I could see love in his eyes which he always hid from me. But how could I let go of my own emotions for him as well. Deep down me too liked roll number 9 very much. I had always required Subu in anything I wanted. This realization of my feelings made me guilty. I didn’t want to hurt you in anyway. Therefore I had decided to break up with you. But I didn’t have the guts to tell you all this at that time. I was hurt myself and wanted to make everything right. I could not help you either in this matter because Abhinav what I knew was that you too loved me as much I loved Subu. As I said I had no intention to hurt you, so I kept myself away from you thinking you might get over these feelings finding me not worth. But by the time passed in 10th grade, Subu and I had already come to know about each others feelings. At this, I know you were hurt the most and there were misunderstandings between you and Subu as well. He also was hurt for this and wanted to make everything clear. Remember Abhi, after 10th when you had come for our first reunion party and on the New Year day Subu had said you that he wanted to say you something? This was all he wanted to say but he couldn’t. He was afraid that may be he would lose your newly regained friendship. Thus he kept quiet. He had said that he would say it all to you someday very soon in the near future but he hardly knew that he was left with only few days after that.’ She burst out saying this and Abhinav was also in tears since long as he had been hearing every word of Rajni. He tried to control himself but he was in complete shock. Yes, he knew about Subhasis’s accident that became the most tragic day of his and everyone’s life. It was then that he had moved to Delhi and he could not even come for the last rituals. But after that he had never come back for any reunion and he had never understood Rajni. He had always misunderstood Rajni. But hearing all this, his soul melted down like a candle burning himself deep within. He was in complete distress. The agony that he had been in, since 7 years, got converted into tears. He cried like a child. Before he could speak anything Rajni continued with tears rolling down her eyes and her voice choking with every word. But she had to speak up. Because even silence can be deceptive! She continued to speak out, for you may never get a chance to speak what you feel, ever again.
‘Abhinav, I just wanted to tell you these things because somewhere I feel guilty for everything that has happened. May be God has punished me by taking my Subu away from me, for all that I had done to you in the past. I had never thought this could be my fate. I am really sorry for hurting you and your emotions. I never had any intention to hurt you but this is how everything had turned out to be.’
Now Abhinav had controlled himself and tried to interrupt Rajni. Tears were still rolling down his eyes but he could realize what would be going through Rajni. Regaining himself he said, ‘Rajni, you need not be sorry for anything. There was no fault of yours. If I look at everything closely then it is you who has gone through all the pain. It is you who has lost the most. It is you who was in all dilemmas. You know Raj, after I came to know about your and Subu’s emotions, I never wanted to hurt two of my best friends. I never knew how much I matter in your lives but you two had always been the most important part of my life. My life in school had found new meaning for you two only. It was that tragic incident that I had decided to leave my past behind. But this time, I got to know about your marriage and I was really happy to know that you have left the past behind. Raj, I just wanted to congratulate you for this and I wish you to be happy. Sometimes, you need to forget the past and think 'jo hota hai ache ke liye hota hai'. You can either be a whimp or a warrior. I have always seen you as a warrior who was never moved by any setback. I want you to get up and be bold enough to face the world. And please don’t worry about me, because I am very happy the way life has taken me. I request you not to feel guilty about anything and not to think that you have ever hurt me. Can friends hurt each other? Aren’t we a reason to smile for each other? You have always been a great friend and will always be one for me. Anyways tell me how your Mr.Smart is and yeah keep your tears in store for your marriage dear.’ Hearing this Rajni smiled back and with tears still in her eyes flowing down with a single motive to lose their identity once they move through her face. Abhinav wiped off her tears, and asked her to go ahead and live the new beginning of her life.
As they looked out through the window pane of the classroom they realized that it had started becoming dark and dusk was fast approaching. They got up from their small seats, where they had those memorable days and walked towards the door. As they moved forward and reached the door, Abhinav looked back at the whole room and felt a sigh of relief and took a deep breath with closed eyes thanking it to have given him the best days of his life. He felt himself to have given away with all anger, agony and frustration. He could feel a new beginning to his life exactly like the last day in school when he had a beginning to his life while leaving it. But this time he could realize how years have passed by.
As they both walked down stairs to join their other friends, Rajni congratulated Abhinav for all his achievements and success over these seven years and asked him to get himself a beautiful wife and be settled. Abhinav had smiled back and without regret agreed and said a big yes. They both reached where their other friends had settled down and without notice got themselves back into their group.
With not much questions, others too realizing the situation, got along with their fun and Abhinav also decided to come back for every reunion party in the future. He felt the beauty of childhood relationships which are more strongly bonded than the ones that we create or get later on in our lives. He had this realization that school days were the best days of his life however good or bad experiences it had brought with it. But school days are the building blocks to any person’s life.
School Days…School Days….School Days !!!!!!!!!

