Closest to My Heart

Few people turn to their saved photo albums, letters and what not to get back to their good old days. Their present of course is a reflection of their post. But it really feels great going back to those days which are always memorable. I too get back sometimes to my good old days. But not mostly in the manner people would generally do.

After a long time, as I have said earlier as well, I have been finding time with myself. To feel the best of your own life. Recently on one of my fellow blogger's post I had commented on how you can always enjoy with your own self without being bored. Bibhash thanks to you for writing that one on your blog. I could feel the need to be with myself. It had been really long time that I could find sometime. I visited my own blog reading different posts. Having read most of my favorites, I was taken back to my old days where I lived a life which can never be recreated. Something I left behind is never going to be the same ever again. It really feels great! Nostalgic is what you can say but it was a coincidence that I happened to do it on a day which I too hadn't realized until I had a look at the time stamp. I was reading one of the posts which is a fiction. I consider it to be closest to my heart. May be it had some resemblance to what I went through when I left Kolkata. Though there wasn't anything similar to the love story but yes, the theme that Apurv was leaving his place for his career was quite similar to my leaving Kolkata when I had options to stay back and compromise with my career. Though nothing great occurred as anticipated or I would prefer saying it was a wrong notion that everyone had regarding Pune center. But of course, my leaving Kolkata was quite similar to Apurv's circumstances. And the best part of coincidence is that I had written this fiction exactly two years back on 20^th April 2010.

Well, I would surely like to insert the link of my post which is closest to my heart. I expect a comment on the story, of course only if you like it. :)))

http://intangibleabhisek.blogspot.com/2008/04/take-care.html

Take care and sleep well!

In love with Love Story theme

I have been in love with my past all the time. Don't know why but I always keep getting myself into my past. I remember the days when three years back I left home and was at Kolkata to start a new life. A new life with Tech Mahindra. It was that time when I was attracted to radio. The fact that we didn't have a TV then, made me get attached to radio all the time. And within no time I was connected to the best programme on it. One of the programmes that had made fans all over Kolkata. It was a programme called 'Dil Se' hosted by the best RJ ever 'Jimmy'. It was aired on every friday from 9pm to 3am on 93.5FM.

The best part of the show was the background music that played on it. It was the theme song from the movie 'Love Story'. The theme of the programme was so good that it got me connected to me to the programme every friday. I just love that music. I have got shifted to Pune since long. More than 2 and half years now.. I was at kolkata for 4 months probably.. but the programme and the music left me mesmerized. As I write this, the music plays in the background on repeat. I have been trying to connect to 93.5FM specifically online but failed. I wish I could connect to 93.5FM online from Pune. But seems like a dream. But for now enjoy the beautiful tune online from the movie Love Story.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Rvz8KnyN0U

Have a great time!

Life has taken a U Turn

Feels like i am standing at the same point where I stood two years back. No it's not about joining a new job. But currently I am facing yet another cross road. I remember the words "to be or not to be.." well yeah they r the famous words but i remember someone close say these to me.. and today, not exactly today but in the recent times i have these words crossing my mind quite often.

How does it feel if you find yourself in a situation where you were two years back ?? I had come to Pune, no friends, not even a single known face. After two years i feel the same. I am still at Pune..for those who might wonder where i am currently.. but... i still feel the same.. not many people i know.. n thats in a very literal way.. i mean it.. not many know me... in fact no one knows me...who i am.. i am lost somewhere...

recently i shifted my flat...new room mates.. old buddies left to the other part of the city.. the very next day i was shifted to another office.. ie sharda... the only reason of parting from my friends was to stay close to office... bt in vain...every effort to make my wishes work fails... going to sharda seems like a transfer to me.. new flat...new people at home, at office... though ppl whom i meet are my team mates... bt i used to meet them only at team parties n I had met all of them only twice or thrice before I started seeing them every day at sharda.. thr was even a team mate whom I hadn’t met until I got shifted to sharda.. n moving to sharda wasn’t even easy.. it took me completely two weeks to get my .pst file(outlook offline mailbox) shifted to sharda.. Gosh.. it was 4GB.. having preserved all the mails since two years…don’t know if I would even read them twice… bt having them gives a feeling of familiarity..

