Figments of Imagination or Reflections of Reality

Sometimes I wonder what is a creation. Is it just the result of imagination or the reflection of something which we see in reality?

off late I have been doing only two things -


1. My regular job at work
2. Reading books


Reading books has got into me for sometime now. Surfing the net, checking mails, chatting, talking over phone and even watching TV have bored me to the limits. And when I'm talking about reading let me be specific with it. It has only been few love stories now, but probably I would shift my gears soon to something different. But for now its love stories which have hit me like a wave of the sea. Yet to complete the books in my to read list.


I am simply awed by the books that I have read recently. I would prefer not to compare them to each other in any way because every piece is a result of the author's creation. And when it's creation of someone I have no right to compare when God even fails to compare among its creations.


Completed reading


'I too had a love story' by Ravinder Singh (yes for the second time of course). I had the same feeling after I finished with the book. However, I enjoyed reading it second time because I had known the ending and the whole tale earlier when I read, so perhaps I could relate to each and everything in a better way.


'A walk to remember' by Nicholas Spark was the next in the slot and though I had watched the movie in my first year engg ie long back, I still could connect to the whole of it. No where did I feel like I have already watched the movie, why do I need to read it any more. Books are better expressive than movies. I strongly feel that now.


'Dear john' again by Nicholas Spark, was the third book I have ever read from a single author other than Chetan Bhagat and I must admit I've become a big fan of Nicholas now. The next thing on the list is to go through all of his writings. Will surely get it completed soon. This book specifically moved me with the simplicity of it's writing and the portrayal of its characters. They are real to the core. Must read for our generation.


'A thing beyond forever...' by Novoneel Chakraborty came as a strong recommendation from one of the co-readers. Looked for the book the same day and completed reading it today. Not much of an effort though but it did give me a sleepless night after I stopped reading the 3rd section keeping the 4th for the next day i.e. today. Believe me I couldn't accept the fact that it ended. I wanted more from it and perhaps didn't want it to end. The best feature of this book is not the story, but the philosophy regarding life, love and God. All three of them so well gelled together that you could never escape anyone of it in your lifetime. Truly a master piece it does take you back to your school days and the early days of your adolescence.


After putting down these books in my shelf I would never dare to compare any of these to each other. And about losing these at any cost is not possible. So please be careful if you ever borrow them from me. Don't forget to return because I'm never gonna forget that you were the one who...


Lol! A feeling that sometimes always stays and you may have lost once or hundredth time... but it stays - Love

Like Never Before - The Heaven's Terrace

She stood there with tears in her eyes. The place looked the best like never before. She has been to this place since she was a kid. She was born and brought up in this heavenly place. But she wasn't sure if it was in fact heaven as others believed it. She doesn't remember since when but she would often walk through the market place and take the small path across the tea plantation to be with herself. Be it in happiness when she would have felt like sharing it with her mom or in her sorrows when she would like to weep in her mother's lap. In her tranquillity she would many a times remember how she had seen her mother being brutally killed by her drunken father's tyranny.

Shakti doesn't even remember how old she was when her helpless mother had left her all alone in this world. But her mother had no other option left when her husband had sold her off to a rich tourist from France. It was then that she had given poison to her 5 year old kid before she had jumped from the 'Heaven's Terrace' believed to be the most beautiful tourist attraction in the Western Ghats. Though Shakti was saved by her neighbour who found her lying unconscious in the nearby garbage bin at the end of slump where they lived but there was no news about her mother until three days. 3 days later her body was recovered by the police on the bank of the river which ran between the mountain ranges. Shakti was then brought up by her neighbour while her father had abandoned her. Her new mother, their neighbour told her about everything when she was 16. The person who brought her up was her mother's best friend whom her mother knew since she had arrived after getting married.

Shakti was told that her mother had gone to God’s place into the mountains since God too needed good people. As she grew older she realized what the truth was. She had always felt like being with her mom when she was here. Today was also no different when she wanted to be with her mother once again. Like never before, she felt her mom closer. She could feel the beauty of the place and how heavenly this place has been over the years. Things have changed and people around her as well. But two things are yet to change! Heaven’s terrace has no signs of change and has stood like it has been taken care of by God’s own people. The other one is her Father.

She was just 14 when suddenly her father had come and claimed to have her daughter. Upon insistence that he had no right on her, he had abused every one of having killed his wife and devastated his family. Everyone knew what he was up to. But no one could stop him from doing what he did to his wife and daughter. He sold his daughter to the brothel in the foot hill. Shakti was just a kid to understand anything about this and before she could realize, she was the prostitute who was wanted by the tourist visiting the place. Having no other choice she had accepted her cursed life and had nothing to gain and lose until she met Rahim.

As she slowly took each step towards the gate crossing the flags tied with faith by the travellers for all their secret wishes to come true, she remembered the first time she had met Rahim.

Rahim was a guy from the nearby village who too had visited the brothel to satisfy his physical needs. His build was of a guy in his twenties. As his eyes had met hers she could see a kind of honesty in his eyes. Though Rahim had come to satisfy only his physical needs but his eyes didn’t reflect an animal. He was escorted by Shakti into a corner room. Rahim broke the silence and asked Shakti her name. ‘Julie’ she had said. Rahim asked her actual name and this time Shakti spoke the truth though she was not entitled to do so. It was after long time that she had shared her actual name to someone. She didn’t know why she was truthful to Rahim. But there was some magic in Rahim’s eyes which perhaps made this 19 year old girl fall in love with him. They spent two hours in the locked room talking to each other. Rahim spoke about his tryst with life and how he had struggled to earn a living for his widowed blind mother since the age of 14. His mother had died a month before and Rahim was in deep pain and wanted to talk to someone. May be this is what he wanted. Shakti listened to him without speaking a word since he had paid for her. She could draw parallel to her life. She had tears by the time he finished speaking. He seemed much more relaxed and better as he had spoken out his heart to someone stranger to him. Sometimes it’s easier to share feelings with a stranger. That was perhaps the case.

Rahim visited the brothel frequently then after and insisted on paying only for Julie. When she was not available he would return back. Months passed by and they realized that they were in deep love with each other. On a thunderstorm night they were close enough and spent the whole night together for which Rahim had to pay extra. Shakti had been touched by innumerable people of who were rich, old, young and poor. She had seen many kinds of people who had one thing in common – an animal within. For the first time that night she had felt love. She had felt the softness in the way Rahim kissed her and took her into his arms. For the first time she had love. That was the happiest day in her life that she remembered.

Shakti was in tears, as she walked slowly looking towards the clouds that kept changing their shapes in the sky. She could see them engulf the distant mountain with their long stretched arms. She could feel the way Rahim used to hold her tightly against his wide chest. She used to get lost in his arms and dream about a better future which she could see in his eyes. He had promised that he would soon take her away to a dreamland where they would live happily ever after. He had started working harder at the mountains cutting trees with much vigour. He had got a new life to live. He wanted to start afresh. He had to earn a good amount of money soon enough to start a new life with his beloved. He had found Shakti and of course her name which was given by her mother got the justice. Her mother had always wanted her to be the symbol of strength. And look today she was turning out to be someone’s strength for life. He worked harder and his visits were not that frequent as they used to be. Shakti didn’t mind that since she could see a bright future. She would often come to 'Heaven’s Terrace' to wait for her freedom. She could see her beautiful hut in the woods. She too had tied a flag for her wishes to come true. She knew it would come true some day. But this was not heaven’s choice.

One day Shakti fell ill and had to be admitted to the nearby hospital as her condition was serious. The reason for the sudden health problem was not known until reports came. She was infected with HIV. Heaven broke over her head. She couldn’t believe it at the first time. She insisted the doctor for a re-examination. But the report was nothing different. Her dreams had scattered. She couldn’t believe that just when she had started living and was happy with her life, God could do this to her. She had always believed that her mother was with God and it was she who had fought with God to give her a better life. And there she was achieving all that she wanted. But that wasn’t true. She was once again betrayed by her own destiny.