Oh! Calcutta

Seems like its been a decade that I have written !
Oh! What a feeling!
I come back and as always the world around me is sleeping and the wait is for a new sunrise and a new beginning into every sleeping eye. But, I have been scrolling through my memory lane with the best of my knowledge. Why then had i clicked each moment of my past ? I just realized what i always used to do was for today. Getting back to this platform to write again had never crossed my mind. I had always believed that I would resume writing only after I get back to Kolkata. Oh!! Did I say Kolkata and did you read the same?Of course yes!
Again and again my last few posts have always spoken of Kolkata, rather I would prefer to say Calcutta. Thus, many people have come up and asked me why Calcutta even when I am not originally from this place and I even don't have my home there and I have never lived there for more than even half of a year!! This really makes me think twice to answer them. Not because I don't want to but because I seriously don't know that Big 'WHY'. Poeple say I am crazy and I accept it for there is nothing wrong. Yes I am mad for this place and rather I should say obsessed with this place. But some how I too understand I have no specfic reason for all this obsession. But again, now I have realised the reason why I always want to get back to this place keeping everything at stake of my life.
Its the place itself, the people, the dhakki, the idols, the pujo, the rickshaw, the bright yellow taxis, the broken canals, the muddy roads of the rain( those who don't know me in and out would definitely be amazed to know how much I hate muddy roads with water logging of even the slightest kind), of course the water logged Kolkata rain, the food, the people again and lastly the first experience of this place which remains ever lasting due to some amazing 6 days in Oct 2006. Its a different story altogether. This post could have become the continuation of the saga of tales that I had in my blog in my early writing days. I had initially thought of this idea to complete the task left undone in 2006. But for the people who have never gone through the earlier posts would never relate to the events or even to the characters mentioned in the previous posts. So i prefer to keep that personal for some other occasion.
Getting back to what I intended to share, I would throw a bit of light on my whole perception of Kolkata.
Way back in July,2006 we were placed in our campus and were having the best times of our college days. Thanks to a gang of like minded monsters who knew how to screw it after the hard work that was put in to get placed in for the future career. All was set for the big stage to host the biggest journey called life-after-college. The motto of life prior to that event to take place was to ENJOY! Future for me was quite expected. Life had to begin at Kolkata in either CTS or TechM in July,2007(that was a big question mark for me until i realised I joined TechM finally :D). So as to achieve our motto and of course the intention to see the place which would in future be a hell for me took me to Calcutta. Courtesy one of my friends who invited three of us to visit Kolkata during Puja in October. For those who don't know what Puja is let me inform you that Puja is actually Pujo, the biggest festival celebrated in Kolkata for the victory of good over evil by Maa Durga. Without much of planning we reached Kolkata. Unexpectedly the trip was awesome and I got to see the best of Kolkata. And to tell you the truth, my friend's hospitality reflected in the whole of Kolkata. Pandal hopping, shopping, night outs and visits to the best of the best places in kolkata made me familiar to the city of Joy. Unexpectedly, I got a great picture of Kolkata which I would have never got had I directly visited Kolkata for joining. The trip ended along with the end of my prior perception of Kolkata being very unruly and hell of a place.
Came July,2007. Final destination Kolkata! Or should I again correct myself by saying Calcutta. Why do I always correct myself for this ? Well, for me Calcutta was the experience of my college time visit. And Kolkata was my joining location! But before joining, there had been another visit to Kolkata as well which ended up being another hell of an experience. I mean these visits always became one of the best parts of my life. Having had two great experiences with Calcutta, I always expected Kolkata(the place of joining location) to turn out to be Calcutta( the place of Lovely memories of the past). But, as always, we rarely come upto our own expectation level. Leave apart expecting a place to come upto its level. Started off with big blows and real bad time. But as my sub concious mind was already prepared for it since I had a wrong perception of this place. So, it didn't take me long to accept and I along with my roommates could come over it. Then i realised life can always throw an exception. But during this hard time at Kolkata, I suddenly felt the conversion of Kolkata to Calcutta for me. Just because I could see and learn a lot about life which also became the best part of my life as a memory. We had started staying in the same 1BHK flat where we had stayed for the visit to Calcutta in 2006. Things changed for me thereafter.
By the time I left Calcutta, it had already become just like heaven for me. Though I never got a chance to stay during Puja in 2007 or visit the places or the people who had become a strong part of my memory during my first visit in 2006, but they always remain to be at the safest part of my memory lane. Getting back to Kolkata never meant getting back to a place. For me its always getting back to Calcutta feeling, just like heaven. No doubt, I created some fabulous memories during my stay in 2007 as well. That also became another reason for me to speak of Calcutta. Never ever did I think in my wildest dreams that Kolkata would become one of my biggest obsessions in life. Its just that I don't want to feel guilty about my biggest regret of my life. I just don't want to live with the biggest regret of my life forever.
I want to get back, to rewrite some more pages, undo few mistakes and come off the regret.
Can I ever go Back Oh Calcutta!!