travelling to sharda through bus has a completely new but different experience.. though hectic it teaches u many things in life… u get to see that u r not the only person who is around working hard.. there are even people who have been doing the same thing since ages.. just for their families…

it was this time of last year that I had been trying for a transfer to Kolkata… bt I had failed at that attempt.. n now again after a year I feel the urge to get back to Kolkata.. at least I could do something for my family.. after all that’s why we exists… moreover, today or tomorrow I would be changing my project since in few months from now our project would go to some other company.. so why not now when I can get a project at Kolkata…who knows after three months I may nt even get a project there…

meantime, prachi too left pune.. and probably her leaving has added to this U turn feeling… she had been there with me since 2004 and after long five years of togetherness I ought to have this void around me...

There seems to be too much of confusion..

First, I know switch is not that a tough thing to do..even during this tough market scenario bt even after a switch I will be at the same place whr I m today.. I wont get to be a CEO instantly.. and it wouldnt help me personally either…nothing gonna change…

MBA…super cool option.. I know this can be best thing I can do.. bt I don’t knw why I fail to put in the effort…may be its because of complacency… of the backup that I have in form of a job.. i need to burn my boats...close all the options...I know I have it in me to crack CAT but nothing is achieved without hardwork.. so I need to put in efforts… bt somewhere I too don’t feel to change my direction when I have already invested my two years somewhere else.. how is this going to help? Shouldn’t I carry on in the same domain.. in the technology rather than getting into management?? But I do realize that we at IT don’t have something great at our hand… even a 10th grade student can do the same if given training for a month n if he knows how to handle a PC…nothing great..
And funny it may sound.. somewhere in the back of my mind… I too think I should give it a try for civil services… bt I feel I have a kind of inclination towards the arts subjects.. sociology, philosophy, psychology, history(though m very poor at memorizing), geography… bt it’s a touch nut to crack wen I hv least idea about such subjects….

Currently, every day ahead is so very blank like never before.. so very confused… I feel I need to have an opinion poll…

Please suggest!

P.S: For the first time I have written so openly about myself just for a fair opinion. Hope it didn’t bother you much.