After Rahim had come into her life, she had always declined to her owner and fought with the brutal lady who used to send her to the prospetive customers. She had told her that Rahim would come and pay the complete amount for her. But it was Monsoon and peak season for the travellers to visit this Godly place. The brutal lady didn’t have any interest to lose the hefty money that would come during this time of the year. Rahim too hadn’t visited since a month. So she had tweaked Shakti’s arm and sent her to a rich man from foreign in his fifties who had lodged in an expensive hotel. She cried thinking of that dreadful night which had changed her life upside down.

She didn’t know what to do. Rahim was unaware of it. She wanted to meet him and hold him in her arms for the last time. But she didn’t. She had earlier denied meeting him when he had come to meet her. She had been ignoring him for more than a month now. She knew Rahim would never leave her and she didn’t want his life to be spoiled. Thus, she had decided to go away from his life. She was now at the gate where she knew was God’s own place. It looked like never before. She could feel her mother waiting for her at the other side. She could feel her Mother embrace her for the first time. It was bliss. She felt like in the arms of nature. There was a sense of freedom, to have been freed from the shackles of this dreadful life. Her mother must have also felt the same. The place was so peaceful. She could feel the pain of departing from the one you love. Fifteen years before her mother had left her apple’s eye behind and today she was here leaving her life.

Was she actually taking her life away or was it Rahim’s?

Closest to My Heart

Few people turn to their saved photo albums, letters and what not to get back to their good old days. Their present of course is a reflection of their post. But it really feels great going back to those days which are always memorable. I too get back sometimes to my good old days. But not mostly in the manner people would generally do.

After a long time, as I have said earlier as well, I have been finding time with myself. To feel the best of your own life. Recently on one of my fellow blogger's post I had commented on how you can always enjoy with your own self without being bored. Bibhash thanks to you for writing that one on your blog. I could feel the need to be with myself. It had been really long time that I could find sometime. I visited my own blog reading different posts. Having read most of my favorites, I was taken back to my old days where I lived a life which can never be recreated. Something I left behind is never going to be the same ever again. It really feels great! Nostalgic is what you can say but it was a coincidence that I happened to do it on a day which I too hadn't realized until I had a look at the time stamp. I was reading one of the posts which is a fiction. I consider it to be closest to my heart. May be it had some resemblance to what I went through when I left Kolkata. Though there wasn't anything similar to the love story but yes, the theme that Apurv was leaving his place for his career was quite similar to my leaving Kolkata when I had options to stay back and compromise with my career. Though nothing great occurred as anticipated or I would prefer saying it was a wrong notion that everyone had regarding Pune center. But of course, my leaving Kolkata was quite similar to Apurv's circumstances. And the best part of coincidence is that I had written this fiction exactly two years back on 20^th April 2010.

Well, I would surely like to insert the link of my post which is closest to my heart. I expect a comment on the story, of course only if you like it. :)))

http://intangibleabhisek.blogspot.com/2008/04/take-care.html

Take care and sleep well!

The Bet by Anton Chekhov

The Bet is a short story which I had read long back in my school days in one of our syllabus text books. There were many such stories were in our syllabus but not all have left an impression in my mind. This particular story has been in my memory till date.

Somehow I searched for this story and I got it in the first go thanks to Google-e-azam :)) But reading it again after such a long time took me back to those old school days. Students generally think what's the use of these short stories and stuff like these in the syllabus which has no practical application. Don't know if you ever thought so but I used to think this way due to the heavy syllabus that existed. But now I realize such stories build our base with good principles and thoughts regarding life.

Specially this story has a lot in to learn from regarding life and it's importance. Of course at the end it renounces the things that we look for our whole life and work towards it. That's the philosophical side of looking and things. These thoughts make us stay grounded and reminds of the truths of life. though a short story it has its importance in real life - the way need to live and look at the world around us. It's not always the materialistic world that actually matter.

If you ever like reading short stories, you would definitely like it. I would suggest you to go through it. You can browse to the link below and enjoy this short narrative.

Here goes the link: http://www.classicreader.com/book/240/1/

Something about the writer: Anton Chekhov

Anton Chekhov was a famous Russian writer considered to be one of the greatest short-story writers in the history of world literature. He has 201 short stories to his name which have been published in form of different books by translations into English. His deep thoughts has done full justice to the characters and the age old debate on capital punishment vs lifetime imprisonment. His message through the story is crystal clear and open up different side of the journey what we all know as Life.

Happy reading!

I too had a love story by Ravinder Singh book review

It had been long time that I had read a good book and nothing better than "I too had a love story" by Ravinder Singh to make that long wait end. This was a book which came across me as a surprise. Though I had never heard about this book, but my quest to read a book made me purchase this one thanks to the price being only 80 INR. Jokes apart the quote on the book "Not everyone in this world has the fate to cherish the fullest form of love. Some are born, just to experience the abbreviation of it" made me feel like going through the love story which seemed to be true.

"I too had a love story" is a true love story. It's about Ravin's life and his much loved beloved Khushi. Being a true one it has the simple, common things which every one of us can relate to. Full credit goes to Ravinder for creating the magic through his words. It would have never been an easy task to pen down one's own story when you have lived it. One would not know what to put in and what not in a very nut shell making it interesting at the same time. That makes the book beautiful. The way Ravinder has carved the characters, the situations and specifically the conversations are worth noticing. His narration is very much like a conversation and one would feel him telling the story face to face. The biggest thing that the book has is the conversations between the two partners. You would die to keep on reading the conversations just because you too would have had such small talks in this new age of technology. It's not a classical love story of the old days, but it's a story of the twenty first century with the strong base of Indian values.

Everyone who has loved or knows what love is all about would love to read the book and those who have not felt it in their heart and are yet to experience what love is, they would also not be disappointed. Ravinder himself being a person from the field of IT working in a renowned IT company instantly connects to the readers from the industry specifically. Generally considered to be naïve and non romantic that a software engineer can as well have emotions and feel like any normal person rather than being a techno-savvy gimmick is what meets the expectations from the young budding writer's attempt.

This is a story about a software engineer who lands up in a matrimonial site named Shaadi.com and happens to get the love of his life. The love that they both share over the long distance by the help of the gadgets and technology proves that love over the internet, social networking sites and phone is not a new thing for this generation. It can be natural and very much practical given the sincerity among the partners. Further, it also brings to the fore the life which the young graduate software engineers lead. Their aspirations, their expectations from life and from their relationships for which they find very less time thanks to the overly demanding professional life has been subtly put in though this is not the theme or objective of the book. But it definitely is the undercurrent. This book shows how the two people go along with their love story and how it turns into a tragic end but nevertheless that life needs to move on and it's not always the end to life.

Though quite predictable, the story is well carved out and very much tightly intact. It keeps you well connected. It doesnt let you keep it down and take a break. This is a book worth reading and can also be gifted to your loved one. One of the classics in this genre and I suppose very much close in comparison to "Love Story" by Erich Segal. It's already a national bestseller.

You can buy this book only for only Rs.80 from the official website http://ravindersinghonline.com/.
Don't forget to read the reader's comments and what media says.

Happy reading and hope you find to know the true meaning of love which is tough to find in this materialistic world.