How am I feeling today ?

Probably the last winter was the longest of all of them that i have witnessed in my whole life time. Generally winters have always been shorter for me because from childhood its been a tradition to prepare for exams during the winter. And during exams even long winters appeared to be too short just because we didnt have enough time to prepare for the exams. But this time it was something different. The winter had no such urgency to pass by. No exam fevers and no urgency. No deadlines and no work. Life had come to a stand still with loads of uncertainity with it.

For me getting back to blogging was a dream. its after this long winter hibernation that I am back to write down with blank mind. Its after those beautiful days at Kolkata that I am eagerly willing to write down with all my feelings on the blogspot platform. Whatever posts have come recently, have always come with a preoccupied thought or an intention to write on a particular thought.

Anyways lets start it now.

Lot of water has gone under the bridge in these few months. Transition from Kolkata life to Pune life was the most toughest job on my part. Somehow I am still in the process of trasition and would probably fail to completely do so. Efforts have always gone to take a release right from the beginning. But it has not yet materialised. Recently rays of hope appeared like a mirage and supposedly I am still under the same mirage effect expecting a release. Waiting for it desparately to fly back like a free bird. Feels like a lost bird searching for his homeland. It would definitely be a battle won when I get the release.

But somehow at work I have learnt a lot of things. Not technical stuff (though I can't deny that also) but the primary thing that I learnt here at work is Professionalism in IT Industry. The things that I learnt are -

1. How to write a short mail or even make it shortest.

2. Whom to mail and when.

3. How to play with To and Cc option.(Most important thing to have learnt that every professional must know how to handle and i suppose i have mastered this skill)

4. Never to use Bcc in office.

5. How to take con calls

6. What to speak and what not to speak on a call (though i am still in a learning phase for this case)

7. How to sip coffee during con calls.

8. How to handle issues. (not technical ones though)

9. How to keep smiling all the time and keep the anger under control.

10. How to reply to personal mails and keep chatting through mails even when u r dead busy.

11. Skill to use reply to all option in personal mails also.

12. How to bunk office as well.(greatest skill set aquired while on bench)

Look there are a dozen of things that i have learnt. Wanna learn what professional life is and how to handle it come to Pune. City of professionalism.