Oh! Calcutta

Seems like its been a decade that I have written !
Oh! What a feeling!
I come back and as always the world around me is sleeping and the wait is for a new sunrise and a new beginning into every sleeping eye. But, I have been scrolling through my memory lane with the best of my knowledge. Why then had i clicked each moment of my past ? I just realized what i always used to do was for today. Getting back to this platform to write again had never crossed my mind. I had always believed that I would resume writing only after I get back to Kolkata. Oh!! Did I say Kolkata and did you read the same?Of course yes!
Again and again my last few posts have always spoken of Kolkata, rather I would prefer to say Calcutta. Thus, many people have come up and asked me why Calcutta even when I am not originally from this place and I even don't have my home there and I have never lived there for more than even half of a year!! This really makes me think twice to answer them. Not because I don't want to but because I seriously don't know that Big 'WHY'. Poeple say I am crazy and I accept it for there is nothing wrong. Yes I am mad for this place and rather I should say obsessed with this place. But some how I too understand I have no specfic reason for all this obsession. But again, now I have realised the reason why I always want to get back to this place keeping everything at stake of my life.
Its the place itself, the people, the dhakki, the idols, the pujo, the rickshaw, the bright yellow taxis, the broken canals, the muddy roads of the rain( those who don't know me in and out would definitely be amazed to know how much I hate muddy roads with water logging of even the slightest kind), of course the water logged Kolkata rain, the food, the people again and lastly the first experience of this place which remains ever lasting due to some amazing 6 days in Oct 2006. Its a different story altogether. This post could have become the continuation of the saga of tales that I had in my blog in my early writing days. I had initially thought of this idea to complete the task left undone in 2006. But for the people who have never gone through the earlier posts would never relate to the events or even to the characters mentioned in the previous posts. So i prefer to keep that personal for some other occasion.
Getting back to what I intended to share, I would throw a bit of light on my whole perception of Kolkata.
Way back in July,2006 we were placed in our campus and were having the best times of our college days. Thanks to a gang of like minded monsters who knew how to screw it after the hard work that was put in to get placed in for the future career. All was set for the big stage to host the biggest journey called life-after-college. The motto of life prior to that event to take place was to ENJOY! Future for me was quite expected. Life had to begin at Kolkata in either CTS or TechM in July,2007(that was a big question mark for me until i realised I joined TechM finally :D). So as to achieve our motto and of course the intention to see the place which would in future be a hell for me took me to Calcutta. Courtesy one of my friends who invited three of us to visit Kolkata during Puja in October. For those who don't know what Puja is let me inform you that Puja is actually Pujo, the biggest festival celebrated in Kolkata for the victory of good over evil by Maa Durga. Without much of planning we reached Kolkata. Unexpectedly the trip was awesome and I got to see the best of Kolkata. And to tell you the truth, my friend's hospitality reflected in the whole of Kolkata. Pandal hopping, shopping, night outs and visits to the best of the best places in kolkata made me familiar to the city of Joy. Unexpectedly, I got a great picture of Kolkata which I would have never got had I directly visited Kolkata for joining. The trip ended along with the end of my prior perception of Kolkata being very unruly and hell of a place.
Came July,2007. Final destination Kolkata! Or should I again correct myself by saying Calcutta. Why do I always correct myself for this ? Well, for me Calcutta was the experience of my college time visit. And Kolkata was my joining location! But before joining, there had been another visit to Kolkata as well which ended up being another hell of an experience. I mean these visits always became one of the best parts of my life. Having had two great experiences with Calcutta, I always expected Kolkata(the place of joining location) to turn out to be Calcutta( the place of Lovely memories of the past). But, as always, we rarely come upto our own expectation level. Leave apart expecting a place to come upto its level. Started off with big blows and real bad time. But as my sub concious mind was already prepared for it since I had a wrong perception of this place. So, it didn't take me long to accept and I along with my roommates could come over it. Then i realised life can always throw an exception. But during this hard time at Kolkata, I suddenly felt the conversion of Kolkata to Calcutta for me. Just because I could see and learn a lot about life which also became the best part of my life as a memory. We had started staying in the same 1BHK flat where we had stayed for the visit to Calcutta in 2006. Things changed for me thereafter.
By the time I left Calcutta, it had already become just like heaven for me. Though I never got a chance to stay during Puja in 2007 or visit the places or the people who had become a strong part of my memory during my first visit in 2006, but they always remain to be at the safest part of my memory lane. Getting back to Kolkata never meant getting back to a place. For me its always getting back to Calcutta feeling, just like heaven. No doubt, I created some fabulous memories during my stay in 2007 as well. That also became another reason for me to speak of Calcutta. Never ever did I think in my wildest dreams that Kolkata would become one of my biggest obsessions in life. Its just that I don't want to feel guilty about my biggest regret of my life. I just don't want to live with the biggest regret of my life forever.
I want to get back, to rewrite some more pages, undo few mistakes and come off the regret.
Can I ever go Back Oh Calcutta!!

My World Hasn't Changed

05:48 AM, 15th March
Kolkata, the city of Joy has been among the places, which has given me a lot in a big way. Getting back to Kolkata had always been my dream. So, the excitement was always there when I boarded the flight to Kolkata. All was set and months long wait was over. Finally, I was going to Kolkata. Many things were brushing through my mind and the memories kept flashing by. I was going to the place, more importantly going to meet the people who have been my in very short span of time.