School Days

[This piece of fiction connects to the days which every individual loves to get back to. The days we always cherish and the incidents which now may appear to be trivial were of the most matured events for us at the beginning of adolescence. Here is an attempt to step back and have a look at the very similar events which we too have experienced at some point of time. The School Days! ]

She looked like an angel. Their eyes met and she gave him a usual smile that had made his heart skip its beat years ago. He neither expected the smile nor did he expect skip of a beat. No doubt he had his excitement to see her after 7 long years. That’s what brought him to the reunion party of his batch at school. He had never attended this event all these years. But this time the reason was quite obvious.
She was getting married next year. This would be her last visit for the reunion. She has never missed a single reunion party after school got over. But this time she didn’t want to attend it. A strange feeling crossed her mind. It was in the morning 9.30 that she realized. She had to reach school by 11am. But this strange feeling of anxiety made her a bit reluctant. Did she hear Ravi saying the other day that Abhinav was coming for this reunion for the first time? But why then is he flying from London only for this event while he never came for the reunions earlier when he was in the same place?
It was after pretty long time that Abhinav was back from office at 8pm. The last whole year had been truly over scheduled. Having got a chance to prove himself, he didn’t wish to let it go this time. It’s been quite hectic for him but he loved to over stress himself. Not because he liked it but he believed in keeping himself so busy that he had no time for other thoughts to cross his mind which he was afraid of. He just wanted to let go off the past. His only belief that he should be busy enough to have no time left through out the day made him work harder and when it came to the end of the day, only thing that his mortal body looked for was a place to lie down in the arms of stress. Lying on the bed he just remembered how busy he had been since he left college. But what went wrong? Why was he so busy? What for? Queries uncountable crossed his mind suddenly. The feeling of restlessness took him to the huge windowpane. He could feel the cold through the glass pane. London looked spectacular from the 22nd floor of his apartment. As he slid the window, a gust of wind kissed him making his specs go blurred. It even made the survival of the warm flame difficult at the fire place. But this didn’t move him. He was lost in thoughts of the chat that he had with Nilima two hours back.
She was late. She finally decided to attend the party. It was her last visit and she didn’t want to miss the opportunity to meet all her old pals for the last time. After all they were the people who had stood alongside her during the thick and thin times of these 7 years. Not to forget the worst phase of life after school. She reached late and it was a delight for everyone to see her. There were those smiling faces and big laughs over the childhood days. Sitting under the big Mango tree they all discussed those childish acts of theirs. Those small fights and big pranks had become memorable for everyone who was part of it. Behind every small thing that they discussed there lived some good old memories which could easily bring out tears in the smiling faces at regular intervals. For Rajni it was a treat to be there and be a part of such a batch which was one of the best ones in the school so far. But her eyes were searching for someone. She knew he would be there. Ravi would not lie to her for any reason. But she wondered why she was anxious.
Abhinav arrived but he was late, for his car broke down on the way. But everyone was really feeling great meeting him after 7 long years. They knew he would be there this time and somewhere everybody thought he had changed a lot since he left. No calls and contact from his side had made everybody think that he was no more their same Abhinav. But meeting him, these all doubts were cleared when they saw the same old shy and charming Abhinav. It was just that he had grown tall with a wide smile that he rarely used to have. Someone said "Hey Abhi, you needn’t stand in front of the queue anymore during the assembly!!" That made everyone burst out laughing. Even Rajni did have a good laugh and when everyone went together for the lunch their eyes met and she had the same smile. How could he forget the smile that had drawn many guys of the school to woo her from the same batch as well as the seniors?
As everybody went ahead with the lunch and chit chats of the most memorable days, Abhinav chose to go around the school and firstly to the room where he had completed his grade X. As he moved along the corridor every thing flashed back. Though it had been 7 long years that he visited his school but that was not big enough for his memories to be blurred. He could remember his first day in school. He, in his 6th grade had to shift school for his dad’s transferable job. Though he never wished to change his school but there was nothing he could do about it. He had to come along leaving behind the past. When he crossed the principal’s room he remembered how he was assigned his class as VI-A and his roll number as 16. That was his identity for his day to start. The heavy new bag, full of new books were heavy enough for him to carry. He had no excitement but a fear while he was escorted to his classroom by the attendant who ruthlessly showed him his classroom and informed the teacher about the new student with roll number 16. He wondered what his parents would do after going back to their new home from the principal’s room. He wished he could join them and be a part of all the fun of unloading and of course settling of things. For him, who was a child of age 11, it was all fun to run around with his new BMW car (of course playing loudest horns even if there was nothing to stop his car) in the magical flat which was actually speaking whatever he spoke. This thought brought about a big smile on Abhinav’s face on his own innocence. Looking back at the principal’s room he moved along to take the stairs to the first floor.
Every step that he took gave him millions of memories and he could feel the excitement now, which he never had on his first day. He kept on smiling like a crazy person. His smile had by then turned into an open hearted laughter when he realized that it was after such a long time that he himself couldn’t make out how long was it. As it was winter vacation for the students, there was no one in the school except him and his batch mates. He had never seen school to be so silent and lonely. His laughter slowly died out as he passed through VI-A. He could see through the glass pane the first bench near the door where he sat for next one year after he was left all alone by that rude attendant at the hands of some brutal lady who perhaps seemed to be the strictest teacher in the school. Well, by the time he could imagine all the fun at home, roll call had started and he started to pay attention when it reached roll no 9, 10 and 11. Just a halt and suddenly he heard someone say ‘dude…enough of sight seeing…come and have your lunch…we are having loads of fun and of course girls are missing u a lot…where are u lost yaar?’ ‘Just a few minutes bro…I’ll be right back..carry on and I promise I would join you people in no time..and yeah thanks for the news about all the girls ;)" , he said. Just then, he saw Rajni in the ground floor. Ignoring her and trying to get back to his sweet memories he moved ahead.
Rajni, who had been to school every year and even more than once a year during these seven years, could actually understand what must have been going through Abhinav’s mind. She could feel the pain in his heart. His reasons for not coming to school after he left no one knew but it was she who had known everything though he hadn’t even contacted her after that. Just that she had known Abhinav since the day he came to school, Rajni knew him very well. Though she had visited school quite regularly in the past but she too was quite nostalgic about her days in school. She was nervous about her new life that was going to begin. There were these other things which didn’t actually keep her connected to the discussions around her. Everybody by now had actually got down from the mode of fun and frolic. Everyone was having their lunch and topics regarding school days had started. People were discussing all the happenings, their experiences of life after school, their new friends, new relationships, the new people they met and how they were moving ahead with the fast paced life. Then there were talks of few people who had already got married and those who couldn’t make it to the event for their personal constraints. There were innumerable talks on various topics which covered everything under the sky including politics and the new generation people. The mood was set for a good time for the whole day. It had been really fun and fantabulous for everyone.
But, on the other hand seriously immersed in his own thoughts and childhood memories, Abhinav walked along and passed by all the class rooms, sports room, staff room, store room, labs where he had spent years of his childhood, his uninterrupted days of fun with his playful friends his lovable teachers who gradually became his best teachers of the lifetime. Ticking of each second in the watch gave him bliss and never ending happiness. He wished if time could halt and he would have another chance to relive his school life. He wondered why every grade he studied was of only one year duration. Why not two or more? He had moved into his childhood innocence and finally when he reached his class X-A, it was all volatile. He was in some other world of his own. He didn’t know what he was trying to do. Where he was heading to? It meant no sense. He just wanted to be there and feel the days which were the last days of his school life. He knew its importance because it was his 10th grade that changed his life significantly though not completely as he had thought when he was in his adolescent. He stood there in front of the door and helped himself in. That was the room where he had lived the best days of his life. He was facing his past in this beautiful set up once more. He moved across the green board through all the desks and benches observing closely each and everything as if he was going through the past itself. He could identify his seat. Moving his hands across the desk, he slowly sat down getting all his nerves under control.
He was lost in his world when he could hear sound of foot steps drawing closer to the room and he could see Rajni standing at the door. Before he could speak anything Rajni walked slowly into the room and he looked with astonishment.