Spending the whole day inside my room and skipping prepared hot lunch may sound too strange. But yes, I didnt feel like. Reason not very sure. Well it was for the first time at Pune that I was there at home during the afternoon time on a holiday. At Kolkata we generally took not-so-deliciously-prepared-lunch-of-masi together on holidays at home. But today I wanted to be a share holder of that lunch once again. The worst part is when i start comparing everything with kolkata and then i am the worst. Not realising life can never be the same again.

Suffering from fever and mild cold, I preferred to stay indoor and take rest. Though I had no plans to do what I did the whole day, but definitely it helped me a lot. Did quite a lot of orkutting, logged into Yahoo Messenger and Gmail at a time and that too had a few chats. The feeling of getting back to old netting days came and went before I could restore it for long. Bit of self introspection and reliving the past memories. Albums, slambooks and few old songs that used to play every now and then on my media player were all removed out of dust. Giving life to few of relationships which also had gone into hibernation. Talks with Partha, Jyoti and Nammo for the time being could make me feel at home. Those college going guy's feeling and of course the unprofessional talks made the day.

Henceforth will try to keep track of few of the things -

1. Revive contacts with few lost friends like Himanshu, Pallavi and Swati being the first on the list.

2. Getting back to net life.( not the intranet life at office though)

3. Revive my own blogging spirit.

4. Keep up with my passion with radio which I had developed at Kolkata...luckily 92.7 here at Pune is now available and also up to the mark with respect to the other useless stations.

At the end of it all, feeling like a small balloon try to rise against the heavy load of the work pressure. Being connected with the passion and life that has always been a part of you is something very satisfying and heart warming.

Expecting the coming month to be a exciting one for quite a few reasons. Firstly Manish would be shifting to my flat for a month. Definitely that would be fun and may be my desire to go back to Kolkata would keep making me more desparate and broken with each effort going into waters while expecting a release. Secondly, the Malaysia trip for which I had been working hard since October which has finally materialized. A week of excitement and learning as well. Hoping to see some expectations getting fulfilled in that sense as well.

Few expectations which have never materialized till now would definitely keep haunting me though. Expectations from people without whom my life seems to be incomplete. There are few who are part of life and there are few without whom life can never be complete. Struggling to identify them and when it comes to expectations, I would prefer taking another day to come on that. May be I would be back tomorrow itself in my urge to being connected to my passion of writing.

Take Care

He kept on looking at the steps, down to ground floor through the 2nd which she took to get out of sight of him; wondered she would turn back and look at him as in movies. But it wasn’t any movie and there was no background music playing behind all this. She had left.

He realized this as one of his friends patted him on the back to find him with drooping eyes and heavy heart. It was quite very natural though. There were people who hugged him, patted him and wished him good luck for the future.

But these all couldn’t bring him back from the thoughts of her wet eyes, the way she tried to hold them back trying not to be quite obvious. Clearing her throat she had said “All the best Apurv, Apna khayal rakhna, Take Care, Bye” “You too take care and miss you and miss your…” he had stopped.

“Miss You!! She would not have gone far away as she would have to walk up to the next circle to get a cab”.
He could hear these words. He wasn’t sure if it was his inner voice or someone else saying this. That didn’t matter much to him at that moment. He just didn’t want to lose those last few moments. He started being nostalgic. He wanted to take the last glimpses of her to preserve them till the next time when they meet (which was never in the near future).