06:05 AM
The captain’s final call for the departure and the flight takes off as if it was on a mission to make my trip a successful one. I preferred to close my eyes and get to my own plans for the trip.

09:45 AM
I opened my eyes and found that I had been in my dreams until I got the captain speaking to the passengers. “Indigo welcomes you to Subhash Chandra Bose International Airport, Kolkata. The outside temperature is 27 degree Celcius and humidity is 48%. Indigo wishes you a pleasant stay. Thank you for being with Indigo.”

These words made my heart pounding and I could feel the blood flowing in my veins.

09:50 AM
Finally, I touched Kolkata. It was a breath taking moment for me. Finally my dream had come true and all my hardship to come to Kolkata had paid.

10:45 AM
Eagerly observing everything from the window of the shuttle, I could feel the soothing air and freshness of the morning. We were cruising into Salt Lake.
By now, past was in front of me. I could see myself walking along the Techno India Building with my friends. The day we had our induction, the days when we used to come down to the road side stalls to take our lunch and the evenings when we used to walk back to Karunamoyee together after the hectic training hours. I relived those small and beautiful moments once again. As I passed by the road, I saw some change. The road divider, which had some wild twigs and grass, has now been made greener. The artificial human activity has destroyed the natural beauty. Few small statues and models have been placed with well trimmed side bushes and lawns. This was a change which I could feel in the place. As we moved further towards city center, another change caught my eyes. The roads had got better. There were no more, the after rain pits and cracks. It was all well maintained and these changes brought a fear run down my spine. “Has the world changed within these few months?”
Exactly two weeks and so much has changed. I wished everything else was the same. Reached city center and found yet another change, the near by shop we used to visit daily for regular fags had come up well. By now I was walking towards our small world. Now there it goes!!
Yet another change!
A Tea Junction stall at the city center entrance!
That really struck me hard. Was it normal to find such changes or the world has changed for me. The side lane had been made concrete which used to be a broken brick laid path. The brand new banner of Nimas and the huge HSBC bank that has come up in these two weeks seemed to be a kind of indication. I started feeling restless to see so much of change. Though these weren’t big changes for others but for me it seemed to be like an alarm indicating that my world has also changed. That fear didn’t stop me from walking towards my flat. Though I don’t stay there any more and literally does not belong to me but it would be my flat forever.
But now I could see the nearby house still under construction even after two weeks. The Santro of our landlady standing in front of the huge gate. The gate was half open as always. Everything was calm and silent which used to be a regular case. Slowly I felt better and found everything to be same. As I entered the living room I could see the smiling familiar faces of Chetan and Vinay. The smiles were all there. My happiness had no limits and touched the sky. Now I was more comfortable and fear had disappeared. Everything was like before. The untidy bed of Chetan, the scattered articles on the table, the well prepared covered food and everything else was all the same. Nothing had changed.
But what about my relationships ?

Will they be the same as before? I was not sure of anything when I walked to the 5th floor. I was afraid to notice any further changes. But this time I was stronger enough to neutralize my thoughts. But expectations were there to make me twice. Walking along the steps and finally through the cubicles to move ahead to the “Adda Cubicle” was the best part. Never expected that the surprise would prove to be such a big hit. Every face had a surprised look and most importantly the happiness which was more of excitement could be felt from everyone’s action. It was one of the best moments which I wish I could capture like a Kodak Moment. Glad enough that I got more than the expectation.
My relationships were the same.
As the day progressed and I met everyone my faith strengthened and now at the end of the trip, I am all smiles and satisfied carrying back new memories, new moments to cherish for the future. Now I, strongly believe that may be world has changed but My World is never going to change come whatever.
12:01 AM, 17th March’08

कुछ चटपटी यादें

वोह जाती है टोह जाने दे
वोह जाती है टोह जाने दे
तुझे प्यार से मतलब है
कहीं से भी आने दे