‘Hi Abhi…How are u??’ ‘I’m fine…but how come you are here?’ he reverted back in a hurry.
‘Yes Abhi I know, you must be surprised to see me here and supposedly it’s after such a long time that we are meeting for which you could forget that we are still friends and you didn’t…’
Abhinav interrupted her and said ‘Look Raj, I don’t want to discuss what I have left behind in the past. But anyways, heard you are getting married. Congratulations!’ He was surprised to have asked this question by himself. He was trying to make her comfortable and change the topic but he realized that he had made it worse.
‘Thanks and yeah I’m getting married this March.’, she said and could not look into his face. Turning her head away she started ‘Yeah, his name is Sekhar and he is a businessman in Mumbai. It’s an arranged marriage!!’
Though Abhinav had every detail of it before he reached in Pune, but he didn’t let her know about it. ‘Oh!! wow…that’s great…I hope you are happy with your parents’ decision and you are looking forward to it.’ ‘Of course yes Abhi and being my best friend you can definitely understand my circumstances.’ This sounded like a shock for Abhinav. He couldn’t believe what his ears were hearing. Best Friends was something which he had again never expected.
The first day at school, he had seen the most bubbly, naughty girl during the roll call when she had responded to 11. As the days had passed by, Abhinav had found it tough to connect to his new school. Though he had started interacting with few students, but he still didn’t have the greatest of times. It was then that he had got a new friend named Rajni whose sweet and cute smile had always made him feel good about their friendship which had blossomed quickly into a very strong bond between them. He always considered Rajni as his best friend but he was not sure of the same from the other side.
‘Hey Abhi, are you here???’ ‘Yups’, breaking from the thoughts he said. As he looked into her eyes, she could not keep her calm. She burst into tears as if these were held since long for this moment. Abhinav was awestruck with this and tried to console her for what had happened. But again he could not do anything because he himself was in tears as he knew he was facing his past in his present. He had to do so and he was prepared for it. But he never knew that he would fall weak. In all this, Rajni who had lost her control tried to regain herself and spoke.
‘Abhi, I would like to say sorry for everything that I have done in the past. I know you would never forgive me for that but I am guilty of everything. I know that you always considered me as your best friend. But I had never realized it before. I should not have hurt your emotions.’
Now Abhinav broke free and asked ‘Then why did you do that Raj…why? Why did you accept my love when you knew you had no feelings of that sort? Was it all fake when you went for my proposal in 10th? Oh! God…what a fool I was. I understand that it was too childish at that moment but how could you not think once when you had no feelings for me? You could have said me the truth that you and Subhasis liked each other. Subu was my best friend yaar…how could you both think that I won’t understand?’
‘Yeah, your anger is justified Abhi, but Subu never wanted to hurt your emotions and thus he never said me about his feelings too. And more over as you know, we were very good friends as you and I. After he came to know about your feelings for me and your proposal to me, he had asked me not to break his best friend’s heart. If you remember Abhi, initially I had not said a yes to you because I never had such feelings for you. But it was your best friend and also my best friend Subu who was ready to make the sacrifice keeping everyone in dark. On his conviction that I can always trust you with your feelings and compulsion that I too had the same feelings for you which I was unaware of made me think twice for you. I tried to create feelings and thus I had agreed with Subu to go with your emotions. Abhinav I know it would hurt you but truly speaking I had no feelings for you whatsoever. But hurting you was never my intention. What I didn’t want to lose is your friendship. I didn’t want that shy, charming new comer of our class to lose himself like the time when he had come to our school. I always knew that you were very truthful with your emotions and therefore I tried to love you from the core of my heart. But during those three months of our getting together, I came to know about Subu’s sacrifice. My kinder garden friend, who had been there for me every time, was losing his own control. He was completely lost and I could see love in his eyes which he always hid from me. But how could I let go of my own emotions for him as well. Deep down me too liked roll number 9 very much. I had always required Subu in anything I wanted. This realization of my feelings made me guilty. I didn’t want to hurt you in anyway. Therefore I had decided to break up with you. But I didn’t have the guts to tell you all this at that time. I was hurt myself and wanted to make everything right. I could not help you either in this matter because Abhinav what I knew was that you too loved me as much I loved Subu. As I said I had no intention to hurt you, so I kept myself away from you thinking you might get over these feelings finding me not worth. But by the time passed in 10th grade, Subu and I had already come to know about each others feelings. At this, I know you were hurt the most and there were misunderstandings between you and Subu as well. He also was hurt for this and wanted to make everything clear. Remember Abhi, after 10th when you had come for our first reunion party and on the New Year day Subu had said you that he wanted to say you something? This was all he wanted to say but he couldn’t. He was afraid that may be he would lose your newly regained friendship. Thus he kept quiet. He had said that he would say it all to you someday very soon in the near future but he hardly knew that he was left with only few days after that.’ She burst out saying this and Abhinav was also in tears since long as he had been hearing every word of Rajni. He tried to control himself but he was in complete shock. Yes, he knew about Subhasis’s accident that became the most tragic day of his and everyone’s life. It was then that he had moved to Delhi and he could not even come for the last rituals. But after that he had never come back for any reunion and he had never understood Rajni. He had always misunderstood Rajni. But hearing all this, his soul melted down like a candle burning himself deep within. He was in complete distress. The agony that he had been in, since 7 years, got converted into tears. He cried like a child. Before he could speak anything Rajni continued with tears rolling down her eyes and her voice choking with every word. But she had to speak up. Because even silence can be deceptive! She continued to speak out, for you may never get a chance to speak what you feel, ever again.
‘Abhinav, I just wanted to tell you these things because somewhere I feel guilty for everything that has happened. May be God has punished me by taking my Subu away from me, for all that I had done to you in the past. I had never thought this could be my fate. I am really sorry for hurting you and your emotions. I never had any intention to hurt you but this is how everything had turned out to be.’
Now Abhinav had controlled himself and tried to interrupt Rajni. Tears were still rolling down his eyes but he could realize what would be going through Rajni. Regaining himself he said, ‘Rajni, you need not be sorry for anything. There was no fault of yours. If I look at everything closely then it is you who has gone through all the pain. It is you who has lost the most. It is you who was in all dilemmas. You know Raj, after I came to know about your and Subu’s emotions, I never wanted to hurt two of my best friends. I never knew how much I matter in your lives but you two had always been the most important part of my life. My life in school had found new meaning for you two only. It was that tragic incident that I had decided to leave my past behind. But this time, I got to know about your marriage and I was really happy to know that you have left the past behind. Raj, I just wanted to congratulate you for this and I wish you to be happy. Sometimes, you need to forget the past and think 'jo hota hai ache ke liye hota hai'. You can either be a whimp or a warrior. I have always seen you as a warrior who was never moved by any setback. I want you to get up and be bold enough to face the world. And please don’t worry about me, because I am very happy the way life has taken me. I request you not to feel guilty about anything and not to think that you have ever hurt me. Can friends hurt each other? Aren’t we a reason to smile for each other? You have always been a great friend and will always be one for me. Anyways tell me how your Mr.Smart is and yeah keep your tears in store for your marriage dear.’ Hearing this Rajni smiled back and with tears still in her eyes flowing down with a single motive to lose their identity once they move through her face. Abhinav wiped off her tears, and asked her to go ahead and live the new beginning of her life.
As they looked out through the window pane of the classroom they realized that it had started becoming dark and dusk was fast approaching. They got up from their small seats, where they had those memorable days and walked towards the door. As they moved forward and reached the door, Abhinav looked back at the whole room and felt a sigh of relief and took a deep breath with closed eyes thanking it to have given him the best days of his life. He felt himself to have given away with all anger, agony and frustration. He could feel a new beginning to his life exactly like the last day in school when he had a beginning to his life while leaving it. But this time he could realize how years have passed by.
As they both walked down stairs to join their other friends, Rajni congratulated Abhinav for all his achievements and success over these seven years and asked him to get himself a beautiful wife and be settled. Abhinav had smiled back and without regret agreed and said a big yes. They both reached where their other friends had settled down and without notice got themselves back into their group.
With not much questions, others too realizing the situation, got along with their fun and Abhinav also decided to come back for every reunion party in the future. He felt the beauty of childhood relationships which are more strongly bonded than the ones that we create or get later on in our lives. He had this realization that school days were the best days of his life however good or bad experiences it had brought with it. But school days are the building blocks to any person’s life.
School Days…School Days….School Days !!!!!!!!!