He moved through the stair case from 3rd to ground floor with just few long jumps. It wasn’t that tough for him to take the stairs this time unlike the other days when he had thought it to be really tough when she had always insisted on preferring the stairs to the lift. As he increased his pace to move faster, he couldn’t stop the first drop of tear which he had held in the eyes since she left. Now, that was the moment when he felt how wrong he was.

The very next day evening he had his flight which would take him to yet another completely new world which he had chosen for himself. Till now, he knew “Change is the only constant”. He believed it and did it. But was puzzled why this single drop made him think that it was the biggest regret of his life? Why is he now having second thoughts regarding his decision to go abroad for his MBA, which he earned for his family and himself? Is he being kiddish and trying to prove to be a true sentimentalist?

These all came rambling faster than the pace of his ever increasing heart beat which had missed innumerable number of times as he got closer to her. He could hear his own heart beat thumping against his chest.

“Did she really mean when she said Take Care?”
“Didn’t she want to say anything more?”
“Won’t she miss me?”
“Take Care of those memories, those words and our friendship. Did she mean all that with those two words?” He was confused and wished to ask her about this.

The distance between both of them had started growing. He had slowed down. He stopped. He could see her walking down the road towards the circle. The circle wasn’t visible to him, but he had walked along with her to that place on the same right side of the road, she on his right. Six months back they both walked in that stormy dark night to catch the uncertain cab. Everything flashed before him like a movie.

He stood there firmly watching her slowly walk away from his life. He knew getting back to her was impractical. They would never be the same again. He couldn’t dare to move his eyes off her. She didn’t turn back as expected. But he wondered “Was she so special to me or am I afraid not to find some second person to fight with.”

He realized by then that he had compromised his life for his career. He knew where he stood and walked turning his back to her knowing that it was too late to change his decision. It was time to wipe off his face and let life play its role. He had just one thing to do – “Take Care”

Being Lonely

Being surrounded by friends, family, colleagues and strangers makes an impression that we are quite well off in life. Having everyone around and hanging around with friends at shopping malls and watching a movie does make us feel involved. We enjoy, chat, and have the moments which we cherish for lifetime.

But sometimes questions arise in the mind about our own self. Is this what we always want from life?

Sometimes this thought haunts me more than anything else. What is it that we live for? When we don't have a mission in life and we don't know where we are heading to we feel lost. Lost in the wild woods. We may be surrounded by hundreds people and life must be real fast and busy but still we would find something wanting. The loneliness prevails. Being lonely does not mean being alone. People misunderstand the word lonely and alone. You may be alone but you may not be lonely but even if you are not alone you might always stand a chance of being lonely.

There seems to be complete void and you fail to relate to anyone around you. Nothing seems to of your kind. No one seems to understand. Not even you yourself. Deep within your soul you thrive for something which makes the heart restless and mind unstable. Then you would like to settle down and be with yourself and prefer to be alone to introspect. This may sound spiritual or philosophical but this is exactly what occurs to each one of us.

Loneliness then becomes a part of life. What exactly you feel is your hunger for the future and thirst for the past. Life gets tough and hard to lead. The best way to overcome such circumstances is to confront a trusted friend of yours who listens to your problems. It may seem that there isn't any problem but when you speak out your hidden desires, ambitions, dreams and let your emotions vent it feels great. Sharing emotions and knowing that the other person exactly understands what one wants to convey, sets everything right. The sigh of relief from the heart can be felt.
There is no solution to loneliness but tenderness and soft feelings of words does make a difference.

ITP

The first day seems to be so far from now.Its all past now and gone into the pages of history.But it would never fade away from the memory of all the ITPians for their rest of the life.

As I moved into the class only one thing that I identified was only me and me. All unknown faces around made me feel lost in the crowd. It was all very exciting though !

Days passed by and the programmer seemed to be so long and never ending. But today we have reached the end of it and I can definitely say that life of each one of us has taken a drastic turn. Twists and turns make it appear so interesting but going through all that was never easy.