कितनी आयी कितनी गयी
कितनी आयी कितनी गयी
मगर प्यार न बदला
बस लडकियां बदलती रहीं

यह मेरी कहानी यह मेरी ज़िन्देगानी
यह मेरी कहानी यह मेरी ज़िन्देगानी
आगे का मुझे याद नहीं

दूर से देखा तोह बारिश हो रही थी
दूर से देखा तोह बारिश हो रही थी
पास गया तोह भीग गया

दूर से देखा तोह शेर था
दूर से देखा तोह शेर था
इसलिये पास नहीं गया

यह मेरी कहानी यह मेरी ज़िन्देगानी
यह मेरी कहानी यह मेरी ज़िन्देगानी
न वोह मानी न वोह जानी
बस बह गए मेरे आँखों से पानी

तेरी याद मैं रो रो के हम tub भर दिए
तेरी याद मैं रो रो के हम tub भर दिए
वोह आये और नहा के चल दिए

उसने कहा तुम्हारे पास दिल नहीं है
उसने कहा तुम्हारे पास दिल नहीं है
अपने दिल मैं झांक के देखो ओ जालिम
तुम्हारे पास दो दो हैं

वोह आयी और खुशबु बिखेर के चली गयी
वोह आयी और खुशबु बिखेर के चली गयी
और हम हैं के सूंघते रह गए

The Above were few of the shayari which made the moment light at the end of the ITP session. Dull was the class and all was so different when it all started and it was a very good moment when we all had loads of fun and the best part was this all was made instantly in the classroom with the help of nishanto. I wish there were few more days at ITP training. Well we still have the behavioral training left but don't know how it would be after all the results were out. The retests and their results are yet to finalize many things for the future. I hope everything goes fine and the people who have to appear retests clear all of the papers and join us for the next level of training. I wish everything goes fine.

All the best to all of them !

ITP

The first day seems to be so far from now.Its all past now and gone into the pages of history.But it would never fade away from the memory of all the ITPians for their rest of the life.

As I moved into the class only one thing that I identified was only me and me. All unknown faces around made me feel lost in the crowd. It was all very exciting though !

Days passed by and the programmer seemed to be so long and never ending. But today we have reached the end of it and I can definitely say that life of each one of us has taken a drastic turn. Twists and turns make it appear so interesting but going through all that was never easy.

Few faces that weren't familiar enough have now left impression for lifetime. Few voices which were never heard would always keep ringing and the ears would wait desparately to hear from them which isn't quite possible in the future. 30 students and one class, not all known to me but yes they are now some part of life. Recreating this life is never possible again.

Working together for two months was never a long period to know everyone perfectly. but was not too short enough to capture them in the heart !!

There won't be those fights with the person who came up as a big surprise like a gust of wind loud and clear banging into the ears. I was taken by surprise and instantly we went along to be known for our mischievious arguments and leg pulling. Enjoying all that was really a good experience to carry along to the future.

At this point when i sit in the class (supposedly the last formal day of technical training) how can I forget those coffee breaks and lunch breaks. Those were the peak hours of masti and enjoyment. Back to days where we worked long hours in the night. Quite a different experience with lots of interaction with people with whom I would have never known without working long. Sundays and saturndays being weekends never stopped us from coming to office. Thinking of those days, I just cherish those moments of enthrwall and frolick.

Few great friends coming up to make a good bond for the future were never far off in being close to heart. Mention of those names would not be a fault in any case -
Vinay, Chetan, Sutapa, Premjit, Manish, Bijeta, Swagatika, Afsana, Sana, Jyoti, Tanushri, Priya, Sandeep, Tintin, Rudra, Suman, Nishant and Sumit.
All these people would be there in the heart and mind even though we would move ahead in different directions and may not get next chance to be together again.

ITP might end, but life hasn't ended yet with high hopes and quite a lot of emotions attached with this event. Waiting to get another chance to be with one of them. Wit crossed fingers(not for peace tough ;) ) , I wish everyone get through and makes it big in their own way.

