Silence Kills, Speak Up

Silence can be deceptive. Speak up, you may never get a chance to say what you wanted to.




EmotionLess.

Sigh !!

Finally Chicku left !
Perhaps its the last time we met. Dont know where I would be next time when she returns to Bhubaneswar. I had thought that it wud be quite an emotional moment when she would leave.Definitely! Why not ?
She has been such a great friend and we have spent so many years together.And suddenly the time has come when we are departing.It was very ovious that I would have wet eyes and stuff.I still remember my school days when we used to discuss about the future and the time when we would depart with no knowledge at all when we would meet next.And the time finally came when we departed with in fact no knowledge about our future.The future which seems to be so unpredictable,so void to me.But the certaininty exists about my absence the next time she visits this place.There would be no Abhisek to recieve her at 4.40 am and no Abhisek to see her off at 3.15 pm.

In spite of all these thoughts the expected did not happen.I was completely emotionless with her departure.I had virtually no thoughts about these things.I was blank.Blank with nothin at all.I never expected this to happen.How did i become so harsh to my own emotions ? where is the feel ? Who is this sitting within me ? Is it the same Me ? I did everything dat was expected from me. Had been to the station half an hour before.Was there till the train left.A simple shake of the hand and the feel of the warmth in her palms,the sweat coming into my palms from hers said it all.She was tensed and was really stressed.Kept waving my hands till she was lost in the crowd.

But.....

But still I dont feel dat she has left and we wont be meeting for a complete year or more supposedly.Searching for the reasons for such a dead state of mine.The blood is expected to flow and the heart to beat.But there isnt anything,nothin absolutely.Just a numbness exists.

Few reasons which may answer my this state :-
1.My Project report submission and the mounting end sem tension has kept me preoccupied.I m damn busy wid my professional life.Having both tired mind and body.
2.The ovious fact that we would definitely meet someday.
3.The pace with which everything happened (her coming from home to bbsr,my meeting her today and her leaving occured within three hours) didnt give me enough time to realise the fact that she is leaving.
4.Presence of her mom at the station.
5.Presence of a great friend named Pooja who made me at ease emotionally.
6.That we r such good friends,distance factor would hardly affect our friendship.
7.She would never change.
8.I have taken her for granted.
9.We have seen many ups and downs in our friendship and there has been such tuff period when we didnt meet for two years.Still we were the same when we met after the crisis.Literally nothing matters !
10.We will b in touch through phone and mail.
11.I have learnt how to live without her when she left BBSR for the first time in june.
12.I have grown up :P...hehehe
13.Amit's Presence.
14.My inability to judge the situation and feel it.
15.I have become too rigid and built a heart of stone out of all the past experiences.

All the above reasons seem to be quite enough to justify my such unusual behavior.

Even i m amazed at this change in ME.I hope this is for the good !!

2 broke the Silence...wen wud U?: (+add yours?)

neha said...

is so true. sometimes in the moments we're so sure we'd behave in a certain manner, we behave just in the opposite ways. we give surprises to our own self, and stay stunned.. wondering have we changed or has the earth rolled over in few minutes?

live on, cherish everything, and indeed u rn't stupid, why do you keep on saying that?

don't say it, else you'd start believing that :P

and true, strong relations aren't dependent on distance much!!

parul said...

wires, far stretched, loop up..
hold it up tight!
:)
stay fine!