Some Diary Pages - A fiction from Internet

SOME DIARY PAGES – 1

Date: 15-Jan
HE:
I wait everyday till 8.00 in the office even if there is no work. All of my teammates ask me why; how can I tell them that I don’t wait for any personal or official work but the only reason why I wait is the ‘secretary’- a girl in my 8.00 p.m. Chinchwad bus. ‘Secretary’ is not her real name, it’s sort of a code name given to her by me and my friends. Truly speaking, I like her. She might not be one of those who look like Aishwarya Rai or Preitty Zinta, but she is cute and simple and that’s the reason I like her. For past 6 months I have been staring at her in the bus, while going to office and coming back from the office. When I get into bus, somehow my eyes search the whole bus just to have her glimpse.
I never had a girlfriend till now, not that I don’t like to have friendship with girls but somehow they usually prefer tall-dark-handsome qualities in their boyfriends, out of which I possess none. I don’t want to jump to any relationship like this with the secretary but at least just a friendship, is it possible?
I want to talk to her. I want to have friendship with her. I know her name, for I had seen her ID card one day. But I don’t have the guts to talk to her. I even don’t know whether she knows me even by face. I know, no one can help me here; no-one other than myself, but I simply have no guts. At least someone probably a common friend, might at least formally introduce us to each other.
SHE:
There is one guy in my office bus. His name is Shriram. I think he likes me, for me and even my friends have observed him many times staring at myself. Even when he gets into the bus, rather than searching for an empty seat, his eyes search the whole bus for me. Don’t know why but I kind of like it. Sometimes the feeling of knowing that someone loves you is far better than actually loving somebody. I didn’t have any affair till today, not that I didn’t like or love anyone, there was a guy in my college, whom I liked a lot but somehow he stayed away from me, not that he didn’t like me but probably because I am not that beautiful and he wanted someone much more better than me.
This guy, Shri, that’s what his friends call him, I had heard it once in the bus; he seems to be interested in me, not sure about love as such but friendship might not be bad. At least the guy seems to be decent one. I would like to be his friend, but how can I go forward? Afterall he is the boy, he should come one step ahead …not me.
SOME DIARY PAGES – 2
Date: 16-Jan
HE:
My roommate told me to approach her and get introduced to her all by myself. It’s not that easy; this is not a college, what if she complains about this to higher authorities? No, I can’t take this risk. Someone else better introduce her to me. God, can you help me please?
SHE:
My cousin told me to show some sign to him that I am ok in having friendship with him. I think he is afraid to come forward. I’ll give him a good friendly smile tomorrow, when he gets into the bus. I hope he understands and decrypts my signal. God, can you please help him?
GOD:
Now should I come into this picture? Both of these human beings are acting as if they are in a big problem. Although not for me, I had made life so simple for you, just added a bit of emotions there and see how complex you have made it. Now that I am the god, you must have been expecting me to intervene and have some miracle, but no; I won’t interfere here. I have created this world with some fixed rules and everything is just working as per that. Why should I just interfere and break my own rules thereby disrupting the balance of this whole system?
SOME DIARY PAGES – 3
Date: 17-Jan
HE:
Today when I got into the bus and looked at her, she returned back a cute smile. Was she serious? I don’t know; probably she must have told her friends about me and they must have been making fun of me and that’s why when I got into the bus she started laughing and I misunderstood it for smiling. Such a fool of me. Damn, her friends must be having fun discussing things about me.
SHE:
Today when he got into the bus, I smiled at him. But he seemed to be more puzzled than pleased. Is he really interested in having friendship with me or not? I really don’t know. Why am I thinking so much about him? Have I started liking him? Or is it just like you just get used to some things as a habit, and then you unknowingly start liking them? I think it’s the latter case here. Please god please let that guy be a descent one. My sixth sense says he is a descent guy. I think he must have got puzzled because of the smile I gave him. It wasn’t my fault, for I showed him that I am interested in friendship. Now the ball lies in his court. Will he dare first to talk?
Date: 18-Jan
HE:
I am damn confused. I don’t know what to do. Every day everyone around me is bombarding me with some tactics to approach her but nothing seems to suit me well. My roommates even started taunting me that I can’t have a girlfriend or at least the guts to approach the gal. I am leaving it now on luck. I will just continue whatever is going on; let the luck take us wherever and however intended.
SOME DIARY PAGES – 4
Date: 25-Jan
HE:
Nothing unusual or special happened in the last few days. However, today I thought something interesting might happen. The bus was about to start the back-home journey today when she and one of her friends got into the bus. They were searching for a place to sit. I was alone on a seat of three. I was thrilled that she would sit on the same seat beside me. But she just came, momentarily paused at the seat, turned to her friend and just went past; to sit on the last seat. I couldn’t see the expressions on her face clearly but what I saw was a face filled up with hate or some similar feeling that clearly showed expression such as whatever might happen, I am not going to sit beside this *****. It was really heartbreaking. It was the biggest insult I had suffered till now. Am I so hopeless?
Date: 26-Jan
HE:
Today, there was public holiday so I got lot of time to think and analyze the situation. What was my fault? I haven’t done anything wrong. I didn’t ever talk to her, I never tried to flirt, I never gossiped about her except for my close friends. I am even sure that none of my co-travelers in the bus know that I like her. Whenever I stare at her I take necessary precaution as not to be too obvious. I don’t want to embarrass her in any way. When I am trying my best for this, then why did she have such cruel expressions on the face?
I think either she knows now that I like her and stare at her and she doesn’t want to encourage me or simply, she just hates me for no reason, just like many of my classmates who hate me for no reason.
I don’t know what to do now, but either ways I think she just doesn’t want me to be anywhere around her. She just hates me, just one more failure. Does it hurt? Yes it does, but I am very much used to it. I’ll try my best not to look at her. I don’t want to do anything that she doesn’t like. I will try to forget her as if she was just one more dream in my life which simply didn’t come true. Probably, I don’t deserve to be with her. This is fate after all. I will have to obey it.
Date: 26-Jan
SHE:
Today was a holiday. So I couldn’t see him, although I wanted to. I actually wanted to apologize for whatever happened yesterday. I got into the bus and searched for the seat. He was sitting alone on the seat for 3, it was a good chance for me to sit with him and have a word or two. I was just thrilled. I was about to sit on the same seat when Kruti said something. I didn’t hear it properly so I turned to her. She said,”See, Aravind is there, he has reserved seats for us.” I just hate that Aravind, he is always ready to flirt provided the other person is a girl. Whenever I see him, somehow I try my best to be as away from him as I can, I even show hatred to him directly on my face but this guy simply ignores this. I don’t know why Kruti likes him so much.
So the point is I went to the seat that Aravind had reserved specially for us. I felt really bad for Shri, but if I would have denied Aravind’s offer and would have sat on Shri’s seat; it would have just been too obvious. He must have felt embarrassed. Poor guy.
SOME DIARY PAGES – 5
Date: 27-Jan
SHE:
Today he seemed to have lost in thoughts. When he got into the bus, surprisingly he didn’t search for me. He even didn’t look up. He just went straight to the last seat and started reading a novel. I tried looking at him once or twice but he didn’t lift his head at all. I think he is hurt, I am feeling sorry, but what can I do? When we got down at the office gate, I purposefully lingered a bit more at the gates to give back him a smile, but I couldn’t spot him in the crowd. Shri, I am sorry, please be normal again.
Date: 27-Feb
HE:
I was working in the night shift for the whole month so had to travel by cab rather than bus. I used to work from 4.00 p.m. to 2.30 a.m. so naturally I had lost contact with almost all people working in dayshift except for my teammates who would surrender the charge to me while leaving for the day. For the whole month I didn’t travel by bus. Obviously didn’t see her. She works in the adjacent building only, but I don’t know where her cubicle is located exactly and anyways even if I would be knowing that, I don’t think I have that much guts to approach her.
For almost a month I didn’t see her, but I didn’t feel any desperation to see her. I was unbelievably aloof in this case. Was it the effect of that evening incidence?
SOME DIARY PAGES – 6
Date: 28-Feb
HE:
Today, the office had planned to screen a movie in the campus. I had seen it but thought of enjoying it with friends in the open air. I took the permission for an hour from my boss and went for that. The dialogues were not much audible on the lawns, but it was fun to watch the movie in an open air theatre like that. I was to leave the place to return to my cubicle and turned around when I saw her standing there just around 10 feet away from me.
I don’t know why but my heart started speeding a lot higher than even Schumi’s Ferrari. She just smiled at someone in the crowd at my back, tried her best not to look directly to me and just left the place. I stood there for a minute or two just wondering what had happened.
Why did she smile? Did she feel good that I am still in the same company only or she didn’t even take notice of my presence and really smiled at someone in the crowd at my back? But we were so close that it was practically impossible for her to just ignore me.
SHE:
I saw him today, at the movie screening. Thank god he is still working with this company only. I thought of smiling at him and greeting him. I was so happy to see him, I wanted to ask him where he was for so many days, whether he was not well, had he changed his house or was he using bike for the transport, but again I didn’t ask a single question. I stayed calm. I didn’t want to embarrass him again.
I don’t know what I feel about him, but somehow whenever I see him, I do feel better. I hope he starts traveling by bus again. Every day we can see each other in the morning and wish each other a very good morning without any words or smile but just with a plain look
SOME DIARY PAGES – 7
Date: 5-march
HE:
I resumed my normal duty today. It was good to see all those familiar faces once again after so many days. Of course my eyes were searching only one face out of that but still.
Just like my normal schedule, I got into the bus. She was sitting there with the same plain look on her face, nowhere even a single line of recognition, but when she saw me, her face reflected a small smile. It couldn’t escape my notice. Was she happy to see me back in the bus? I don’t know about her, but I was definitely happy to see her.
SHE:
I was so happy, I tried my best to conceal my happiness but I felt like getting up from my seat and just sit beside him and talk, talk and just talk to him. Hey what’s this? What’s happening to me? I never felt like this for anyone. Is this just sympathy for that evening thing or is this love? No chance of it. I don’t believe in this love at first sight or so. We don’t know each other, we don’t know anything about each other, and how can this be love? Probably just infatuation… whatever it may be… I love this feeling very much
SOME DIARY PAGES – 8
DATE: 7-March
HE:
Today can be called as the luckiest day of my life. I talked to her face to face for the first time. Rajesh, my friend had some work in Nigdi today and was traveling by our bus and surprisingly he knew her well. They were college mates during the degree. He introduced us formally. I was so happy, that I just forgot that sometime back she just avoided sitting beside me. Everything in my brain, all my nervousness, and hatred for her as well as for my loser …all was just washed up.
Now I can talk to her, I hope I can turn this chance to success. Oh god thanks a lot… Rajesh was just like an angel sent by you.
SHE:
Thanks a lottt god…. I am so happy. Even he was. I could easily make that out from his face. It was just so bright. He still has feelings for me. Thank god, I thought after that day I kinda lost him, but no. Now we can talk to each other officially. No problem of who is first … we are friends now. God you are great.
Rajesh:
Today I had some work in Nigdi so had to travel by office bus. I thought better to go with Shri just for the sake of good company but it didn’t seem to be necessary when I saw my best friend from our degree college traveling by the same bus. It was a really pleasant surprise to see her after a couple of years or so. I think my transfer to Pune will result in some good thing. She has become more beautiful than she was in our college days. Damn.. Why the hell did I neglect her in college when she had crush on me… I hope she is still single, not even committed or so. I would like simple girl like to get settled in life. Now I am well settled in job, should go forward with love matter also.
When I introduced Shri to her today, somehow her face lit up as if she was eager to have a word or two with him since many days. Shri’s condition was no different. Do they have something between them? I hope there is nothing of such sort. Oh God, thanks a lot that you made me meet her, I hope you help me once again to make her mine. Please just keep Shri out of this.
GOD:
If you get only happiness then you don’t feel its value, do you? That’s why everything is planned in such a way that whenever you get happy you should understand its true value. I haven’t done anything special here. It’s all just happening as predefined.