Three cheers ....for ITP !!

Sound of Soil

Tanmay Bose !!

The name is sufficient for anyone who has witnessed him ever.

When I heard about his concert at Swabhoomi, I was not that sure about his talent or about his aura. But anything related to classical music and of the sort has always fascinated me. There have been times in the past when I have been quite inclined towards it. Classical music has the perfect blend to make your nerves get electrified. This was proved by Tanmay Bose.

A perfect ambiance to start with. Perfectly located with the open air waiting to be blown away by his concert. Never during the whole concert did I feel that it was a classical concert. Perfect blending of east and the west. The best part was the way the instruments that we generally find in a rock show giving support to the classical music. It was as if the instruments were in their best form.

One thing that touched deep into my heart was "Music is not entertainment...its dedication and focus which brings about this magic".

The other thing that was quite amazing was that classical music can be so rocking which I had never realized before. Unbelievably I found myself banging head to the jugalbandi of Tabla, Mrudang and Pasa(not sure what it is called). The jugalbandi was a great display of musical talent in the whole troop. Tanmay Bose was again superb in creating magic with tabla. The co-ordination was something to be looked at. It almost blew myself out with appreciation and surprise as well.

The music was so original and to the base of being classical that it could justify the name of the whole concert. As if sounds were coming from the five elements with which our world is made up off. Its often said that classical music can create fire and make rain. And now i realize that's not impossible. Quite possible. The other side of classical music is that it brings about so much of happiness and balance to the soul that it erased pain and calms you down to the lowest level of energy with positivity flowing within like a current. People generally comment classical music to be boring and slow but this display made me realize how wrong we had been. It was no less than a rock show which makes you dance to the music. I had my legs and hands moving and for a moment I had the feeling of standing up and dancing to the tunes and the beats.

Another item was east vs west. The eastern packed instruments and the western modern drums and co...For a moment i got confused whether the vocalist was trying to present the sound of the instruments or the instruments were singing like a human. It was really tough to distinguish which was which. All sounds were similar and synchronous that it gave a perfect feel to the ears. With all this it was crystal clear to distinguish the sound of each and every instrument being played. It also turned out to be a jugabandi towards the end and was really amazing to find the vocalist competing with the sounds of the instruments. Just perfect !!

There was a moment when tabla's echoing sound was perfectly caught by the vocalist in his rhyming tone. Just amazing is all I can say.

Thanks to Sutapa for giving this opportunity to experience this event of lifetime. My faith in classical music has been more strengthened by this concert and my belief in our own culture has been rooted deep within me. Our heritage and culture goes long back which the western music can never catch up with and I bet had there been any linking park or britney spears, they would have failed to create the magic that Tanmay Bose could create. They could not have even stood beside him and try and make a jugalbandi. Forgot to mention about the bass being produced by the guitarist. It was even more than any professional rocker from the west with the best of the best electrical/electronic guitar.If you love banging head to rock music then you should have definitely experienced today's concert. It had all in it to make it a PERFECT show.

Hats off to Tanmay Bose and his team for creating the magic and thanks to Sutapa for this great evening.

Thanks to Her once again.

What was it ?

A day with nothing new with few different incidents that keep changing life on the long run. Definitely things occurring on a single day won't be that big but they sum up over a period of time in deciding the future course of anything...that was for something not that big an issue but definitely a heated one which kept me under my own skin for the whole of the day...but the late evening was something different.


What was that I felt ? well cant be explained though...it was meeting that i had been planning since days which was fruitful finally and it was bliss...it was so peaceful...perfectly the way i had thought off...setting off from office from 7.40pm i was quite sure it would be a successful and great meeting...well for those thinking it to be an official meeting, please note that it isnt anything professional...its completely personal...
but i felt real peace at heart and mind...i could say that i could feel God and every step and action of mine was as if controlled my Him. till I got back there was that power which stayed with me.May be it goes everywhere with me but its not quite obvious but definitely when I remember Him i find his blessings along with me...thats what makes me have my faith intact...elated to a different level of happiness and pious state I can sense nothing good for my current doings...have i gone on the wrong lane ?
should i come back before its too late ?
these are few questions that remain...