Few faces that weren't familiar enough have now left impression for lifetime. Few voices which were never heard would always keep ringing and the ears would wait desparately to hear from them which isn't quite possible in the future. 30 students and one class, not all known to me but yes they are now some part of life. Recreating this life is never possible again.

Working together for two months was never a long period to know everyone perfectly. but was not too short enough to capture them in the heart !!

There won't be those fights with the person who came up as a big surprise like a gust of wind loud and clear banging into the ears. I was taken by surprise and instantly we went along to be known for our mischievious arguments and leg pulling. Enjoying all that was really a good experience to carry along to the future.

At this point when i sit in the class (supposedly the last formal day of technical training) how can I forget those coffee breaks and lunch breaks. Those were the peak hours of masti and enjoyment. Back to days where we worked long hours in the night. Quite a different experience with lots of interaction with people with whom I would have never known without working long. Sundays and saturndays being weekends never stopped us from coming to office. Thinking of those days, I just cherish those moments of enthrwall and frolick.

Few great friends coming up to make a good bond for the future were never far off in being close to heart. Mention of those names would not be a fault in any case -
Vinay, Chetan, Sutapa, Premjit, Manish, Bijeta, Swagatika, Afsana, Sana, Jyoti, Tanushri, Priya, Sandeep, Tintin, Rudra, Suman, Nishant and Sumit.
All these people would be there in the heart and mind even though we would move ahead in different directions and may not get next chance to be together again.

ITP might end, but life hasn't ended yet with high hopes and quite a lot of emotions attached with this event. Waiting to get another chance to be with one of them. Wit crossed fingers(not for peace tough ;) ) , I wish everyone get through and makes it big in their own way.

Three cheers ....for ITP !!

Crossed Fingers

Crossed Fingers – Not of any importance to anyone other than me. It may represent something else to others. But for me it’s Peace. Peace against fight, Peace for fun, Well I don’t know what it means and what I am up to out here. But yeah, I want those crossed fingers to open up and keep me on the firing line. Been ages; I have been on peace. Peace for all sounds so good. So satisfactory! Peace should prevail. But not of this kind within me. Though this is peace for some, but I am fighting yet another war within. War of minds., war of egos, war of thoughts. This fight with crossed fingers does not look good neither does it feel great. Open finger fights are any day better.

I just can’t keep myself in peace anymore. The fingers are still crossed and I feel like I am dead. These fingers have remained crossed and would remain crossed. No other option of having the opportunity to open my fingers and start fighting. Noting exists anymore!!

Being in peace for is similar to be dead. I want to start living. Start afresh someday and live my life with open fingers. Crossed fingers hurt.

I want to live again…
I want to live again…

I want to live.

I am not Dead

Way back to School Days

Songs from the yesteryear sometimes knock my head and just bring down everything just like a flash.

Heard to the songs of Mann after long time and suddenly many things flooded in. Last year at School is what i want to get back to. Heard to khushiyan aur gum for the first time at Chicku's home. Those evenings at her place would always be some of the best days. Remembering everything is so great. Feels like i am at her place having chit chats and waiting for sir to come. Those winter chilling evening when i used to go with dad to her place were never aware of where i would be after seven long years. Its just like yesterday. The study table, the text books, the chair, the TV in drawing room, aunty's hand made food, the idli,the dosa,the vada,Sipun's cycle,the Sofa,the gate to her home, the verhanda are so much familiar to me that i sometimes feel like going back and sit there and study my 10th once more. Knowing everything to be impossible and being practical is so different.

One of the most important things which we used to discuss during those days was whether we would be in contact after school or not. But somehow we have managed doing so in a great way. A single call to Chicku right after the song made me quite happy that we have made the impossible possible. Being in touch and remaining the same way as we were wasn't that easy but we have made it. Discussing everything that we did after seven years gives the satisfaction that we have lived each and every moment just so perfectly. Those walks to the tuition and coming back in the late evening and then finally waiting at her home for dad to pick me up are so fresh. So very cute.