SOME DIARY PAGES – 9
Date: 10-March
HE:
Since Rajesh has introduced us to each other, the days have been very good for us. I mean I didn’t talk to her or so, but at least we exchange smile regularly. Let’s see whether I can sit beside her sometime and have a word or two.
Date:12-March
HE:
I sat beside her today in the bus while returning from office. We were chatting a lot, on no specific topics as such, but I really enjoyed her company. She is really a cute, simple and sweet girl. She said she will be reserving a seat for me in the morning bus. Let’s see whether she really keeps her promise…
Date:16-March
HE:
Since last few days, she had been reserving a seat for me in the morning as well as in the evening bus. We both seem to enjoy each other’s company very well. I decided to take a step forward today. I asked her for a cup of coffee in the afternoon. I was a bit depressed about what she might reply but surprisingly, she said yes without thinking even for a moment as if she was actually waiting for such a move from my side. We decided to meet at 4 near the café inside the campus.
She didn’t turn up. I don’t have her cell number so I even couldn’t call her and ask why she did so. It was so embarrassing for me to wait there just alone. Did she do it purposefully? Why? I could make out no sensible reason.
If she would be having a meeting or some office work, she should have informed me. She didn’t call me. My extension or even cell number was available with the telephone directory. Did she do it for the only reason that she wanted to show that she doesn’t care for me and prove her importance?
SHE:
Today that happened real disaster. The servers were down and I was so busy in recovering them, debugging the code that I almost forgot I had my first ‘date’ with Shri. I suddenly remembered it just before going to a meeting at 2 and I was sure that I can easily finish off with the meeting by 4 and meet Shri, but no. The destiny had some other plans. I had to be in meeting till 5. I even couldn’t phone Shri and inform him that I am not coming. By the time I was free from that chaos, it was already 6. He must have left for the day. He was going to Mumbai today, so he must have left early.
What can I do? I wanted to meet him and apologize face to face. Mail or phone won’t do. I hope we meet on Monday. I’ll explain him everything. He is a nice guy. He will understand me properly. I am hoping so, obviously I don’t have any other option at least till Monday.
SOME DIARY PAGES – 10
Date:19-March
HE:
I left for the day early today at 6. I had traveled from Mumbai in the morning and so needed rest or was it just to avoid her since she travels by 8 o’clock bus? I don’t know the reason but I felt like just avoiding her.
SHE:
Where is he? He must have come from Mumbai in the morning and joined directly, that’s why he wasn’t in the morning bus, but why not in the usual evening bus at 8? Probably he was tired. Let’s hope he meets me tomorrow morning. He will listen to me and this time I will invite him for a coffee or so.
Date: 21-March
HE:
Yesterday, she explained me the whole thing. How stupid of me? I was thinking really absurd things about her. She is such a cute girl; it was not her mistake that she had to attend the meeting. I was kind of ok when she gave me the explanation. The conversation after that just went normal as it used to be earlier. Whatever that might be but I am not going to ask her out anymore.
Date: 22-March
HE:
What the hell… what does she think of herself? Today she invited me for a coffee at 4. I went there on time. I didn’t want to miss it but again she didn’t turn up. Why? Is she just stressing how important she is and how unimportant I am for her? I felt like calling her there only and just ask the reason why is she playing games with me like this. I decided to ask this for full and final what the matter was, but she didn’t turn up even for 8 o’clock bus.
Date:27-March
HE:
I couldn’t see her for last 5 days. Did she come to office? Isn’t she feeling well? I hope she is alright. Oh God, please protect her.
Date: 10-April
Rajesh:
Her father was seriously ill. As a family friend, I helped a lot. She couldn’t go to office for a fortnight or so, but I helped her in conveying the matter to her seniors. I think this last week helped me a lot as in building a rapport with her and her parents. Fate has given me a good chance to get closer to her, I think I can progress here.
Date:25-April
SHE:
Today I met Shri finally after so many days. I thought he might be still angry about the coffee thing, but to my surprise, he was a bit tensed as to why I was not coming to the office. I explained him that daddy was seriously ill. He enquired about dad’s health and then simply changed the subject to turn my attention to somewhere else. He was just trying to take me out of the tension about dad’s health. He is such a mature guy, I knew he would understand.
Date: 20-May
SHE:
Shri and I have been going out for a long time now. I have started loving him. I think even he is serious about this relationship but he is younger than me and I don’t think he is ready for any commitment at this stage of his life, but mumma and dad are pursuing me for marriage; what should I do? Should I ask him?
Date: 22-May
SHE:
Shri told me today that he is leaving the company. He has got an admission to MBA in a College in Mumbai. It’s really difficult to be away from him at least for 2 years. Should I ask him for a relationship? Will he be ready for that or he just wants to wait till the completion of his MBA? But I can’t wait that much. I think I’ll better ask him straight about the commitment let’s see what he says.
Date: 23-May
Rajesh:
Today I proposed to her. She didn’t show any expressions as such on face and asked for some time to think about it, but I know she must have be just too happy for she had crush on me in our college life. I think she will say ‘yes’. Just that I need to confirm, that Shri doesn’t come in between. Everything should go smooth otherwise. Even her and my parents would not have any problem in fact they would be happy if she and I get into the most beautiful relationship.
HE:
Today she called me up and asked to meet for a coffee at our usual place, but later suddenly she called up to cancel the meeting. I don’t know why. She sounded stressed a bit on phone so I concluded it to be the result of work pressure. But when I saw her in the evening in the bus today, she was in a bit off-mood. I don’t know why. She then just held my hand. I think she wanted to say something but she was not able to. I couldn’t even understand what she wanted to say but I kept mum. When my stop came nearer, she released my hand. I asked her whether she was alright. She didn’t reply anything else than ‘yes, just fine’.
I tried calling her in the night after dinner, but she didn’t pick up. I think she must be stressed because of the work and must have slept early. I hope nothing is wrong. Oh god, please take care of her.
SHE:
Today was the most dreadful day for me. Rajesh proposed to me. My mood was off. I loved him in college but he didn’t seem to pay any attention to me. At times he literally avoided me. Later somehow I just managed to overcome that feeling. I loved him, but he didn’t. There are no conditions in love after all. I tried my best to forget feelings about him, at least suppress them. He never seemed to like me. Then why now? Has his feelings really changed? Or he is just playing games with me?
I was going to propose Shri today. It would have been the most crucial moment of my life and this guy, Rajesh just turned off my mood. I was literally shocked to hear from him. Not that I don’t like him but now that a couple of years have passed when we had no contact and even Shri is there in my life. Much water has flown down the bridge. I don’t know whether I still love him, and I also don’t know whether Shri is ready to have a commitment as such with me. I am just confused. Oh god, please help me. Show me some way. Why didn’t you device any automatic system to solve such problems?
GOD:
Automatic system? Wow!!! All these software engineers think alike. They think just the computerization of every system solves most of the related problems. But real life is not so simple. The real life is much more complex thing to handle. In arithmetic you have 1+1 =2; but in real life you may have 1+1 as anything but 2. That’s life.