The WALK of LIFE

Huh !!

Its been long time that I have been with myself. Getting back to own form and trying to be urself is so good. It was at bbsr dat I had visited blogspot and written something. There have been frequent visits to my own profile but I have nt found the right time to get along and sit for my own thoughts to get the priority.

Supposedly it was the last time when I was quite nostalgic about my leaving bbsr. More than a month and I am through loads of things in life. Seems like I have seen a lot in this one month, even more than what I would have seen in my whole lifetime. And believe it or not, I have seen life close enough in these few days.

Its not happening yaar…don’t know whr to start from and where to end. One month is such a long time that there are many things which just need to be mentioned. But again this one month passed so quickly that it seems to be just like a flash.

But yeah, I can get along and make a move now. Kolkata was not that great as expected. Few of my previous blogs have gone regarding Kolkata and how this city of joy had proved itself. But suddenly as I reached this time to start my new life, Kolkata was no more a city of joy. The 1st week at kolkata was a nightmare for me. May be it was just a testing period which I had to survive in. And I survived ! Lots of struggle and pulling around to settle down and begin life from the scratch at kolkata. Time flew by and blogging was always on my mind. But access to the resources and thoughts was prohibited by time.

The beginning on the BIG day ! 27th July 2007, I joined Tech Mahindra. This was just the beginning and everything went fine and it was then that I had a feeling of getting finally settled and starting life afresh. Few resolutions and responsibilities at the back of the mind made it a steady start. ITP(Initial Training Program) as they say Began from 30 July and we were introduced to our colleagues and the new life. But slowly in just a week I could sense the burden of life. What exactly we were upto. Life revolved round Tech Mahindra. Anything and everything was related to the company. The feeling of being tied down crept in. There was nothing left in life except going to office early morning and coming back late evening. In the meantime, I had made good friendship with my room mates and that was the only thing that could make me survive.
First module test and it was all so different from college. Life rolled on and in no time now I am completely adjusted to this new life. The schedule makes me no more tired. The day I return at around 6.30pm it seems so different. Its always better to stay down at office till 10pm and work hard and have the feeling of satisfaction and come back home to find only the bed waiting most eagerly.

In the process 31st August made another mark in each and everyone’s life. Don’t know about others but definitely this day means a lot since my first salary was credited to my account. And the feeling of being grown up was superb. Though I could not find time on this day to get to the ATM to check my balance, still I believe it holds great importance to me. 1st September 2007 my first withdrawal and then loads of shopping and purchasing.

Well things have changed so much in just a few days that I hardly believe my own self. Just a month back I was never sure if I would make good friends out here and have any sort of life after college. Even for few days after joining I had no idea about what is in store for me. Ticking clock has taken the charge and now we are at not far from the day when out training would get over. Just 20days from now our ITP would be over. But never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would miss ITP and ITPians so much. The thought of the end has made me think twice about it. I have suddenly started loving my office environment, my work load, the stress, the people around and most importantly the group of people I have been around since a month. Though one month was never a big time to know them but definitely there has been some attachment for them. As I know myself very well this is not a new thing. But still this attachment word has started a new turmoil within me. Many things have touched me. Professional and personal life need to be kept different. But what exactly do I mean by the both and where should I draw a line?
Does it mean that I can’t be personal to my colleagues? Why do I think it to be so?
Why do I have to think about it so much? Don’t people working in office make friends? How far these people keep this friendship? I sometimes get to hear “this is no college!! And we are colleagues….not friends….”
This makes me quite apprehensive regarding my own way of dealing with people around me. The fear of missing ITP has made me do something which I have never done.