Life has taken both of us in different paths and there is this situation where we are not aware of each others' life but still whenever we get in touch we are the same old friends. Talking to her is the same.

The second thing discussed during school days was about my first love. But it no more exists and i am finally out of it all. Chicku used to be so bothered when will i forget everything and move ahead to make a career of my own. And now I am well set and made my career. Cant say that i have made it big but all i can say that i have come a long way from where i was. Never ever in my dreams did i imagine that I would be writing this down even after seven years and i would be remembering everything so well. But that's what is the case.

These songs may not mean anything to others but they carry a lot of value in form of my memories. The first time i heard to that song and how it had touched me so much. Everything makes me nostalgic but again i am happy. A smile is the last thing that i can avoid while thinking of that. After all childhood is the best time in one's life.

I Still blv dat relationships Decay

Few months back I had posted something on Decaying of relationships.After that post there had been many discussions with different people and somewhere deep within i had felt that my thoughts were contradicting my own beliefs.

But circumstances do make me feel once again that i was correct with my belief. I can still reiterate my words and say that yes relationships decay.

Lost faith on strangers !

Why do i trust strangers so early ? Why do i keep repeating my own mistakes ? Why dont i realise the truths of the world ? why do i expect so much from others and finally why do i bother for others when they hardly care or realize?????????

questions whose answers i don't need to know. I know what i am and what can be done...no one can change me or the way i think and in the process i have been hurt quite often just because i trust them so much. But everyone in this world was a stranger when we walked in to the world but we made relationships and it was trust and faith which has been the ingredients of all these. Right from having faith in the person whom we didn't know and then slowly calling her mom , we have trusted each and everyone who has come across us. Still I have not been the best in taking decisions regarding people. Well that's my weakness. I sometimes need to open my eyes before i move ahead with my trust. But again why do people play with it when they know that someone cares ?

It was never friendship and I thought that I lost a Friend !

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Talked to Jimmy on AIR....had been really impressed with DIL SE and had been eager to talk to him. I just wanted to let him know that he has been doing a fabulous job. But I definitely wanted him to connect me to one of those persons whom I wanted to say sorry...but then it was too late (2.30am)and i didn't want that person to find another reason to be angry with me. But it was really good to talk to Jimmy and find a few good thoughts. The best thing that he said was "Be Yourself" and that has really boosted me up in being what I am.

Talking to him, I have somehow got this feeling of being an RJ. Its really interesting job. While talking to Jimmy I could feel the background sound and the environment. I just got this idea of trying hand at that too...but i need time to nurture this dream and who knows some day I land up doing what I always wanted to. All on destiny though....

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Pune or not ???

Puzzle solved...I would definitely try to go to Pune...Make all the efforts to get transferred to Pune...had been thinking over this since long and finally today i felt that i should make this move. The place which i had been loving initially has suddenly made me quite uncomfortable. Few unwanted events and I find no enthusiasm in staying back. The most important reason that I have found the environment to be cool no more exists. There always exists some disturbance within. Not capable of coping with it I would choose to opt out of Kolkata. Venture into the new life at Pune. I hope I get my posting at Pune. But now, all depends on my PSG Head and I have my fingers crossed for the time to come.

Fingers crossed somehow mean something else to me. It means ....anyways will come to that in some other post.

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Plans are made to be changed. Had planned to go to B'lore in Puja vacation to meet all friends.Even plans of mumbai and Pune from there was all set...but these all vanished like a Monday blue...cant take leave since my training would not have been over by then...that's ridiculous...damn training...what wud happen to the plans ?

what about my friends ?

wen will i meet them ?

Been quite nostalgic off late...those pics which had been locked in the DVD were opened and parsed through to let the memories come in and make it rain....was quite happy though...coz i was going to B'lore to meet all of them. But then all crashed and now its all in the dust and no plans as of now....

Pathetic life...