About the automatic system to solve the real life problems, I have given you humans one such machine. Some call it heart, some mind or some just brain. I gave you the ability to think. You can take decisions based on your prior experience, your conscience and you can very easily use it to make decisions and I am sure even she will find out a way in this ambivalence because even if she does not trust my creations, I do.
Date: 24-May
SHE:
Yesterday after so many days I cried. I cried a lot. I was completely lost in dilemma. I was not able to think properly. What should I do? I loved Rajesh a couple of years ago but he didn’t, at that time. Now he loves me but I love Shri. Rajesh wants to settle down in life and he wants me to be with him. Shri has not planned something of that sort, he is just going to complete his MBA first and then will think of getting settled. Rajesh, he is of my age, very much mature; whereas Shri is younger, a bit of immature but that suits his age. Rajesh, my family knows him very well and will be ready perhaps eager to include him in as my husband; whereas Shri, I haven’t told anything about him to mom or dad yet.
But I love Shri a lot, probably more than I used to love Rajesh in college days. How should I make a decision? Based on feeling for love or based on my future, the practical aspects for my life? Where should I go? Oh god, please help me. I need you immensely. Please please, help me make the decision.
Date: 30-May
HE:
Last few days just flew past like a stormy wind. All those processes I had to undergo in order to leave the company, just because I wanted to pursue better career in MBA rather than staying here and stagnating. A few more days and I am off to achieve my dreams.
Just the problem is, I don’t want to leave her, my love, my secretary. I really love her. Since when my infatuation turned into love was unknown even to me. I don’t want to leave her but I can’t even stay here. Even I am doing MBA in Mumbai not even here in Pune. Will she wait for me for at least 2-3 years which I will need to complete MBA and get settled?
I have said goodbye to everyone, it was not that difficult; but it’s definitely not the same with her. I don’t know whether I will be able to say her goodbye and how I am going to do that.
SHE:
I have made my decision. I don’t know how to convey it but I will have to do it. One of the two hearts is going to get broken but there is no any other way. I have made my decision and I’ll stick to it. Oh god, please give me strength to convey the decision and then bear everything that follows...
Date: 19-June
SHE:
Today was Shri’s birthday and also his last day in Pune as well as in this company. He left in the evening for Mumbai. It was really a heartbreaking moment to see him parting, especially when both of us were completely aware that we might not see each other in future. I had made the decision; the only problem was how to convey it to him. I chose to be practical than just blind in love. People give you cool gifts on your birthday but what I gave him was just a shock, a damn big shock. He didn’t say anything except for ‘congrats’ and ‘good luck’ but his face told me everything he wanted to convey. I cried there standing in the whole crowd of his friends who had gathered to wish him luck and goodbye. He couldn’t cry out but if possible, he could just have wept then and there.
I said him sorry that I chose Rajesh over him. What he replied was surprising. He just replied, ‘No need to say sorry. It’s your life, you have complete right to make a decision and you are mature enough to do so and you have made a wise decision. We were friends and will be, but please don’t expect me to keep a contact with you. I loved you and I really loved you from the bottom of my heart. Now whenever I will think of you I will not have anything else than love in my mind and I think same might be the case with you; and that won’t be right especially when u will be a married woman; married to someone else. So this is our last meet. Thanks for the friendship and the feeling of love that you gave me. Best luck for your future life.’ And he just went inside the bus.
Was he so aloof or he just tried to sound so as not to make me feel worse about our parting? I think for all those days that I spent with Shri, I still couldn’t understand him properly. Anyways Shri, what the truth is that I loved you. I loved you like anything but the decision I made was based on practical aspects of life. My decision will prove to be better for both of us and I am damn sure of it. I had started writing diary since when I had seen you for the first time, now since you are not there in my life, I am going to discontinue this practice. This is the last page of my diary. Best luck Shri, for your future. Love you. Bbye.
HE:
This was the worst birthday of my life when I broke up with my love. It can’t be termed as a breakup as such but we parted; we parted forever with a promise not to cross the other’s life anytime in future. I felt like crying; but boys don’t cry, do they? Yes they cry, but secretly….and that’s why I am crying now. The whole page is wet because of my tears. Anyways this is the last page. I have decided not to write this diary anymore. This diary had come into my life with secretary, and since secretary is no more with me, what’s the purpose of this diary? Secretary, just wanted to say best luck for your future. I Love you. Bye.
SOME DIARY PAGES – 14... Concluding Part
Rajesh:
Finally, today is that lucky day for me. She said yes. I am so happy. She is mine. Finally my dream has come true. Oh God thanks a lot. You have made my day, in fact my life. Very few people get to live with someone they love; I am one of those lucky ones. My happiness has no bounds. I am very very happy today.
Shri left the company today, I don’t know whether we will be able to meet each other in future. I had gone to say good bye and wish good luck to him. He was talking to her. When I saw her face, I again felt some pain in my heart. Are they both having something? If so, why did she say Yes to me? Are they trying to cover-up something? Or is she playing games with me? Or am I coming as an odd between the two? I could see tears in Shri’s eyes when he left her and got into the bus. Her condition was no different, in fact she literally cried. She seemed to recover after a couple of minutes but the way she was looking somewhere into the vacuum, her face clearly was clearly telling her diligent attempts to control tears. Oh god, please show me the way. I hope I didn’t do anything wrong by proposing her.
The way they both were talking to each other didn’t show any sign of quarrel or fight between them. Then why they separated? Or they shared some feeling for each other and none of them just bothered to express it? Whatever the situation might be, she has said ‘yes’ to me; must be for some reason, whatever ; she is mine now. Shri is her past and she will forget him; in fact she will have to. Whatever the case may be, I love her and that’s it.
GOD:
Okay. Here is the end of this story, not a unique; in fact a very very common one. You might be expecting me to interfere in it at the eleventh hour and change the ending so that either; before the bus starts, She runs to the bus and gets into it and goes with Shri to Mumbai or probably when the bus is about to leave, Shri jumps out and hugs her or Rajesh feels something wrong and just takes her on bike and follows the bus just to stop it and make her get into the bus for Shri and so on? Nopes. This is not a Tamil film. This is a real life story and not a reel life one.
She took the decision wisely after evaluating each option she had. She had thought practically in every aspect. Won’t interference by me be just injustice to her thoughts? Won’t it be a betrayal to her trust that the option she chose is the best one? Won’t it be just a wrong deed on my side and that too just to please some others without any particularly sensible reason?
As I said, I have made this world with some predefined rules. The balance of this world totally depends on the events that are happening every now and then. No event is of more or less important than the other. Every moment, situation, event has some sort of purpose and so stands of equal importance. The purpose might not be directly related to you but it can also affect you indirectly. As said before, I had already decided not to intervene and I stuck to my word. Now you will say that it’s me only who decides everything ultimately. Yes. Indeed true but that’s what my point is. I decided her fate to be with Rajesh, that’s it. I hope you understand; in fact I am sure you will … again that’s what your fate says….

