Silence Kills, Speak Up

Silence can be deceptive. Speak up, you may never get a chance to say what you wanted to.

Life has taken a U Turn

Feels like i am standing at the same point where I stood two years back. No it's not about joining a new job. But currently I am facing yet another cross road. I remember the words "to be or not to be.." well yeah they r the famous words but i remember someone close say these to me.. and today, not exactly today but in the recent times i have these words crossing my mind quite often.

How does it feel if you find yourself in a situation where you were two years back ?? I had come to Pune, no friends, not even a single known face. After two years i feel the same. I am still at Pune..for those who might wonder where i am currently.. but... i still feel the same.. not many people i know.. n thats in a very literal way.. i mean it.. not many know me... in fact no one knows me...who i am.. i am lost somewhere...

recently i shifted my room mates.. old buddies left to the other part of the city.. the very next day i was shifted to another office.. ie sharda... the only reason of parting from my friends was to stay close to office... bt in vain...every effort to make my wishes work fails... going to sharda seems like a transfer to me.. new people at home, at office... though ppl whom i meet are my team mates... bt i used to meet them only at team parties n I had met all of them only twice or thrice before I started seeing them every day at sharda.. thr was even a team mate whom I hadn’t met until I got shifted to sharda.. n moving to sharda wasn’t even easy.. it took me completely two weeks to get my .pst file(outlook offline mailbox) shifted to sharda.. Gosh.. it was 4GB.. having preserved all the mails since two years…don’t know if I would even read them twice… bt having them gives a feeling of familiarity..

travelling to sharda through bus has a completely new but different experience.. though hectic it teaches u many things in life… u get to see that u r not the only person who is around working hard.. there are even people who have been doing the same thing since ages.. just for their families…

it was this time of last year that I had been trying for a transfer to Kolkata… bt I had failed at that attempt.. n now again after a year I feel the urge to get back to Kolkata.. at least I could do something for my family.. after all that’s why we exists… moreover, today or tomorrow I would be changing my project since in few months from now our project would go to some other company.. so why not now when I can get a project at Kolkata…who knows after three months I may nt even get a project there…

meantime, prachi too left pune.. and probably her leaving has added to this U turn feeling… she had been there with me since 2004 and after long five years of togetherness I ought to have this void around me...

There seems to be too much of confusion..

First, I know switch is not that a tough thing to do..even during this tough market scenario bt even after a switch I will be at the same place whr I m today.. I wont get to be a CEO instantly.. and it wouldnt help me personally either…nothing gonna change…

MBA…super cool option.. I know this can be best thing I can do.. bt I don’t knw why I fail to put in the effort…may be its because of complacency… of the backup that I have in form of a job.. i need to burn my boats...close all the options...I know I have it in me to crack CAT but nothing is achieved without hardwork.. so I need to put in efforts… bt somewhere I too don’t feel to change my direction when I have already invested my two years somewhere else.. how is this going to help? Shouldn’t I carry on in the same domain.. in the technology rather than getting into management?? But I do realize that we at IT don’t have something great at our hand… even a 10th grade student can do the same if given training for a month n if he knows how to handle a PC…nothing great..
And funny it may sound.. somewhere in the back of my mind… I too think I should give it a try for civil services… bt I feel I have a kind of inclination towards the arts subjects.. sociology, philosophy, psychology, history(though m very poor at memorizing), geography… bt it’s a touch nut to crack wen I hv least idea about such subjects….

Currently, every day ahead is so very blank like never before.. so very confused… I feel I need to have an opinion poll…

Please suggest!

P.S: For the first time I have written so openly about myself just for a fair opinion. Hope it didn’t bother you much.

6 broke the Silence...wen wud U?: (+add yours?)

Sangeeth said...

Its sad that you do not realize the level of complexity a software can have; and its increasing complexity interacting with hardware below it. Maybe your work deals with using the interfaces(i.e. APIs) some some software professional would have created; but your idea of "we at IT" is very incorrect. You seem to have no idea on how complex a domain of OS or Compilers can have.
Anyways don't take it personally, I just wanted to let you know that S/W engineering can be much more fun and challenge than many people assume it to be.
Happy blogging!!!

Monty said...

DO agree with your thoughts.. so i would change my words to "We at ITES".. and being in the industry for such long time i have realised that thr is not much of life to follow.. no doubt its it was my personal opinion... and as u said it all depends on the kind of work u are if i had been into product development i would have never thought abouting quiting..

Well, wen u hv spoken about complexity, i believe that there exists complexity in every profession beginning from cooking to flying MIG. It all matters whr does the same take u into the future. what's best for u..

nevertheless having invested 2 yrs its a tough call for me.

Thanks for the feedback and i didnt take it personally..

keep visiting :)

aditi said...

Hi Abhisek,
Finally i leave the confines of company firewall to "break my silence".
I think i am going through it all too but it helps to find a fellow who will reinstate your resolve in MBA or your chosen career path, whatever. Like i joined CAT classes with someone to lead me on when i falter and knowing myself, I will.

Monty said...

Hi Aditi,

Thanks for that idea... hope i get hold of another bakra who would b thinking alike... well my room mate has been one of them bt its always me who needed to guide him...poor me :P

SOUMYA said...

You seem to be confused, bro! I think the problem is thinking so much, and thinking more than required for yourself. Go out of your bounds. Read some good books - they will put you into track.

Monty said...


Dude seriously speaking i was damn confused and of course wen you settle down and nothing to do, u start thinking.. these days m a bit loaded with work. So luickily no time to think :P

Well, suggest me a real good book. I lost the list that you had given me. :(

Thanks for visiting.