Detachment is the key to happiness.
Therefore not being attached to anything or anyone is only solution. People have taken this step differently and believe I have gone nuts and just trying to be professional. But I know what I am doing and what is correct from me at this stage. But there exists some attachment at this point and I need to overcome that. Now the most important question for me is to give an option for Pune center or not. Before coming to Kolkata I always had in mind that I would be opting for Pune once my ITP ends. But now after this one month of stay at kolkata I am in two minds. Practically speaking pune would be better since it gives more of options being the headquarters. But logically speaking I am already settled at this place and it’s been really tough to get down to this state. Settling at Kolkata was never an easy task. And now that I have finally got kind of lifestyle and a good friend circle(rather colleagues which some would like me to address) I don’t have that mental strength to go through all that once again which occurred to me when I came to Kolkata. Well I would have to leave some day and dats the way life in IT industry is. But I don’t want this to happen so early when I am quite satisfied with my current life and the way it’s rolling on. Staying down at kolkata would also have few other advantages which are out of the scope of this platform. But in all sense I am confused. Damn confused and rambling mind is eager to find a way out. Thinking of all this makes me wonder how could life change so fast and take different twists and turns in just a month.
Life is kicking !!

Last Night At Heaven

What should go in someone's mind when he knows he is to leave heaven ???

What should be going on my mind ?

Finally the time has come which I had been waiting for since months...but not always this wait was out of excitement...many a times it was just the fact dat I would be leaving...having spent seven golden years of my life at this place which at the beginning was hell to me, has become my heaven.I know from now on coming back to bhubaneswar wont be the same as it used to be while i stayed here.Things have changed so rapidly.Nothing is left at this place for me.All my friends have left. When I come back wat i wud have is only my emotions and memories of this place. Each road and place at bbsr wud strike me with hundreds of emotions simultaneously, some sweet n some sour...but all would be so good when i come back.

Looking back I have got many things from this place...got some life long relationships and some life long memories. Bhubaneswar was never a place od my liking. I never wanted to come and stay here leaving my school and my place. But having come here and spent these years, I feel these years were not flown by time. It was quite steady process. I dont think time flew by but yeah time gave me everything that I aspired for. Had known that I would be leaving bbsr in 2007 since four years. But never visualized this day.But finally the day has come.I can see everything going around me.Busy with my packing I have nt got the time to think over this moment.But now when all set and I am waiting for only few hours from now, i can feel the bubbles in my stomach. The thought of leaving bbsr doesnt bother me much dan the thought of going to a new place.

Kolkata wud definitely be a a strange city and also a new beginning for my life. Life wont be the same hereafter. For the first time while talking to Dad I could feel the sense of urgency in getting responsible more than what I am now. Dad was really in a different frame of mind which is normally not the way I have seen him since my childhood. There were few words which were uttered and I just took and realized that dad was afraid of losing me. Few of such thoughts rambled around me too. Freedom is no doubt what I had aspired for. But now i feel responsibility comes with freedom.So i need to get more responsible. Now exposed to the whole world I can feel that till now I was under a safety cover of my family. The cover which was like the shield which protected me from all evil. Like a bird protects its children till they are ready to fly, every parent does the same. And today the time has come when the bird is ready to fly but still very afraid to be lost in the large sky which no more provides the protective shield. I wish I could always have dis shield along with me. But That would never be the case from now. Home is home and no better place to home. Mom's food and care and concern (which always appeared to be like intervention into my life) would be missed and I would wait with longing thoughts to come back HOME.

At these last hours i m blank without any thoughts,any feelings, not happy not sad. Just wanna be flown away by life the way it wants me to go. But yeah getting back the same life that I have had at bbsr would be impossible. Even when i come back to settle down here at my heaven it wont be the same like now. Life would have changed then. With fingers crossed I leave.

Babbye Bhubaneswar.
MISS U A LOT and the years that u gave me to live were the sunniest moments of my life.

Bye

LOVE YOU