Take Care

He kept on looking at the steps, down to ground floor through the 2nd which she took to get out of sight of him; wondered she would turn back and look at him as in movies. But it wasn’t any movie and there was no background music playing behind all this. She had left.

He realized this as one of his friends patted him on the back to find him with drooping eyes and heavy heart. It was quite very natural though. There were people who hugged him, patted him and wished him good luck for the future.

But these all couldn’t bring him back from the thoughts of her wet eyes, the way she tried to hold them back trying not to be quite obvious. Clearing her throat she had said “All the best Apurv, Apna khayal rakhna, Take Care, Bye” “You too take care and miss you and miss your…” he had stopped.

“Miss You!! She would not have gone far away as she would have to walk up to the next circle to get a cab”.
He could hear these words. He wasn’t sure if it was his inner voice or someone else saying this. That didn’t matter much to him at that moment. He just didn’t want to lose those last few moments. He started being nostalgic. He wanted to take the last glimpses of her to preserve them till the next time when they meet (which was never in the near future).

He moved through the stair case from 3rd to ground floor with just few long jumps. It wasn’t that tough for him to take the stairs this time unlike the other days when he had thought it to be really tough when she had always insisted on preferring the stairs to the lift. As he increased his pace to move faster, he couldn’t stop the first drop of tear which he had held in the eyes since she left. Now, that was the moment when he felt how wrong he was.

The very next day evening he had his flight which would take him to yet another completely new world which he had chosen for himself. Till now, he knew “Change is the only constant”. He believed it and did it. But was puzzled why this single drop made him think that it was the biggest regret of his life? Why is he now having second thoughts regarding his decision to go abroad for his MBA, which he earned for his family and himself? Is he being kiddish and trying to prove to be a true sentimentalist?

These all came rambling faster than the pace of his ever increasing heart beat which had missed innumerable number of times as he got closer to her. He could hear his own heart beat thumping against his chest.

“Did she really mean when she said Take Care?”
“Didn’t she want to say anything more?”
“Won’t she miss me?”
“Take Care of those memories, those words and our friendship. Did she mean all that with those two words?” He was confused and wished to ask her about this.

The distance between both of them had started growing. He had slowed down. He stopped. He could see her walking down the road towards the circle. The circle wasn’t visible to him, but he had walked along with her to that place on the same right side of the road, she on his right. Six months back they both walked in that stormy dark night to catch the uncertain cab. Everything flashed before him like a movie.

He stood there firmly watching her slowly walk away from his life. He knew getting back to her was impractical. They would never be the same again. He couldn’t dare to move his eyes off her. She didn’t turn back as expected. But he wondered “Was she so special to me or am I afraid not to find some second person to fight with.”

He realized by then that he had compromised his life for his career. He knew where he stood and walked turning his back to her knowing that it was too late to change his decision. It was time to wipe off his face and let life play its role. He had just one thing to do – “Take Care”

The TREE !!

We have our midsems beginning tomorrow.But what am i doing here right now....its midnight and i should have been at my bed as i had been doing this for the last three years.But whts wrong today ?

Have i not completed my portion for tomorrow's paper?...

if dats not the case den wht is the thing which made me awake....is it that i m nt sleepy ?

yes i m sleepy n damn tired....but den why am i here ?

Well thr is a reason which made me came to my blog.At noon today as i was just going through my books and was trying hard to concentrate something just flashed in me...there was an urgency to write down...wht was dat i too didn't knw untill i started writing...i rushed for the pen n just tore out few papers from the lying notepad which had nt been used for months probably.

Then i went on and on penning down all that came to my mind.Surprisingly it was a TREE.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A Tree standing alone on the dry deserted road side with no leaves or the bright shade which used to be a travellers delight.There are no more travellers on the road.The road waits for someone to travel,to come along it and be a company both to the Tree and itself(the road).

The Tree even does not have within, that something, which could give many of those lone travellers the company,the feeling of support and a place to rest for the rest of life.The Tree has lost its green, hasj only the dry trunk standing straight as if aspiring to touch the sky !!

Sigh !!

Seems to be just a hope.A dry hope.

The purpose is lost.People have left since the Tree is left with nothing to give.Why are people so selfish? Was the Tree only there to be used ?

It was made to be used and thrown into darkness of the dry scorching Sun.The Tree has lost its purpose but still stands there with no visible aim seen for the future. "why am I here? Whats my aim? Served others but none serve me!! Was this my destiny" cries the Tree, but none to hear...

The Tree survived all this and then the season changed.Hopes high for the Tree to have a companion, another visitor, another traveller to give shade to ; ready to be there for others anytime.But hardly does it realise that it will again be used , used till it sucks, and raped hundred of times and then would be left alone on the same road side when it sheds in the autumn.But this time he does not have the strenght to gain the green.Does not have that great a shade now.New trees have come along, with fresh vigour, denser shade and a promising support system with all new appeal to the travellers.Now no one needs Me(The Tree).

People's choices, needs have changed and also their priorities.May be they just don't need a good shade, a good tree but something more.A more fruitful tree bearing better fruits,serving better in every way; its other features which are not possible for this Tree to furnish.

And Sigh !!! No one needs Me now : I have nothing to give.Then why exist ? Why not leave the world ? Why keep waiting for the end to come. Come, Come and cut my left part - the trunk and finally that would also be of some Use to you.

Waiting to be slaughtered.To feel the all new sharpened edge of the axe, the sweet echoing sound of it touching my torn out body, to feel the pain which would give the never ending happiness that i've Served.

Come soon before its too late and even the trunk dies.Please come soon since I wanna be Used for the last and final time. - The Tree